20th August 2005

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good evening!

Thanks u all fer asking abt my mom. She's walking as if nothing's happen. Thogh i know she's still in pain. Had a scary dream last night. I used to werk in de airport at da departure belt. Whereby passengers aftercheck in their bags will go down "us" whereby we will scan den put in da container. So i was werking, den da supervisor came n said I hafta do da special belt. So i just went, n da wierdest thing is dat its covered! by like a curtain! So i slumber went in n scan all de bags. Da scanner denied da bags. So i just put em one side n scan da rest. Den came da superviser n said, dese are VIPs n dey r all ready. SO i rescan again n it was good to go. I load em up da container.. As i look at da bags, dare was a connection. It belongs to someone i know. The whole lot of em! ANd the destination or journey was a rather long one. Like to pilgramage perhaps? Or somehthing even worst? Sighh.. I woke up..Den..Only to haf found out later my mum had rather disturbing n worrisome dream as well. And my cats were all acting wierd. Like da sombong cat sleeps wif my mom n all. Plus I think yesterday was my late grandad 3yrs anniversary! I dun wanna wonder so far but..If ur in my shoes, u'll understand!

Sepaking of cats, yeah. All da pets in dis house even da fishes! Has sum form of attachment. Something goes wrong or someone gets sick or somehting bad abt to happen da "residents" will "act-up"! Kinda kewl. N SOoo sweet! I remember once a long time ago when i lost my temper n scolded my sis. Da Eldest cat came n stop me coz i was hitting my sister..oppss...hehehe..

Kids dese days, soo stubborn..Not like de olden days where fear was instill. Dun worry i aint da abusive type..Only when my mom cant control den BIG MONSTER COME IN! Usually i slow talk..see da reaction n situation.. n oso da times when i was heartbroken, da cats will sleep wif me, n meow to me..hehehe..as if dey understand. at pt of times i think dey do..Oh well, wat am i babbling..

Anyways, hmmm..I 'm bothered by manusia! hahahaha.. Homosepians! even myself! Alamak! suddenly lost da mood to blog abt it! hahahaha..

Its more of da irrihati ppl n da things dey do fer revenge. Sigh..Kinda lost abt wat to blog. Tgh nasihat my lil cyber sis!

Den its de other issue abt sleep. Seems like da more u sleep da more tired u get! Where's da POWER NAP whenu need it! Da one when u totally blacked out n wake up feeling super charged up!

Ayoo my mom's caughing..better go see..

19th August 2005_Night entry

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Harloo!
My mom's up n walkin! YEEAAAH!! ALHAMDULLILAH!!
But she's still in pain. Thinking to send fer full check up. Waiting fer reply fer nursy bettlebug!

My last entry must haf hurt ehem..dearly..I'm sorry..Well, i did explain! hehehe..
Yupz, i'm like smiling a bit. But..deep down still worry.

My IPPT due soon..dis 23 to be exact! Tomorrow hafta WACK MYSELF UPSIDE DOWN!
Dats all fer now. I'm like so tired..

May God be wif us all. God BLESS!!

19th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good morning!
Sigh...Yupz feeling gloomy. Woke up to an intimate dream wif my ex.. Had to fight my way to wake up! Sigh.. Must be da result of uploading pics to frenster i suppose. Stumbled on some files abt my past. Opened it n *BANG* emotions set astirred. I've always believe in an honest relationship, which is why i msg boo just now. But is best dat i blog it down. If she wishes never to know, den i hope she be upfront wif me. Den i just keep it a secret.. Abt wat ever dat might hurt her i mean..

Actually da most worrysome thing right now is my MOM! Sigh.. She's ill. Something abt her stomach. Last nite, she bled instead of her normal bowel. Took her to de doc.. He said it was "wind" but..sigh..It aint convincing enough! She's still lying down. I'm like soo worried.. My intuition is telling smtg but i just dun wanna listen! I hate it when my intuition is RIGHT!!!
I'm so scared n so worried.

I dun feel like meeting anyone.. Not even Boo! At dis pt of time, i cant stop thinking abt my ex. Perhaps she was once a part of my family. I dun think so i'll be goin to lil Sue's performance! So sorry sis.. I'm like feeling messed up now..

Boo's been very patience wif me..Even at times i haf trouble expressing myself..Thanz..

18th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very good morning!
Its a very cool morning.. I heard 2 of my colleagues r goin fer da overseas mission o Sumatra. Sigh, I lost my oppurtunity. Wats worst, now my rota short of 2 ppl, i may hafta come back fer werk. Sigh..Just hafta keep my fingers crossed! Hopefully everything will go smoothly.

I realise dese days my mind in more into buisness. I hate all dis buisness stuff by recently it seems to haf caught my attention. Yesterday was an exposure to franchising buisness. (aint sure if dats wat u call it). With my interest in computers and biomedical engineering and working experience in F&B and civl service, wat will u get? hahahahaha.. All dese ingredients u mix, I wonder wat recipe u'll get. Hahahaha.. Which reminds me, my dad once talked to me abt Petrol kios! Which is also a franchising buisness! N my mom once talked abt kedai makan! hmmm...

Recently I saw Universities advertising courses in da newspapers. Boy am i tempted! Sigh! Its dis bloody bike of mine that is causing a financial friction! Wat a Fuckin bad investment! 2 YRS of no riding n i am still PAYING IT!!! Fucked up lawyer whom i think is too lazy to persue in anythin! Whic reminds me, i hafta to to the NPC to dig up some info! Luckily fer me, my instructor was an ex police officer. He was in investigation department. Hahaha.. He gave me sum tips..hahaha.. ME? Private investigator? jeng..jeng..jeng..!!!

At times i really feel like selling my bike! Firsly it has memories of da past! Secondly i'm just too angry of paying fer nothing! And dat STUPID BIKE SHOP OWNER!!! I RECOMMEND U NOT TO GO TO THAT SHOP!!! LIAR2 PANTS ON FIRE!!! Or maybe SHOP ON FIRE!!!

But if i think of it, i already spend so much money on da stupid bike. And i'm almost done wif da installments! In other words IT WILL BE MINE SOON!!! Sigh..God gimmie a sign...

Wif dat out of da way, den i can finally go back to school! Part time of course! Then it'll be da issue of diploma over A level. Den it will be da issue of courses..Bla bla bla..last of my worries!

SHOOT! I haven had my breakfast! I RUNNIN LATE FER WERK! SLAMATZ!!!

"Kecik" Gave birth to 4 adorable kittens on the 5th of August 2005. 

Look how small it is! Like a hamster! 

10 days old 

10 days old 

10 days old 

10 days old 

A tribute, to my cyber sis!

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Ok! so dis is like an emergency announcement! I got 2 cyber lil sis! One is lil dragon n de other lil aina! So sis aina, dis entry is fer u, so plssss dun be engry n like assume dat i'm ignoring u! I couldnt access frenster! n i'm like sooo busy! if it was really urgent, u could haf like EMAILED ME! ;) hehehe..
A lil something fer u..

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

16th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good evening!
okok..today a liltle bit excited to blog! Something EMBARRESSING HAPPENED!!! Dare was dis voluptios gerl at da kios, i was behind her..I told her dat she haven log off..So i logged off n continue wif watever i wanna do..So half a min later she tapped me n said she wanted to go to da toilet, n i was astonised! She said i told her to wait fer her, i smiled while on da phone trying to call boo, n said no, i said u forgot to log off! hahahahaha...AYOOOOO so EMBARESSING! A LOT OF PPL WAS DARE!!!
Of course boo was jelous! Hahahah..LOve making her jelous! hahahaha.. So many chix today! WOW!!! hahahaha.. Yang ferring n tak ferring.. Macam2 arr. Dese days gerls r so fierce n daring! hahahaha.. Kate org tu kan, kalo single/heartbroken, satu minah pun tak nampak! tapi kalo da attached! MACAM2!! DUGAAN!! Nasib baik i setia orangnye! Ape nak buat! Nasib BADAN!!! hahahaha.. Boo kalo bace, tgh marah kan? hehehehe.. (MAMPOS)
Okok..fine, i know menyampah kan yg lain bace? hahaha..i received a CALL from HQ, telling me to go fer OVERSEAS MISSION TOMORROW!! WOW!! FUUUYYOOOOO!!!!
BUTTTTT I'm on COURSE!!! N I SIGNED N AGREEMENT STATING DAT IF I WIFDRAW HAFWaY or FAIL i HAFTA PAY $3k!!! DA FULL SUM!! SIGH!!! AYOOO..by da way its to sumatra! hehehehe.. kewl huh? Bi;er berangkat? BESOK!! da macam James bond! hahaha.. ayooo..Better luck next time lah.. hmmm...
Aights! dats all folks..enough excitement fer one day! TIme to CONQUER DA WORLD!!! Game of course! ROME - TOTAL WAR!!!

14th August 2005_night entry

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good evening!
How i spent my day? ALONE!!! "Last MIn"!! Hahahaha.. (siape makan chili rasa pedas!)
I decided to "Last min" go cycling! I thought since its been soooooo long sice i ride a bike/cycle so i though why not. Hafta pick up da skills back! ;)
I dun haf a bicycle, actually i did! back in '97 until it was stolen :( Da bicycle belongs to my uncle..tak terpakai very da dusty! hahaha.. So i took it to da bicycle shop to inflate da tyres n adjust da gears..
Brought the bicycle home n WASH da BICYCLE!!! hahahaha.. rindu cuci moto kan! hahaha..LOOKS BRAND NEW MAN! Now itching to buy a bicycle! hahahaha.. Saw some beautiful GT moutain bikes!

So i went cycling ard yishun, to selatar dam..miss da place! Lots of memories..Happy, sad, ..angry, depress! hahahaha..Didn't go far though coz it was scorching hot! but at da dam it was very very windy. kinda brings back memories when me n boo sat at east coast! kinda miss it..Felt as if i could talk abt anything. Intended to go there actually! tapikan.."LAst MiN"
Stop by da fish shop spent $20 on fish FOOD!!! Bought coi food fer $7, ketapang leaves fer $3, super worms fer $5 n frozen centipede fer $5! Ayooo...
Haven been taking care of da water in da tanks n ponds. When i took a look at it just now! OOOO MY GOD!! Sheesshhh! My parents keeps like feeding dem unecessarily! sigh..My RTG arowana has an eye infection, its due to bacteria build up! hmmm...Lom ade mood to change da waters. Thinking of shifting da fishes as well. hmmm...

After magrib i went cycling again! hahahaha..temperature's right! hahaha..Went to da ends of yishun n down to da dam..n back to da centre of yishun n home! hahahaha..Confusing kan! hahaha..Witness an accident..i was abt to cross at da junction, first 2 left turning car stopped da third BANG!!! Felt guilty..hahahaha..

Did i mentioned, i kept EATING da WHOLE DAY!!! Ayoooo!!! MACAM MENGIDAM GITUK KAN! sigh...Hafta fast, i FEEL FAT!!!

Maner si ketot nie..Its like 2310 n still not back..sshhsshh..Sighhh... hmmm...
Dats all fer tonites entry. perhaps see ya next weekend!
Adios Amigos!

14th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Greetings!
Wow! Been so long, it seems i've forgotten how to even start! Life's been in da expressway. Things moving in da fast lane. Each day seems to be 'wasted' despite me bein on course. Just dat i feel i can do more significant things! But, hmmm... Fasting month is just ard da corner. I dun know how to face it. Seems dat its worying me. Perhaps da working part.
I gave some though abt education..u knoe... a or dip. Seems i'm more in favour of dip to a! But we'll see how. As fer now, its to settle sum unfinished buisness wif my bike! Yeah, been 2 yrs since da accident. At times it still haunts me. *lol* It was a near death experience! I was more worried of my pillion den of my life at dat pt of time. Den again i often put her b4 me n my family which was something wrong. Learnt it da hard way.

Had a nice conversation wif boo last nite despite all da irritating comments i made. She finnaly admit to being jelous at times! HAHAHAHA..SOO SWEET!! Silly of my to think "happy-go-luckly" dun get jelous! Everyone has a past. Mine is 6yrs. She got a lil insight of it n was shocked i think. Told her to "tender" if u will. Hahaha..Wonder how long more will it take to heal da wounds.
But Thank God dat, da barrier is still cracking. Though i'm still afraid to fall in deeper as dare might be no way out! Wat if i get disappointed? wat if? ......

Today i'm free! AS IN NOTHING TO DO!!!! She's out wif her frens. And i'm thinkin of either go cycling or movie. hmmm...entah lah. Its nearly noon n my engine still not running! Sooo lazy! ayooo...
Till den, MAY GOD BE WIF US ALL! GOD BLESS!!

12th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good morning!
Just got home! After course went to meet boo n mas go watch "Charlie n da Choc Factory". Sorry geng! Tunggu nye tunggu cam buah tak jatuh! hahaha..do i decided to catch em! Cant wait to catch bewitched too! hehehe..
There's nothing much to blog coz everything is in my head spining..Hahahaha..Dun even know abt wat! Seems every issue is being blended like an ice-cream! hahaha..
aights! nitez!

11th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very good MORNING! Its 0011 hrs.. Been sometime huh? Let me see, where shall i begin...

Firstly HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!!
I had to werk on national day, office hours coz i'm on course! YUPZZ all da way till month end! FOR da 1st time ever, I WENT TO SEE FIRE WORKS!!! WITH BOO of course (pestering me!) at marina south. Wow! da fire works were beautiful. I think sitting down in da open field wif all da couples n families n foreigners created a kinda of beautiful atmosphere. hahaha.. I miss sitting down just to star gaze. I wonder wat happen to all da stars in singapore.

On da 5th of August 2005, my youngest cat, "kecik" GAVE BIRTH TO 4 BEAUTIFUL KITTENS!!! Beautiful coat dey haf! So tiny so adorable! Da size of my palm, just like a hamster! hahahaha..Now I got 7 cats! Ayoooo...

Last Sunday, I decided to bring boo over to meet da parents! hahaha.. My dad been like asking me..Heard he was pretty excited n all. HaHaHa..Funny lah..I remember boo was like so SCARED!!! SOOO NERVOUS!!! I couldn't really be bothered coz i was like SOOOOO sleepy! (baru balik keje) I think i fell asleep a couple of times. Then i accompanied boo to SGH. She went to see her grandad. She was shocked dat i came all da way only to accompany her. She tot i was goin to see her grandad! HAHAHA.. Saw Norliana dare! hahaha.. Shocked! hahaha..
I stop by da musuem to take a look at da history. WOW! Da stuff dare was soo fascinating. Yet creepy. Da building looks brand new but i cant help feeling...Lets not go there. Dats btw HIM n me! ;)

I cant recall much right now, except dat i just came back from dinner wif boo n mas.. Too bad her catalyst any strong enough to over come my holy mood swing! hahahaha..

How's me n boo doin? Hahahaha.. Entah lah!
She made her first crack on da barrier when she came to meet my parents! barrier? hahaha.. Yupz dares a force field or shall i say a barrier btw me n boo. Communication, connection etc..etc.. I think today she made another crack at the barrier. i hafta admit, we do haf some communication probs at times. Not only dat, we too haf problems respecting n accomodating to each other's EQ..hahaha.. (sounds funny)

I'm not in a rush, had 6yrs of relationship. Taking my own sweet time wif dis one. EXTREMELY SLOW! hahaha! OIT BOO! dat does not mean u CAN TAKE UR OWN SWEET TIME TO LEARN TO COOK!!! PECAH MAN! hahahaha..

These days i've been dreamin abt my ex.. Sigh..Its like getting dose mthly newsletter! I think she's doin well, somthg abt her job. hmmm..
Even wierd, had both boo n her in da same dream but dey din see each other! hahahaha.. WIERD!

I guess, if i dun start to throw away my past, i'll never move on! Thing is, DARES SOOO MUCH STUFF HERE! SOOO LAZY TO START CLEARING! hahahahaha...

Entahlah...Sometimes i'm here, sometimes i'm not. Plus I still haf not decide abt my studies. Hmmmm..Let me finish my course successfully first lah.. INSYA ALLAH

To my frens, wat ever happen to da CHOC FAC MOVIE? hahaha.. Seems every1 busy wif all their own stuff. Some heartbroken n all...

I pray GOD is be wif us all. GOD BLESS!

4th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very Good Evening..
Been pretty occupied with work. I've been pretty much lost dese few days..

"Hati tak tenteram kebelakangan hari, rasa gelisa dan kekosongan seolah-olah meridui sesuatu.

Ada kala hati ini rasa sangat sayu dan sedih. Tidurku pula rasanye seperti permainan. Semakin ku tidur semakin ku rasa penat dan tidak puas. Tidurku tidak seperti tidur. Ape kah yang kurang?

Apabilah ku bersama buah hati ku, adakala aku seperti tidak hadir. Aku rasa seolah-olah diri ku merantau tidak tentu arah..Kesana-kemari. Ape yang ku cari kan?

Setiap kelakuan atau perbuatan, aku lakukan dgn waswas. Kuatir menyinggung, kuatir melakukan dosa.

Kelakuan-kelakun demikian membuat ku terharu, membuat ku terenung..Hingga ku berdoa kpd NYA..

MASYA-ALLAH!

Rupa-rupanye, DIA mengetuk pintu hatiku..Memberi peringatan bahawasanya aku telah LALAI. YA ALLAH YA AMPUN!

DIA telah memberi peringatan, lagi 2 bulan akan tiba bulan mulia! DIA memberi peringatan supaya bersiap sedia.

Sekarang ku mengerti mengapa ku rasa demikian.

Apabila ku mendengar Azan, apabila ku Takbiratul Ihram..hati ku menjadi sayu, air mata ku hampir mengalir..

Suda tiba masa membuat persiapan..Suda hampir masa untuk menjauhkan diri dan mendekati dgn NYA.

Ya Allah, ku bersukur atas peringatan dan pertujukan mu..."

Dare a times when wierd things happens den suddenly u haf to disappear. To leave behind all dose ard u to proceed wif ur journey... In search of enlightenment.. In seach of ur self..

2nd August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very good morning to all!
A warm welcome to August..welcome!
I woke up to a beautiful sunny morning. But as i get out of bed, da nak RIBUT! Its dark n windy now. Stylo! hahaha..

Let me see, on Sun I had half day, went to meet Boo, teman her buy her lil cousins' presents, got a racing car, a mickey mouse baby set (baju n stuff). I was sooo exhausted, dat remained silent through out. Even my eyes were red! hahaha.. N my bagpack, (apparently very light dat day) felt as if it was 20+ kg!! As per usual, send her all da way to her door step. I was greeted by her mom n great granny. *lol* I had no strength to even smile! Boo gave me some stuff she bought from JB de other day. *lol* Soo sweet, she bought me cd (lagu rawk GIWANGS!! POWER!!), keropok n kuih baulu! Why baulu? *lol* *wierd*. I got home den black out! Could hardly wake up da next day n was late fer sum meeting! Ayooo..hahaha..

After da fairly short meeting or shall i say briefing, i decided to surprise boo, felt kinda bad yesterday. So I decided to buy breakfast n drag her out of bed. *lol* She was shocked that I was on da way. Of course her Great granny was home. After breakfast, we went to tampines. Din't know where to go actually.

We had our first argument. (i say first coz i felt anger) Thank God I din't give up n I manage to contain my anger. Had a pep talk wif her. By then I had to be extra careful as not to hurt both our feelings further. Filtered my tone n thoughts b4 it turns to speech like TWICE! Then she did the most amazing thing! She REPLIED! She admit wat she did, n she explained her self! THANK GOD dare was COMMUNICATION! its a first time dis happens to me. In fact it was really touching.

Went to da movies while waiting fer mas! Watched STEALTH..POWER! Not bad..Dunno if boo was cut out fer all dis sci fic stuff..Finally met mas at banquet simei..Boo was all stressed up. I took it lighly, when i asked she said she was hungry..hmmm...

Den Mas arrived, everything was KECOH!! I guess she a catalyst fer us. Makin things go spontaneous, and........revealing secrets!! Boo broke down and started to blabber all her probs! Ayooo..y did u tell me.. Guess its tougher bein de only child then it seems.

Now i'm pretty much lost. I dun know wat to blog..I remember she FiNalLy say da 3 words but i just cant respond! I can barely hold her hands dese days. Its like guilt all filling up! Where is my heart? Has it not been return to me? *lost*

"Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need,
the time you need to have the time of your life."
-Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

Good evening!
I was very worried abt coming to work yesterday! but thank God everything went well. Da morning baris n CA drill was super ON! We like put on our extra best coz it AUDIT fer our stn! We were commended dat we still live to our standards! BEIN DA BEST! hahaha..
My colleague almost fainted, one of my men also almost blacked out. At nite, another one of my man caught fever! Eish!!! It was scorching hot yesterday! All da way till noon! Even after we were bare-bodied (during lunch in da comfort of our dorm) heat can be seen radiating from our bodies!
Fortunately fer me i managed to take some suppiments b4 da start of da drills. Else i think i too won't last dat long. i was rather perky n hyper active da whole day! Perhaps coz da old timers were too busy wif Audit n me n my colleague were like da seniors ard! hehehehe..
I was called upon fer sum interviews..Asking abt directives n all..hahaha..Alhamdullilah its like at da tip of my fingers!

The reason at times i dun feel like goin to work, coz of the mulut of certain ppl. I heard rumours dat sum maybe transfered out. and de other got WACKED UP SIDE DOWN LEFT RIGHT CENTRE by audit..Kuasa Tuhan..Masya-Allah..

At night, one of my collegue (apparently my driver fer da duty) was having a mussle cram/sore near his lungs (internal). I had dis a couple of time b4. It aint sumthing u wanna endure..hehehe..Everytime u take a breath, or move it HURTS LIKE HELL!!! he was pretty much sitting down n suddenly he'll screamin in agony! I felt obligated n sumwat pity fer him. Being him a big strong guy, suddenly dis small pain God gave..seein him in agony..Masya-Allah..So i took my medicated oil n told him to lie down..Yar! Urut!! Sumthing i haven been practicing! I cant take away da pain but i can help easy it away..Masya-Allah, HE moved my hands n till I know it, it has been an hour plus..Din realise i was perspiring..Thank God! dis time round i din even feel da crams or tiredness (my fingers dat is). But now a bit kembong..too much wind i suppose. i told he, he should go see a pakar tukang urut. his body is a mess, too much angin! Never b4 in his life he urut..Told him lots of stuff, glad he listened..

Den dis morning got a surprising msg! MY BOO WAS ON DA WAY TO FETCH ME FROM WERK!!! Ayoooo!!! *paisey* She was like standing rite de opposite of my stn! I think one of my boys mush haf disturb her (beri salam) hahahaha..Perhaps..We went fer breakfast at LJS..den went to bugis..I could barely open my eyes..She intro me to her colleagues..ayooo..*paisey* I think she must haf miss me very much..haha..haven been spending time wif her..at times even when we meet, my mind is not actually dare..Insya-Allah dis sun eve or mon afternnon we'll spend quality time..since ur on leave n me on half day..She's in JB now wif her colleagues since afternoon..Hmmm..Lom balik2 lagi..kinda worried..She's growing on me..Kinda missin her..Can really see her efforts to change fer da better.. i haf never seen sum1 try dat very best..Ayooo..by da way, it was a first she PIAT MY EARSS!!! ayooo! It was a slip of da tongue! Termaki..hehehhee..Quite a long one! hhehehehehe..

I'm still in delima, torn between A levels or diploma..Shall renungkan pekara ini..Moga2 Allah memberikan pertunjukan yg terbaik, Insya-Allah..

Salam Sejatera Semua, moga Allah bersama kiter semua Insya-Allah.

27th July 2005...night entry

"Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need,
the time you need to have the time of your life."
-Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

A very Good Evening,
Just got off watching "Pontianak Menjerit". A pretty STUPID show! but alrights lah, for the laughter! Watched wif my mom n sister. Been awhile since i do something wif them. Family bonding's da word! At times I may be physically present a home, but actually I'm else where..my own space.
After today, I may or may not have time to blog or reply messages. Yes, tomorrow I'll be starting work. I dun know what lies ahead of me. Which is why i suppose i was doing NOTHING da whole day. Actually i was! I was feeling/appriciating time. Letting it pass through me. Feeling every sec pass. Took my time to clean my tanks n mini pond. Took my time to walk to the aquarium shop. Took my time to sit down n do nothing. Y am i doin so? Something's telling me i may or may not haf da opportunity to feel it sumtime soon. hahaha..

Time...Something most ppl neglect. U only feel it when ur pace of life suddenly slows down or ur late fer sumthing or feeling impatient abt sumthin. "Kita mengejar masa, tetapi sebenarnya masa mengejar kita!". Tick tock, tick, tock.. Time knows no boundaries, time knows know one. Once it has past it'll never come back again! Even in the holy Quran, its sated how precious time is. We're no longer young. In the olden days, ppl at our age haf already started their families. Times haf change, here we are still persuing our dreams and fer sum abt to enter their working life. Sooner or later, when our children reach the age of 18, we'll be like 55! hahaha...

Masa! Dengan sekelip mata kau menghilang..

Dedik demi detik kau memergi..

Meniggal kan aku tanpa aku sedari..

Semakin hari semakin tua..

Semakin hari semakin lemah..

Masa! Sungguh kuat Iman kau..

Tidak ade belas kasihan, tidak peduli sesiapa..

Terus-terusan menunaikan perintah Allah..

Belom puas aku menikmati dunia ini..

Belom puas aku merantau dunia ini..

Belom cukup bekalan ku..

Belom sedia aku..menemui ajal maut..

Dengan nama Allah,

Tanpa masa, tanpa Hidup,

Tanpa Hidup, tanpa dosa,

Tanpa dosa, tanpa hari pembalasan...

27th July 2005

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get,
it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
-Anon.

A beautiful morning it is! Bright sunny yet cooling. I couldn't sleep as well as i though. It is as if my soul is not at peace. Well, I hafta admit, I haven't been..u know, with HIM...
Yesterday, I dropped by station to settle some work stuff. I decided to fufill my evening prayers as well. Its been so long since i felt da serenity. It wasn't intense but..now i know wats been missing. Da musollah was sited in one of the unused room. So dare was no one ard, basically its only me n HIM. Its hard dese days to find such situation. Last i recall, when I was working at the airport. Always waited till after midnight when everyone's asleep. Den i'll creep into da musollah..
I miss da times i spent wif HIM alone.. I find it hard to do it at home. At werk if during my duty, dares bound to be ppl sleepin in da room. Where can i turn to when i wanna find peace?
I recall the time when i visited Central Java...I would say it was a mystical/spiritual trip. Circumstances leading me dare was way too wierd! hahahaha..I still find it unbelievable..
I miss my time dare. The pace of life was pretty much slow n steady. Dare's more den enough time to find peace n to make peace with urself. I recall one morning, while i was sleeping outside, "Abah" was reciting some verses..Out of da deep sleep (was actually sleeping very far from da house) my eyes opened up and almost teared. The serinity of his voice and the versus he recited.. Masya-Allah..
"Mujizat Rusul kiter dan Al Quran, dapat menghidupkan hati yg telah mati.."
Masya-Allah.. I'm like a lost soul, neither here nor there...
In search of myself..In search of HIM..In search of Eternal Peace..
May HE be with us all..

26th July 2005

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get,
it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
-Anon.

A very cool morning to all!
You can say i'm off today. But still, guilt fill dis vulnerable heart of mine. It's been awhile since I've been to work. Heard that things are goin crazy there. Sigh..I can't run anymore, its back to work 2 days from now. Since I passed my tests, the full commencement will resume on the 8th of next month.
My hearth fill with worries..The thought of goin back to work, sigh..The ppl dare, is making me NOT wana come back to work. Only 1 or 2 that will put a smile when i see dem..
Its been only abt 6mths since my posting. I've lost the firery feeling to go to work. No longer enthusiated to be there. Thoughts of leaving is slowly creeping in..What has become of me? Totally demoralized. Still 4 yrs plus to go..Still so many things to learn.
I suppose its da ppl n management n da fact that i feel i haf NO FREEDOM..sigh..Its soo tight..
I feel as if i'm suffocating. i not sure if i'm cut out to be in this rank n file system..
As fer now, there are still a few ppl that puts a smile on my face at work.
I shall use dis oppurtunity to futher my studies. After that then i'll decide if i want to stay or not.

AS fer my love life..well, 1 step at a time. Yes, I'm still traumatized n wounded by my past. But I'm so fortunated that God gave me sum1 new. She's been patience wif me although at times i tend to be looking back at my past. Selfish at times i feel. At times I feel as if I'm betraying her. To be living in the present yet my soul is in the past. Sumtimes I wonder where my heart lies. Its neither here nor there. At times, I can't feel anyhting, I can't feel the Love at all. I guess this is wat my ex went through wif me. Inability to feel love for that sum1. But Thank God, on n off the feeling will come back. And when dat loving feeling comes back, I record it in my mind. Just in case if i loose it again. Yesterday was a blessing, I miss my boo..hahaha..Aint the first time, but a rare one! We had quite a long talk yesterday. I've been talking to her roughly..Perhaps its because i can't feel da love. up to a point when i confessed. I was acting the way because i needed to see for myself if she has any feelings for me. She rarely voice out her feelings. Of coz she shows but i can't differentiate whether its genuine or she's naturally like dat! She very playful, loves all her girlfrens and sumtimes act lesbionic! Perhaps being de only child has deprived her of siblingly love. hehehe.. Where was I , She kept mum when I told her why I was acting so, then she gave a disappointing remark! Bein da happy go lucky person, who knoes no sadness! I cant remember wat she said but its da tone n expression of her voice dat was a turn off. Her best fren did mention to me abt her being "care-free" but before she could continue, boo was already back at the table. I guess her best fren was trying to tell/advice me sumthing but i interuppted her then boo came. Sumhow i guess i dun wanna know wat she wanna say but then again..By the way after the disappointing remark, boo tried to make it up then she started to explain herself, she quoted things that happened while we're together. Trying so hard to explain this n dat...Well i know ur like sooo a "virgin" in terms of relationship..Like dating a sec 1 girl! hehehe..There are pros n cons. Truth is, its was a TORTURE while trying to concentrate n fighting SLEEP! *lol* Soooooo soorryyy BOO!! haha..Masya-Allah, da sleepiness was soo overwhelming! but al least i managed to recall sum points. By da way, ade ke she labeled my laughter as "MIYANG".. ayooo..my artifical n original laughter/giggle she cant even differentiate! And one more thing, she said when I was wif her best fren, we were SOOO MIYANG!! wats wif dat? hehehe..jelous eh? i was just laughin along! Gosh! hahaha..

My body is aching all over...Miss working out! Hahaha..Wasn't a satisfying workout yesterday but its better then nothing. I Thank God, for giving me my undisturbed rest days! Since the beginin of this mth, hardly tasted my rest days. Its almost month end, n i finally had time to self-reflect. To haf time to myself. To think things through. To spend my time wif my mom n family...

I end today's morning entry with a quote:
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
-Helen Keller

fURthEriN mY sTuDiEs...

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

Yesterday or rather dis early morning, chat wif Sis shazzle..Figured she was da best person to consult in terms of education.
She knock sum sense into me! hehehe.. reality knocks! Its kinda true wat she said, getting backinto da system after sooo long, sonfirm its gonna be HARD fer me!
Thing is, there are 2 places that i'd say provides a credible cert. SIM n STANSFIELD COLLEGE.
da course dat i want, is offered by both, both certified by UOL..

I was thinkin of taking private A level..I just need 2 A level passes!!! To get a degree!
Pros: Its a shorter route!
Cons: If i fail, dats it..wasted my time n effort..Plus i like sooo out of tune!!! Plus dares no scool!

Takin part time diploma,
Pros: Follow da system Insya-Allah can grad!
Cons: time consuming n costs..

Then theres issue abt which institution..

SIM
Pros: Reputable..
Cons: slightly costly, NO PART TIME DIPLOMA (relavant)

STANSFIELD COLLEGE
Pros: Haf part time diploma.
Cons: its part time diploma is in econimics! sumthing far DIFF...

The thing is, i dont know if i would rather get my A'level n persue my degree of da preferred course..Or should i get my Diploma (only one choice, stansfield...dip in economics..)..

I need 2 A..C maths de other? ayooo..Very weak in language!

Thats pretty much da probs or delima..Very messy huh..

25th July 2005...night entry

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

Good evening peepz!
You can say i just got back..Went to Yishun stadium's gym wif ma bro IM!! Was our first time dare. I always use da one at werk..Its pretty spacious. Ait soo stuffy except dat dare were too many ppl..peak hour i guess..
I was pretty shy at first..hehe..started off with cycling..Was aiming da bench press..After like cycling fer quite sum time (followed da prog), i decided wat da heck! malu rugi! went to dis pakcik whos doin bench press n ask if i could join! hahaha..TAK LEH ANGKAT SiAAKK..DAT OLD TIMER WAS LIKE..i couldn't even SOAP MYSELF JUST NOW! ANSWERIN DA PHONE I NEEDED EXTRA EFFORT N CONTROLLED BREATHING!!! MAK AI!!! *lol* really worth it! Cant feel my arms right now..hehehe..where is it anyway..oh here it is typing..hehehe..
We walked to n fro da stadium..in da drizzle..We chat quite a lot..Guess i was pretty chirpy today..although sleepy..We sat in btw da interchange n northpoint to munch n chat..Laugh n destressed ourselves..
I'm actually quite worried. got so many time off, nanti jadi bahan cakap n ...sigh..sum of dem r like sooo MATA MERAH!!! sigh...dis da only set back n its making me wanna..EISH!!! wat am i thinking!!!!!!!haaiizzz "KUN FAYA KUN" segala kejadian tak akan berlaku tanpa izin DIA...

25th July 2005

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

I PASSSEED mY TEST!!! Alhamdullilah!!!
Yesterday after visiting my Encik, meet up wif boo at Darul Ghufran..Had magrib dare den went to dinner..To afgan! Called Mas met up wif her..Had a crazy time..SHe pretty much has a broadband frequency..Can link pretty easily..Boo a bit on indon frequency..hehe..not far but still can link! ehehe..too carefree..haaiizzz..hehehe.. JANGAN MARAH!!

Yesss arrr!!! Got a date to GYM!!! LAMER GILER TAK PI SEJAK ON COURSE!!!
Orites per! Boo go to SPA wif MUMMY...got special service or not? hehehe..Go wif ma bro IM!! ur de man! hahaha..kiter pi cuci mata!!! hahaha..Shake dat bottom bebeh!

Oh yeah...Y am i dis crazy? coz tak yah report to werk! i tink da caffeene too high oso..hehehe..Alamak da nak hujan! saper nie tak mandi? hehehe..

Just chat wif Mas..crzy peepz..haha..
Stay tune to some deep thoughts...later..dunnoe when..hehehe..

24th July 2005

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

A very Good afternoon!
Finally finished my report! Decided not to grumble but focus my energy to finishin it! *lol*
I'm actually excited! i made up my mind to further my studies! I just only made up my mind boo! Jgn marah! tell u abt it later..
Found a shorter way to get a degree..At SIM..but hafta put in extra effort! Hafta make lots enquiries..Thats later...
Fer now, hafta get ready to visit my ENCIK. His wife gave birth so my colleagues visitting him. Plus I need to summit my report! hehehe..Tomorrow my test..den hafta go to werk. hmmm..
Aights! Addios Amigos!

Quote of da day!

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

Found this interesting quote... It describes majority of us...Cuba renungkan..

"The trouble with so many of us is that we underestimate the power of simplicity. We have a tendency it seems to over complicate our lives and forget what's important and what's not. We tend to mistake movement for achievement. We tend to focus on activities instead of results. And as the pace of life continues to race along in the outside world, we forget that we have the power to control our lives regardless of what's going on outside."
-Robert Stuberg

23rd July 2005...night entry

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

Greetings to all!

Went to calibrate my body dis morning! Ouch!!! Worth da pain! haha..Was told dat its either i haf been thinking too much or haven had sufficient sleep! I cant deny dat..When I got home, I like dose off! wif my fluffy comforter n da rainy day..GONE!! I was really GONE!!! *lol* Still sleepy though..He really calibrated my wirings! I still have a report to settle ASAP..sigh..Not in da mood actually.

My sister went to NDP preview wif my long lost cousin. Why long lost? Well, his father(my dad's bro) passed away peacefully in his sleep years back.. After which his mom got married..hmmm...Long story.. I miss my arwah uncle. I may be little when he was alive, but memories of him still lingers. =)

23rd July 2005

"I hold it true,what'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
-Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam

A very Good mornin to all!

Finally had sum time to read my love ones' blogs..except fer my bro, cant seem to access da new blog..hmmm..

Went through beetle's entry, right now i cant put into words wat i feel. She was a pedriatic (is dat how u spell it?) nurse during attachment, n she kinda grew attached to all her patients..Some haf passed away, some in btw da realms..I dunnno how put into words how i feel. But my heart tears apart to see dem suffer..but i know dey are FAR LOVED BY GOD which is why dey are taken early. A vacancy in HIS Eternal Kingdon has been engraved for dem..

I'll bet if u look hard enough, dey are actually surrounded by angels...I....i've spoken too much..

Finally I've had my deep sleep..i dremt of dose whom I care abt n da one whom i cared n left..It was wierd..Da first one was a vist from sum1 i cared abt since pri sch..It was an honour to be visited..but was it looking fer? hmmmm...

Gee's entry was rather refreshing. haha..out of da blues..sumthing diff. i mean i dun blog abt it..maybe i should sumthimes..I mean blog abt opinions n facts. Yes Gee, ur becoming a woman..welcome to adulthood! hahaha.. i read sumwhere dat during dis transformation u tend to get mixed emotions (kinda like PMS; no offence) n unpredictable changes...

I wanna thank you fer da chat we had de other day..been awhlie since i am able to share my deep thoughts n feelings. Its not everyday dat one can get such person..Which is y i mostly mix wif MATURE adults! hahaha..wak2..haha..nolah...

Let me see, wat else..i haf a fire report to settle..hmmm...Mon my other test...Mon maybe hafta start werk...

Oh yah, i was thnking, since i'm dare on course, i might as well take up another course in da nite just to kill 2 birds wif 1 stone! amamca? idea kan! hahahaha...Insya-Allah..Insya-Allah..tempted u know..hahaha..

Ok..ok..I'm runnning late fer my MASSAGE! No it aint dose SPECIAL SERVICE!!! Dis one u pay to get hurt..gosh da lamer tak pegi..takut siaakkk...Confirm terpekik!!!!

21st July 2005

"I hold it true,what'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
-Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam

Greetingz!

Just got back home from my course. Yesterday I had my first test n all went well. Syukur alhamdullilah. Monday is da next test so from now till monday is STUDY TIME!!!

Just one prob, Mon my rota is on duty. i think I'm on half day dat day. Wonder if I hafta go back to work? sigh....

Remember I blogged earlier, dat my EX emailed me..sigh..Its amazing how da past can catch up wif ya in a split second! Further to add, I was stressed up wif werk, course, lack of sleep, fatique. All those add up, u get a twilight zone! hahaha..yeah was pretty much lost for awhile..really LOST!

I ramble a bit too much..up to a point i realise i was hurting sum1 dat really cares fer me. hahaha...*ehem* was very patience wif me..I realise i was being selfish. I'm sorry boo..

Pretty much messed up..Fer sum1 who rarely express her feelings, hahaha, wif me, ehem..cant hide! *lol*

By da way my dad keeps saying *ehem* looks familar..(saw da pic)..Wats wif dat?? Ayoooo...

i kinda miss my circle of frens..Gee, Mar, Rin, Im, dillah, yani dan lain2 lagi...even my Cyber sisters...sigh...

I'm sooooo occupied dat i dun even haf enough time fer myself..Dese days i feel like SCREAMING!!!

And to Mar ... Sorry sis abt da miscomunication de other day. guess both of us must haf been too exhausted..Sorry everyone! bile mau keluar ramai2 lagi? cam tak jadi jek! Choc Factory aper jadi??? Kate ranai2 nak keluar!!! Leh aku ajak *ehem* jumpe korangz! Da tambah lagi satu makcik ketot! hahaha... Minah2 penguin! hahaha...

18th July 2005

"I hold it true,what'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
-Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam

Alas! Another day gone.

how was my coz? Pretty much ok..was late..Took cab dat costs $17!!! da driver took me to da wrong location! haha..kept cool..

After da lesson went to Goldenmile Shopping Ctre. Changed one of my rings. got a call from my is, asking me abt mp3 player. so i met her at Sim Lim and bought one. Was already one da way dare coz wanted to query abt da multi charger i bought fer my NP30 battery..apparently he demonstrated wrongly yesterday..its functioning well except fer da memory card now..sighh..

UNABLE TO READ!!! but could read from my PC...sigh...

Yesterday went to Sim Lim wif *ehem.. went dare quite late. bougth mp3..(wats wif mp3???) and multi charger wanted to buy mp3 fer myself but..oh well..

Received an email from her..YESSS HER..AS IN MY EX!!! Its wierd how da past catches up wif ya in a blink of an eye..Dat explains y i was feeling a bit diff dese few days..sigh...

To my bro Im..

no worries abt me..nuthing abt u de man..was pretty much upset wif one of our sis..hahaha..petty much kewl now.. lost n stress wif werk n course..(ur suppose to NOT be werking when ur on course! hahaha..)

To my darlin *ehem..

Patience my dear, Time heals all wounds...guess dats wat i need..

hahaha..

Like a flower waiting to bloom, guess dats wat i best be doin..

Sittin, observing, waitin fer my boo to bloom...

No pressure no expectations..no worries boo...

life fer me is taking a pretty much unexpected twist..and interesting visions abt my future is begining to unveil..Could it all be true? Is dis it? Is dis finally da one?

As per all journey, its never a smooth one. It takes 2 to clap...

It takes Team work to build, restore and maintain a Palace..

17th JULY 2005

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

Wow!

Pretty much an exhaustive day... One of my fireman lost some important stuff. Followed him to poilice Stn afterwhich played counter strike wif him! hahahaha...Never LAN gamed b4..kinda cool except i kept dying! hahaha..

A series of event occured last nite while i was on duty..Sum personnal stuff. Forgot how easily i loose trust once sumone lies or sumthing like dat..haha..Oh well..

I had 2 suicide cases..attempt to jump..I think she's da same person. i hope she's alright..Sum foreigner havin a break dwn..

Tomorrow I'm ON COURSE!!! sigh...All my off days are like GONE!!! if not one den both BURNT! Tomorrow is da beining of my 2 mths course..wonder how i fair..

wAts GoIn On???

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

I cant deny it anymore...
Everyone has been acting REALLY REALLY REALLY WIERD!!! My circle of frenz dat is!!!!!
Except BRO IM! thanx bro..you were really positive de other day..thnx fer da advice n wishes..I totaly din expect it from ya..no offence..

Fer da rest..i dun know if ya stress wif scool or werk of stuff..but..as a fren..Tell me upfront will yar..I HATE picking up VIBES from my OWN CIRCLE!!! Sighhh...

Wats in ur mind Bro N sisters?

rEalItY yEt tO sEtTtLe...

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

Wats Up!
I know its been awhile..Things are like happen sooo fast i barely haven time to catch my breath. My coz starting soon on da 18th! Dis MONDAY!!

Anyways, let me see..wats been happening to me lately?
I went to my new division to change some stuff. Not bad..The place I mean. After which I wanted to go to Geylang (with all da stuff in my bag and carrying a big shoe box). So i took a bus (from da wrong bus stop). But it still pass by dare. i was soooo sleepy dat when i blink..blink..i realise I WAS BACK AT EU TONG SENG STREET!!! CHINA TOWN!!! GRRRRR...
I walked around in circle all da way to SOUTH BRIDGE ROAD looking fer da right BUS STOP!!!
Finally i gave up n walked BACK TO WHERE I STARTED looking fer an ATM..Took a CAB to Joo Chat..
Alrites arr..wat i was loking was not dare. Bought a BOOK fer my *ehem*..n 3 CDs LAGU RAWK JIWANGS!!! REALLY VINTAGE!!

Da night when i was on duty, i had a chat wif one of my colleague..VERY DEEP TALK..All through da nite! i realise where I went wrong in life.. Realise if i dun keep things to myself, ppl may get hurt. As much as I hate all dis, I hafta embrace it as it is a blessing from above.. for each one of us has a purpose in LIFE..So many stuff..but..One at a time.. Insya-Allah..

Right now i'm like having a GROGGY HEADACHE..wait, dat doesn't sound rite..
Anyways, DID U KNOW MARINA SQUARE HAS A NEW LOOK??? Went dare just now n had SWENSONS! khakhehkeh

OkOk..I know dares like so many ppl asking me soo many questions..
Dat day when ehem..i took a step to move on, I gave her a ring (ehem..gold bebeh..)..alamak i forgot da building's name, da GOTHIC LOOKing building opp Raffles Hospt.
"I told her dat my past may catch up wif me one day..Will u still be dare to be wif me?"
"Will you be wif me throught thick n thin?"
"I dun like wats happening to us now..dun wanna be labeled FLING.."
So i got one knee down..n..ehem..ehem..ehemm..*blush*

She's very close wif her mom (being de only child i suppose) pretty much her mom knows wats goin on..After da deep chat I had wif my fren..I gave some thought.. da day b4 yesterday, i sent her HOME..ALL DA WAY TO DA DOOR STEP!!!
Her parents were not home, but her Buyot(Great Granny) was dare...She's soo sweet n still strong! Buyot insisted i enter...nak taknak after like 1min..I surrendered..
Less den 5min her parents came home..JENG JENG JENG!!! *lol*
A very pleasent family!..her dad kinda relax kewl type..Her mom a very sweet lady (find her familiar though)..Pretty much a very warm welcome from dem..
i know..kinda wierd rite? since her parents were like shocked abt da ring..i tot i just intro myself (or rather, show myself!)..be GENTLEMAN...hahaha..

I was kinda shocked to her parents n buyot's reaction when i gave her da ring few days back..
The response were so heart warmin! She even got ADVICE from her MOM..hahaha..

everything is happening sooo fast..i still am scared! Worryin..sigh..
I guess REALITY still have not settle on me YET!
But da beautiful thing is dat things are happening as if all dis were PRE-PLANNED!!! I know..I know..keep to myslef...sSShhHsssHhh..

I just showed my mom her PIC..hahaha..Told a bit abt her..
hahaha..she like said, "kawan baru?..macam2...suruh simpan duit tak nak.." hahahaha..
kelakar lah..Wat does dat mean? hahaha..

Nitez peepz..gotta catch some rest..Haven been sleeping properly...slept only 5hrs since i got back werk (2days AGO!) Take care BRO n SISs!!!

A nEw bEgIniNg...

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

Akum!
Waaahh..Today is a NEW BEGINING FER ME!!! Actually yesterday NIGHT!!! As in 12072005 at abt 2100+++
Lets just say its time to MOVE ON! No point bein SAD while de OTHER persoN is HAPPY!!!
Its time to close de old book n START a NEW ONE..
May ALLAH bless dis one..

I'm soooo exhausted n I haf a test later on n I HAVEN STUDY!!!
Hopefully I can sleep soundly..Coz yesterday nite..got an uninvited Gust at 2AM in da FREAKING mORNING!!!

I wAS sOOOO pIssEd off dAt I....EheM..(*sEnsOred fEr dA fAinT hEaRt n dA dIsbeLieVers*)

NiteZ peePz!!

A cOoL mOrNiN

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

A very Good Mornin to ALL!
Finnally I had my long deserved rest..but sad to say, I hafta go fer a meeting at 1500 at ubi..Tomorow is my test $$$ but haven study!!! Sigh..
To my CIRCLE oF FRENZ, really soory haven been ard, been really crazy dis month..even my next off day BURN!!! sigh..Insya-Allah by end of dis week everything settle..
To Mar,
appriciate it u sms de other day..I'm fine cume busy wif werk n spending wat lil time I haf to spend wif dat sum1.
To Im,
Chill bro da lame tak bual dgn ko..ORD O!!!
To Rin,
HAPPY BELATED BDAY AGAIN!!!
To gee,
Chill SiS! Jgn Stress2 selalu! Nanti Rambut Gugur! :)
To Yani,
Keje! Jgn nak msn jek pat keje! &*lol*
To Dillah,
Maner ko menhilang! Asik buat kopi, members pun lupe! ;)

BILER NAK BUAT OUTINGZ LAGI??????

Anyways..
I tot i wanna share wat i READ ACCIDENTALLY ON CLEO (I dun read such megazines!)
A couple wif abt 6 yrs of relationship, had to part. Her BF died in an accident, dey almost got engaged. I now wonder how she's doing...
Makes me wonder wat situation I was in, how one of my circle of fren must haf felt when her love one had to leave..
Dis few mths dares been lots of sorrow in our lives.. A dear fren too just passed away..i actually still in shock n apparently haven't absorb it fully..Be in my past relationship, da death of a fren, n many more..I just gld i'm surrounded by frenz..Be it Old or new..n dat special Sum1..I just need time fer reality to HIT me.. :) Till den.. ADDIOS!!

wAt a DaY!!!

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

Hey ya bloggie!

Guess wat! I went KARAOKE!!! My very first time! Wif my sore throat n flu..SUMBANG GILERRR....MALUUUUUNNYYEEE AKUUU!!!!

Gosh dat was freaky crazy! Realized all da malay songs I DUN KNOW!!! Tu lah asik dgr masuk telinga kanan keluar teliga kiri!!! khakhakha

I had a wonderful time wif ehem HER n HER frenz..khekhekhe...Although it was embarassing..

Things are getting clearer..n erm...i think...i'm ............. GOSH!!! I cant believe it myself..

Had dinner, went to HMV, walk ard town in da crowd, BESTNYEEE DA LAME TAK JLN2 ON A SAT!!!

Not forgetting a vist to Al Falah..

Pretty much a fun but tiring day..

FiNalLy I'm hOmE

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

Akum bloggie n all kepos reading dis!!! *grins*

Finally i'm home!! Been 3 days plus away from my crib! my tiny version of heaven! Wat happened? Where was I? Did I run away?

Oh well, went through quite an experience thare.. I was on IOC level 5 standby (highest

security)..

Wah...kena F n i mean F like crazy fer a stupid mistake dat was partly NOT MY FAULT!! But as much as i wanna argue, i just kept cool n kept my mouth shut. Got back to station go QUESTIONED by my superior! Ayooooo... Sigh..But alhamdullilah, it seems ok..hopefully..Insya-Allah.

Remember I mentioned abt all da reports dat i haf to settle..hahaha..I FINISHED IT UNDER TREMENDOUS EXHAUSTION N SLEEPYNESS! I think da quality of my wok also improved significantly!

Power huh? khekhehe..but now i'm like falling sick..hahaha..

Did i mentioned i was on standby NOT AT DA COMFORT OF MY STATION!!! I was at dis OLD abandon SAF NCO CAMP!!! opp Raffles Hotel! kinda cool creepy Resident Evil like place!! not to mention DARN dusty!! khakhakha

But fortunately at midnight we're allowed to return back to stn. Toilet pun rabakz!! Eeeeuuww

Fortunately one of my fren, from another stn brough RISK!!! N now i'm addicted to it!!! NAK BELIIIII!!!

I waited like 4 hrs to paly da game, den when it was my turn, it took 1/2 an hour to LOOSEE!!! So I waited another 4hrs to play, when da time came, all were too tired and decided to play CLUEDO!! hahahaha..It was Fun gilerr!!! Kecoh!!!

i hafta admit i almost broke down when da weRk was getting too much..I think bein in station n not able to go out was da pri factor. Luckly ehem, SHE was werkin..SO dat point of time when I was feeling da pressure, I HAD LUNCH WIF HER!!! Yeah, I've been dating dis PERSON...I dun KNOw where to begin..Its too wierd n too coincidental..But sumhow she's brought happiness..sumhow my heart is beginin to heal.. Way.. too wierd!!!

Today meeting her..Ask me to tripple date wif all her frens go karaoke!!! MANE LAH AKU PERNAH KARAOKE!!! Giler lah! MAMPOS! haaiizz..

Dis morning alone, 3 of my frenz from my circle..ask me abt her at da same time! TOO COINCIDENTAL!!! All of deM online of course!

Ader yg nak tgk gambar..hahahaha..

Sabar yar..aku nie masih keadaan terkejut..Nanti aku mintak permisson dier..kalau boleh aku post online! hahahaha

Wats so coincidental abt her? well, her ex, has almost da same name as mine..n her name is almost da same as my ex..both just lost n still RECOVERING...hahaha..

Plus da way we met was too wierd..I leave dat to God..Aint gonna blog abt it..

Dats soo much abt her for now..

I din expect fer all dis to happen..n if dis is causing sum1 to be hurt den..MY HUMBLE APOLOGIZESS..

Oh well, My small cat "Kecik" IS PREGNANT!!!! Kecik2 da PANDAI MAIN!!! GRRRRRRRR

Dats so much fer now..I think i wanna go run den werk out.. DA lame gak tak exercise..den again i think i'm LATE!!! hahahaha..

SLAMATZ BLOG N PEEPZ..

MAy God be wif us all especially my CIRCLE OF FRENZ!!!

a cOnFesSiOn..

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

Good morning!

I've been seeing dis person fer abt a week. Just friends. Kinda fun crazy type. Little i know, she's begining to grow on me..
I know, I know, my heart has not heal yet..But it aint suppose to be astired by emotions..I think wat i'm feeling is CRUSH!!!
Sounds crazy right. I know, I'm like confused n shocked too. Like all of a sudden I miss dis new fren of mine! Gosh!
I'm not intending to rush things nor hurt or dissappoint dose ard me..I may act dumb but I know wats goin on ard me..
Shocking n confusing to me..All this is too wierd..

How is one suppose to LOVE if one DOESN'T BELIEVE IN LOVE NO MORE!

sUndAy mOrNiN

Good Morning bLoggiieee!!!
I dun know wat got into me yesterday! Thank God sum1 one pulled me back to earth!
Sorry again peepz! I think I'm back to normal! Except I HAVEN'T FINISH MY WERK!!!
It clobbering TIME! FLAME ON! Time to Werk...

dEciDed tO gO fEr kEndUrI ArWaH...

Ard magrib, I received a call from my cuzz. He informed me dat dare was a kenduri fer my late fren. Gosh nak tak nak I went. I told myself I'm going fer him, it doesn't matter wat others think. My so called 'enemy', was dare. He teguh me when he saw me. I know in Islam we're not suppose to haf enemies amongst our brothers n sisters. I was sort of neutral when i was dare. Spoke only when spoken to...
Most of the time I was observing those ard me. All my 'frens' all engaged each on separate path yet all still da same.
I was like the odd one out. Far diff from da rest, once I was part of their circle now a total stranger. Obviously I'm expecting gossips from them, but who cares. To each their own.

I'm kinda excited to persue what I'm longed waited for, but I hafta get my parents restu no matter what it takes. My father had already given me a demoralising ans...
I have not started my work and I'm already exhausted. The headache has begun to pound. I guess I best get coffee n panadol ASAP! Time to WORK!!!

tOoK LeAvE...

Yo wats up!
Thumbz up I hope! Woke up dis morning feeling darn latargic! Hati ringan lak nak amik leave, so I tried my luck! hahaha.. Here I am..Took my second leave!

I had to clear my work stuff before next duty.. Else I'd be tight up against time! Intend to burn midnight oil, Insya-Allah!

Went to Friday's prayer, Syukur Alhamdullilah.. After the prayer, they had dis short syarahan, I can't remember the Ustaz's name but he got jawa slang. Alhamdullilah..Alhamdullilah..Daripada ngantuk jadi segar dgr syarahan demikian. It was abt Prophet Adam and his request against Iblis..
Wow! wat an insight..At one point I was laughing and da next i teared in silence.. Dats the EMPTINESS I've been wanting to FILL UP!!! Perjalanan terbuka sedikit..Insya-Allah akan lagi jelas..

Things a slightly becoming clearer as to what i wanna persue..I dun wanna rush into things, so i shall wait n do what i can first.

As fer werk, dis month its gonna be a busy one!

05/07 Standby (1st day off)
06/07 Standby (2nd day off)
12/07 Sports Award (2nd day off)
13/07 Certification Test (On duty)
15/07 Workshop (2nd Day off)
18/07 On Course (abt 2mths)

Thats y I hafta finish my 2 reports n presentation else it'll clash! I haven't even study fer my certification!!!! ayooooo...
I dun even know what to put up in the presentation! Gosh!
Hopefully dares no more changes!

U peepz take care!

qUiEt qUiEt dAy...

Wats up!
Woke up dis morning to a very quiet home! Everyone's out! The emptiness caused me to feel darn lonely..Kinda reflects da lonelyness in me..The emptiness to be more precise..
Not talking abt da LOVE shit again! I aint dat pathetic u know! khakhakha..
Emptiness as in my life is like meaning less..haaiizzz...I mean..I'm like still drifting without an ambition..Wats worst i cant to anything abt it..Macam berat gitu to do things dese days...
Oh well..take care peepz..

Akhbar

In Loving memory...20 Nov 1983- 25 June 2005

iTs bEeN AwHiLe

Its been while since I last bloged..
Firstly to my circle of friends, Thank you sooo much fer ya concern..I'm touched. I wanna apologize to all of ya if i caused any trouble..
I've been avoiding everything, away from internet, friends, almost everything except work i suppose. Y? I ain't too sure myself. The death of a friend made things even more worst. Perhaps because nobody informed me of his death. It ain't a big deal but it made me feel how important a friend i am..hahaha..Its kinda pointless to go fer his kenduri n meet up all da faces..I think i just do it from home..
Since da disappearence of a special someone, I've been like a lost child. Its den that I found my old friends n made some new friends n even got a cyber sis! *lol*
Life's taken a pretty sudden shift last week. I met someone new n dis person is changing my perspective by accident. I began to travel n literally wander from places to places..In CBD, Town, Chinatown...all da way to ECP..The journey is somehow causing me to change..For the better I suppose..Believe it or not, I've been to soo many diff eating places..Some of them i visited like 5 yrs ago? hahaha..Its true when i was wif my Ex we rarely venture out. I haf no idea y. I wanted to but it was just soo 'heavy'.
The best part of my adventure dis week, athough we venture here n dare, this person never forget to remind me to pray! Which is y i makes dis journey a spiritual one. I've been to a few new mosque that i never visited or visited ages ago!
Its true dese days, i dun wanna be at home, not even online..I can't even pray wif serenity at home. Perhaps being here brings too much memories subconsciencely...I dun remember any by sumhow i can feel it..
I'm still at da crossroads, unable to make decisions. Hopefully God will show me the way.
Work is piling up n its gonna be a very very busy month of july..I just hope he'll give me the strength to go on..It ain't a matter of work load but the 'semangat' to do it..Lately i'm like half spirited..
Dares like a whirlpool of feelings in me..A mixture of sooo many feelings even guilt..
I guess dares a knocking in my door n i'm scared to answer it!
hahaha..
Anyways i'm tuning in to Greenday..i forgot how i love to listen to dis kinda songs.. *grin*

AnGeL oF dEaTh...

Dat explains y I haven been myself..
Myt fren just passed away yesterday..n I just found out through FREINDSTER...
Mohd Akhbar..May God be wif ya..
Ya Allah..dis is da second friend u took away from me n i found out one step slower!
I dunno wat to feel..or to say..I feel too much regret in me!
Ya Allah..I din even et to say goodbye to him..
Y..Y..Y...????
He just added me to friendster n waiting fer approval..
He died yesterday night ard 2100...Bike accident...


2 days ago my fren's patient died..a liltle boy ard 9++...died of cancer..

wAt TeLaH hApPeN...

Wassup peepz!
Its been awhile since my last confession...*lol*
Seriously its been awhile since i jot down my thoughts..Here goes..
I just got back from dinner wif a fren. Da hilarious thing is dat we're suppose to meet at Toa pAyoh but i reistered in my head, YCK!!!So as per usual, i took my own sweet time..ONly to realise its da wrong location! Luckly i called to double confirm! Took a Cab down..Gosh!
So many things has happen..Events dat trigger questions making me wonder..I've been sort of self reflecting which is y i'm seldom online..Dun worry peepz, need me, just holler..
Went to meet my frenz father de other day..Had a pap talk wif him..his words somehow inspired me to persue in my dreams..It sent down a chain reaction triggering questions in diff areas of my life!
I dun haf much to say fer now coz my head is aching n i'm really exhausted..
Right now, i'm at da crossroads of my life, time is running short n i haf to take a path..

GENGGAM BARA BIAR SAMPAI JADI ABU

fReNs wHoSe hEaRt...

Frens whose heart as big as the brightest star..Almost an Angel...
How can one care fer a total stranger knowing his life may or may not...
I pray fer dis little boy whose fighting brian tumor...Moga Allah dan Malaikat2 Nye sentiasa bersama dier..Moga die diiringi kebahagian dan ketenangan..dunia dan juga di akhirat nanti...

Reminds me of my arwah fren...

Dia sebutir bintang

Dia sebutir bintang,
bergemerlapan menemani si bulan,
dikelilingi awan gemawan
menghias dada malam mengerdip cantik.

Dia sebutir bintang,
wajahnya tenang setenang air di kali
senyumannya menawan hati siapa yang memandang.
Di sebalik kesakitan, di sebalik keperitanada kegembiraan.
Dia sebutir bintang,
yang tabah menjalani sisa-sisa kehidupan
walaupun tidak dapat melihat dengan mata kasar
dia masih mampu melihat dengan mata hatinya.

Dia sebutir bintang,
hadirnya di dunia mengajar manusia erti kemanusiaan,
mengajar manusia erti sebuah kehidupan,
mengajar manusia erti pengorbanan.
Hadirnya memberi sinaran pada kesuraman
dan kegelapan malam.

Dia sebutir bintang,
yang berjaya menawan hati ini
berjaya mencelikkan rasa keinsafan
berjaya membangunkan sifat kemanusiaan
berjaya menyedarkan aku dari kealpaan...

Dia sebutir bintang,
walaupun jauh di mata..
dekat di hati
walaupun tidak pernah berjumpa
dan bersua muka,
dirinya akan ku ingat sentiasa..
kata-katanya akan kujadikan pembakar semangat
untuk terus berjuang
menempuh ranjau hidup ini
walaupun terpaksa merempuh pelbagai onak dan duri.
kerana kehadirannya telah mengajar ku erti hidup yang hakiki..

Terima kasih adikku Khairul
ketahuilah, jika perginya dirimu kelak
pemergianmu bukan suatu yang sia-sia
kerana kehadiranmu telah membuka mata hati diri ini
dan juga mereka-mereka yang mengenalimu..

Stolen from marylam's blog...

tHoUgHtS...

Hey ya!
Its been awhile since i blog. Guess wat, I went to werk de other day without sleeping again! Gosh! Rabakz sey! Luckily I was sent to fire post, but dare, i cant even sleep in peace!!! Puaka tol tu tempat!! Oh well, it's its home n we're invading..khekhekhe
During yesterday's highrise, i was given da most important appointment! Wow! Syukur Alhamdullilah i managed..Forget bits n pieces..but overall fer my first time it was ok..i was the heart of the operations..Controlling, monitoring da operations! kewl huh! Luckily my fren made some coffee, else..i'll be brain dead!
After work when everyone went home, i was de only one asleep in my dorm! I guess i haf to get used to it. MY SECOND HOME..khekhekhe..I had to go to HQ so i might as well get some sleep..
I'm soooooo thankful to God, for i've been accepted n my coz will commence on da 18 of july. Its a 7weeks coz. Dgn izin Allah, i pray everything will go on smoothly..Fer dose who knows wat i'm talking abt, pray fer me yar! :) It'll be a hectic busy busy 7 weeks...
Da disadvantage is dat, my rota will be goin fer some important tests, n i'm like suck wif dis course...Dat means i hafta go separately...sigh...oh well, sacrifices hafta be made!
Life for me pretty much ok..Realise i can't listen to some of da english songs..coz it brings back memories..hahaha..but one day, i'll fight my feelings n confront it..Insya-Allah..
Dares so many things i wanna do, but i dunno if time will permit..
Dares dis feeling fer me to persue dis thing, but, i dunnoe where to start looking fer it. i leave it to HIM..Insya-Allah..If HE wants me to persue it, HE'll show me da way..As fer my part, I'll keep on sourcing n keep my options open..
May God be with us all..

eVeNtS fEr dA dAy...tHoUgHts..

Woke up to da noise of construction work at my carpark. Surprised by some mood lifting msgs from frenz. Pretty much laz ard half da day. Got a surprising news from mary, someone came to merisik her! And da guy is twice her age! *lol* Sorry mary but i couldn't help it..Ayooo..Understand its not da first time. Wow! Now I knoe ur living like in dose kampung days!
Oh by da way, to all ex-xishanites, u peepz remember Mr Sarip, pri sch discipline master...He passed away yesterday morning in aust. Innallilah...
Where was I, got in touch wif an old fren from ncc..Now a police trainee..
Pretty much a boring day so I decided to go fer a walk at northpoint. Wanted to buy those Air Plants but...I haf dis urge to buy a Bonsai plant..Need some greenary in my room. Perhaps next time. I dunno wats wif me n Bonsai, Its kinda spiritual! *lol*
Had my first Pappa Roti or something like dat..Ok lah not bad..Everyone seems to be buying it..It has a kind of rich creamy taste. I think dares caffine in it. Coz i'm feeling kinda perky. Well, i walk here n dare..Nothing much..Got home decided to watch Sembilu 2005..
Watching the show, my temper slowly fluctuates but of coz lah towards de end..da farewell, uwaaaaaa...khekhakhakha..
Y do we even bother to Love if we know it may not last!!!
I realise dat with da right keys, its easy for one to fall in love, but leaving it or being left by it, it'll leave one unforgetable scar which may change one's life forever..
I ask myself, if dats da case, den why do we easily fall in love? Y do we even need to fall in love?
Beauty is undeniable n unavoidable. No one can resist at da sight of beauty. But can one honestly go beyond looks n go fer inner beauty or interllectual?
Me for instance, I've been asking so many questions...Obviosly i ain't ready to fall in love again, maybe not now maybe not ever. But y is da door of my heart knocked easily? could it be temptations? For those who haf experiance love, undeniable it is, to experience the beauty of it. how one completes u..how one can lift ur mood wif a touch. but wat is Love actually? Could it all be lies?
tak boleh dinafikan permulaan cinta itu manis...Tetapi kepahitan itu lebih perit hingga saat saat romantis serta kenangan manis boleh dilupakan dengan sekelip mata!
I would really like to find da person of the same brain frequency as me. One who can read each others mind. obviously it imposible!!! khakhakha..Coz i'm one unique guy u knoe! muahahaha
I've locked all doors, n promised myself, she who can unlock da doors n bring happiness to my life, i shall bewed her!
Some say i'm too choosy, I say, lom ader jodoh! ;)
Seriously I aint ready fer another relationship fer quite some time..Dares sooo many things to explore in dis world..
For now, I love the time spend wif my frens, be it new or old!
May God be wif us all!

BaTmAn BeGiNs

It Begins...

Just got home from GV! This show RAWKZZ!!! Its beyond wat i expected! It ain't da typical BATMAN show! This one is more to the real world where technology can do wonders! I've forgotten how i LOVE Batman! In short this show left me SMILLING n given me a sense of satisfaction!
So ya DC comic lovers, dis show is a MUST to watch!
I found out i ain't da only one who watches movies alone!!! Its kinda fun to watch da movies wif a full pax! Kinda make da place lifely n not lonely!

ITS NOT WATS UNDERNEITH U DAT MAKES U WHO U ARE, ITS WAT U DO THAT DEFINES U

a rAiNy mOrNiNg

Good Morning!
Woke up to a sad n angry dream! Wats worst to a rainy morning! Ayoh! Plus my colleague's granny just passed away! Innalillah.. My condolences..
Perhaps its rahmat fer da arwah..Hmmm..
Pretty much a slow sad start of da day...Hopefully it'll turn out better later on.
Lack of sleep, coz yesterday temankan dis penguin on da phone..*LOL*
Till 2 or 3 am, i was fighting sleep, in da end, after putting down da phone, i immediatel fell asleep with my pc n lights ON!!! Ayooooo...

tHoUgHtS fEr dA nItE

An almost Good morning...
I though lagu jiwangs will make me sad, but its all da english songs in my pc dats killing me...haaiizz..It was d/l by her..
Listening to Keane..She loves dis song..khakha..i think i'll sadden myself to sleep tonight.
Something is amiss...Something is not right..I sense something has happened n it hurts me dearly :) Oh well, i hope she's happy wif her life now. Am i curious to find out? Nah..It'll hurt me even more.
Looking out the night sky, wow its red. Been a long time since i walked in the rain. Rain is rahmat from God, when it suddenly rains, n i'm caught in it, i rarely run from it. Not always, u feel God's touch n greatness.
I can't help feeling something is not right..
Yesterday, one of my colleague was ill. After getting to know him better(usually in da gym), turns out he's a pretty kewl guy. He's got a body every guys n gals want. Plus he's a breaker (b boys), boxer n a fireman! He's one of the frontline ppl! An asset to the rota i would say. He won the recent competiton at youth park...Fer his solo, he got 3rd..He named himself madagascar! khakhakha..it was funny..Oh well, as i was saying, he was ill wif a throbbing headache. Something moved me to massage him..Its been so long..but syukur alhamdullilah, i found all da urat dat was necessary..but dare was something else too.....
I slept at the mussolah alone at werk..I coul'dn't sleep..usually it'll be cold, but dat night it was hot..wierd..Realise i was not alone..khakhakha...Tawakal..Only in da morning prayer den i heard its voice..Ain't sure whether its it or...khakhakha...
Oh well, kewl encounters...i miss da angel like encounters..khakhakha..i mean visits from da above..I think i must haf sinned myself too much since! khakhakha
Nitez peepz..
Wassalam

pUtErI gUnUng lEdAnG

Finally watched this movie again!
Beutiful beautiful beautiful movie. Ahhh.. Y can't love be this pure these days! ;)
Ain't it beautiful the way the persilatan was presented? Graceful but deadly! Da way M nasir brought the character to life, wif its adat, persilatan, maruah and most important of all, dignity and humbleness.
Stories haf been told of great fighters who's reputation is not only well know for his skills but also his humbleness and adat. These are the ppl whom i admire. Be it malay or indon. Especially those who fought in the name of Allah.
It will be an honour if i am to be chosen to bear the traditional sacred art of silat! Be it indon or m'sia, in its true n pure form..To harmonise oneself wif the environment, physically, mentally and spiritually!

sLeEpinG sPeLL

good noon!
just got back from werk..nothing much happened..except fer some interesting close encounters of the errie kind! *LOL*
well, firstly TOO THOSE PEEPZ WHO WERE CONCERN OF MY WHEREABOUTS, thanx a million..I was like under a spell! i fell half asleep n cant wake up..ayoohh..till now..so tired..
almost miss a call yesterday! ayoh..must be some sign..must look into it.
i think today i'll go into hibernation...muahahha
ony sadar at 2am de other day. my lil sis msg, chat fer awhile..yeah rite! till 5 am! den it was off to werk! *mampos* *lOl*
got to know her a lil better! no wonder we connected so well! she got indon blood n its very strong. sekali related eh! ayoh...small world..
Yoz lil sis! i happy dat u found ur love, as of ermm...8 of jun right? khakhkha..lucky number i hope ;) u stay happy ya.. n if ya ex treatens ya again, dun keep it to ya self dis time.. ;)
TO my ex-xishanites cliques,
Dun despare, if not many ppl turn out fer da picnic. wats important, we're dare enjoying ourselves! ;) (looking forward to da picnic)
BY DA WAY! I GOT DA COURSE! KHAKHAKHA...SHHSSSHHH..TELL YA ALL ABT IT WHEN I FINISHED IT! ;)

wAt i DiD tOdAy...

Yoz...
In da morning was kinda happy..coz its pay day(advance)...Asked Im to go to the movie to watch "Mr & Mrs Smith" at noon. In the mean time i had breakfast..my colleague's treat! After which I went to purchase some polo-Ts and tees..obviously all assosiated wif my work! kinda collectic da diff designs.
Then its off to home...before that, made a pit stop at bike shop to pay some debts! Feels like a never ending payment!!!
Went home, relax awhile dey outz again..Meet Im, movies, den off to causeway to settle some bills again...
A HEAVY load off my chest after settling everything...now I'M BROKE!!!
Did I mention da movie was NOT BAD! A bit draggy, but i LOVE da plot, two couples already strayed apart, released anger n kill each other, ending dey found wat dey lost..LOVE! kinda wished dat happened to me! muahahaha
After dat went to eat at LJS...we tapau ate a civic ctr...It was kinda cool..I think somehow we're bonding a lilitle..Its was my first movie wif my guy fren(after soo long..usually go alone)..LOL..It was wierd..but cool..Found out he shares da sme frequency as me..almost.. ;)
Got home, then I finally decided to got to my cuzz engagement..y not..its a bit complicating..
CONGRATES TO THE BOTH OF DEM
Guess wat..
My aunt asked y i never bring my ex along..
When am i gonna get engaged?
Questions Questions..Questions..Put a fake serious smiling face..
Found out, lat mth my fren got engaged, last last mth my enemy got engaged,
Well, i wouldn't blame dem, him actually, he prob haf better relationship skills den me..Look at where i am..ALONE!
Now i cant smile, nor be sad...But dares a tiny aching which is growing in my heart..but i'm too tired to feel it..
wat ever it is..
i'm happy for all of them even my enemy...even my ex..for she has been imprisoned by me fer 6 yrs..
FLY MY LOVE...FLY...
SOAR INTO THE GREAT HEIGHTS..
MAY ALLAH BE WITH YOU ALWAYS..

ps: i'm too exhausted to be thinking or typing nice stuff..khakhakha..wat talking me?

a tRiBuTe tO a dEaR fReN

Another truth unveiled...

The tragic love story of a friend,
Friends dey haf been fer yrs,
Only Last yr dey confessed,
True love indeed...

Alas they haf to part for he has to study abroad,
It was den da truth unveils,
He was diagnosed with stomach cancer,
Little time was dare left...

Next month, his bday could haf been,
Her heart fills with sorrow,
Tears accompanied her all her nights,
For she will never forget his last words...

Her love is so far away yet close to her,
An advice to a dear friend I gave,
His grave maybe far beyond reach,
Pray for him and HE will bring him closer to u.

A tragic love it is,
Far worst than mine I suppose,
For I'm willing to trade places,
So that u may experience the beauty of love happily ever after,
That I'll grieve happilly ever after at her grave...

To a dear friend,
You are one lucky Gal,
For ur love ended in beauty,
For Allah loves him..

You have with you an ethernal LOVE,
Treasure and cherish the moments,
Keep close to HIM,
For HE will be closer to him.

AL FATEHA

wAt a dReAm!

A Very Good Morning again!
Wow! wat dreams i had...Firstly it was abt you knoe who...Met her, talked to her, but in the presense of her parents..and my parents. Both from a dist. How dark she has become. Could it be her Qarin? Questions after questions I ask.. More disappointing answers I get. Oh dear what have become of her.
The other 2 were super scary..First was dis errie, old large shop house like..the funny thing is i turned out in uniform but me and one more person..To cut short, there were dead bodies, all mutilated by dis unknow being..Nak cakap cik kak bukan nak cakap jin pun bukan..Wat ever it is, i glad it was over..
immediatedly after dat i turned out in an apartment, again the same thing... But the funny thing is its situated at a cemetery...AND FOR THE FIRST TIME, all da ppl I see are dead ppl (they look normal). It was kinda scary coz dey dun know dat i'm not one of them..Dis apartment, is so clean, so grad, so beautiful! which makes it even more SCARY! I only managed to get into the house. But I was by the door as something told me if i dun, the door will shut and i'll be locked. At the entrance itself, neck kembang so much dat it was almost unbearable for me.. The first location already drained my energy..It was unbearable, so I called for help..It was too intensed that i retreat..i RAN!!! Dat feeling is the feeling I get when a super cik kak was ard..If i'm not wrong dat apartment belongs to u ehem..Not an ordinary ranking cik kak..
Wait a min, I think dare is a 3rd dream but its a bit fuzzy..Something about 2 old schs built in one. Dat thing dated hundreds and hundreds of yrs. From the exterior it look small, but it has many many passages.. Then it was something abt this hundreds of devils, and one person whose creating it...............
How real was the dream? A pinch in da dream will be felt by me in the real world..May even leave a bruise.
Was it all just a dream? Or did my soul actually travelled to do some deed or to train preparing... I guess my gut feeling last night was true after all.. Memang ader tetamu tak diundang.. Someone was playing..But who? Who haf regarded me as his enemy... I haf only a few hunches..

To those disbelievers, I pray one day u see what I see!

hEeDiNg eLdErLy'S aDvIcE

Good morning!
Just woke up...Remembered this advice from my father, while in anger, if one cannot cool off,
if ur standing, sit down;
if ur sitting, lie down;
if ur still angry, sleep;
if ur still angry, wu'duk;
So far so good...just a little groggy!

It is said, if one dat is given a temper n able to control/contain it, will be well rewarded.

sLeEp oVeR iT?

I thought I could sleep over it..Guess not, somehow its still bothering me. Am i over-reacting? The thought of his sarcastic remarks played over and over in my head.. This sucks... Gosh I'm really annoyed..

a ShAbBy dAy iT tUnRnEd oUt aFtEr wErK

Alas!
Finally decided to blog..All in all yesterday's shift was pretty much ok. Except when it was almost time up from work. This collegue of mind..came nagging, giving sacarstic remarks about something that happened unintentionally...Or shall I say accidently! I managed to contain my anger..but..maybe I should look into this matter...

a MiNi gAtHeRiN aT mAc uP nOrTh

We had a mini gatherin or shall I say meeting. Gee, Mar, Im, Mi, Lasman (by chance, i could barely recognize him) and Hafiz. Man was there by chance while Hafiz decided to drop by. We are planning some up coming events..So keep ur eyes peeled! Khakhakha...Hopefully with the will of God, it'll be successful Insya-Allah.
By the way, you peepz should have been there to see this stranger(old chap) fell from the stool then he went crazy and kick all the stools. And not to mention he shouted..LOL it was funny!

rEcAlLiNg tHe pAsT

I'm helping Gee do an article about NS life in MALAY! Of all lauguage! I recall those days of hardship, arguments, betrayal, and worst of all, the fact that she was not there.
Even when I was posted to CDA to begin my next phase of training, it was not easy for me. But to me, the most memorable is being with my brothers in CDA. There we sweat, suffered, argued and bonded! I miss them a lot. It was towards the end when she came back to my life. Out of the blues again. Then, my spirit grew stronger, no longer tearing to sleep, no longer aching in the heart. It was then i felt complete. Trained extra hard, after u know it, I was a regular! A passion for fire fighting and rescue developed in me! The most beautiful memory was my pasing out. We made a video of our training for our passing out (which is now lost, no one had a chance to make a copy). The sense pride was too great that most of us weep in silence.
To make the night more complete and beautiful, were the presence of my family and my ex!
Oh dear God! I thank you for returning her to me even if it was for a short while. I cried in my heart as my father put on my new rank. There, a new phase in my life have begun...
TO PROTECT AND SAVE LIVES AND POPERTY

FiNalLy GeTtInG eNgAgEd

Ahh..
Got an invite from my aunt, my cousin getting engaged this Sat. From my aunt! Hah! Oh well, lots of things have happened. Me and my cousin were very close. He and his fiance to be are together for a very very very long time! They were declared Romeo and Juliet back in Sec sch. Ahhh...They went through worst den me...But my cousin fiance to be is a very very very strong woman. i pray for their happiness and future.. Moga percintaan mereka di rahmati Allah. Moga kehagiaan hingga ke cucu cicit. I'm not sure if I could attend the majlis. Its a bit complicating...Haiizz... :)

I'm happy for the both of ya!
God bless!

rEnUnGaN...

Yang dekat itu MATI,

Yang jauh itu MASA,

Yang berat itu AMANAH,

Yang ringan itu SOLAT,

Yang tajam itu LIDAH.

Imam Ghazali

gOoDbYe mAy

Finally!
Good Bye May...
A month filled with stress,
physical and mental endurance,
and most of all, the lost of a love one.

She was everything to me,
my friend, my sister, my love.
Once again she has lost her way,
what she has become now I dun knoe.
For the better I can only hope.

"He took away one but gave me more"
I use this phrase to console myself,
For each day it seems I'm loosing faith in Him.
What have I become? What have I done?
What will happen to me? What am I to do?
Questions, questions, questions

A bitter person I've become,
Resurrected from the past,
An angry, Vengeful person I am...
What have I done, What have I done...

Good Bye May,
I bid u farewell for now.
I hope u bring beautiful memories in time to come,
but for now, finish my work I must,
So I can totally let go of May!

A warm welcome Jun,
For I am glad u are here.
Oh, how happy i am to see u,
I hope u have brought happiness for me

To all those who stood by me,
in my times of insanity,
i bow to u, for ur deed shall never be forgotten,
Brother, Sisters, Pls accept my humble apologies,
If I have offended u in any way.