30th December 2005

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

The year is almost coming to an end. Its funny how fast time flies. One min ur in love da next its gone. Den it begins all over again, like a cycle dat never fails to end. I look back at the past to see if i've made any accomplishments, to recall dose happy or sad moments only to realise its BLANK!!
Yup i guess dats me. I dun keep milestones or memories very well in my brain. To me, life's all abt living it fer da day and dats it. It does not mean dat i'm impulsive or those kind of 'bo chap' type. I do always plan ahead of things though i can be very lazy at times!
"We never plan to fail in life but often we fail to plan!"

I haf dis "go wif da flow" attitude. Its a simple way of life, when i need to or when the situation requires to den i will move accordingly. I know it aint a gd attitude coz u'll require lots of goals or motivation to actually get things DONE! Else lazinees sets in! :(

I respect those ppl who can actually pick demselves up and actually get things done way beyond deadlines! They say its good plannin/organizing but i say its DISCIPLINE!

Werk is getting to me. Seems dares lots of stuff to do since i got back from my LONG LEAVE! Apart from my normal LAST MIN ASSIGNMENTS! i'm involve in da major exercise dats been in da news! Nope aint gonna tell u wat when or where.. :*
if ur da unlucky commuter den..kwang3..too bad..LOL

I'm feeling lost now..on da phone wif boo n tryin to jot my thoughts..I dun know if its coz of da hang over from da extremely late sleep i had since i knocked off werk or...hmmm...I'm tryin to get over things. I ask myself y i'm worshipping my past when dares nothing to worship all abt. Wats so great abt my past? Waat da F8Ck is wrong wif me? LoL!
I'm known to haf a wierd brain wavelength..I think recently my colleagues saw my crazy bubbly self dats been kept in da dark fer yrs. i think some of em cant stand it! LoL..
oh well, might as well enjoy it, sooner or later i'll change again..becoming all serious again. Trust me..Dis one i can foresee. y is dis a gd thing? it somewat shows dat i'm ready to move on to smtg new..but wat ah? khakhakha..

oh well, boo seems to be bored on the other side of da phone..better go and tok to her..Addios!

It still hurts?

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

*BAM*! Smtg i tot I gotten awy just hit me hard again! Sigh..Guess all dese while its been kept in da dark. "Its time to move on.." Dis is wat i'm tellin myself..Over n Over again..Y do i get butterflies when i saw it? Y does it seems my heart skip a beat or 2..
It hurts seein some1 happier in da hands of another. Wat i fail to accomplish seems to be a walk in da park fer another.

Lookin at da bigger picture, i got my second chance. To make some1 happier. To accomplish smtg i couldn't. But.. It aint da same it just hurts not matter wat. Though i've hurt her inttentionally or not but..

Guess i am sumhow still in da dark ages. But thank God, she is da light..Perhaps da light of my life but i just dun know it yet. Dey say time heals all wounds..Time is healling my wounds, hopefully time will also open up my heart to love again da way i did once upon a time..

I pray dat my past found wat she has been looking fer...May she be happy always..

I pray dat my present, if she is da one, my light, my other half, i pray for her happiness, health and patience. If we are meant to be, may God open up our hearts and bless our love fer all ethernity.. If we are meant to be.. If we are meant to be..

Some1 once told me, wat i'm doin is actually punishin myself..n da way i do it, its too deep. I din realise all dis n i cant denied it either. Am i? Oh my.. But y all dis? Its beyond my understandin.. hopefully one day HE will show me da truth..

20th December 2005

“Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory”

Greetings my fellow frenz n readers..
Its been 2 weeks or so? Where haf i been? Wat haf i been up to? hahaha..Life's passin super fast..One min u were filled wif guilt de other in trainin n da next at ur frenz wedding. How time flies. How closer we all are to da grave.

I needed some time to clear things up n God gave me things to pre-occupy my mind. HE's all knowing. It hurts to be hurt by da one u truely love. I know, I've been dare. But to forgive n accept it all? I never thought anyone'd do dat fer me. Wat is da hidden msg behind all dis? Does love really exist fer me?

Things are goin crazy fer me. Ppl settlin down here n dare. Werk is takin da next level fer me..If it all werk out, its either life or death. Perhaps dat is y I'm too afraid to fall in love. Afraid i'm unable to perform my duties to my peak wif out thinkin of my love ones. The thought of da risks, da realism of death..but somehow i know i'm destined to do dis. Somehow i know HE's always by my side..Wierd? I'd say miracle!

6th December 2005 (night)

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Half da day us gone..
Sometimes in life, u just wanna take a gamble. To try new things be it its against Religion or not. To know how it feels n y ppl r doin it. A sin dat one must bear, a price one must pay now or later in dis life or de afterlife.

I failed my prac, n now i'm falling sick. Stopped by Seletar dam to tune my bike n watch sunset alone. Thinkin abt wat has happened. Wat is right is now wrong, wat is wrong is now right. A step forward i've taken, closer i feel to my grave but i've yet to prepare. I haf sins beyond sins. i've gone beyond my principles n beliefs just to satisfy my craving curiousity.

May GOD haf mercy on us all. May GOD forgive us all n turn us back to wat is right. n to all of u, pls forgive all my wrong doins, my sins. Peace my brothers n sisters.

6th December 2005

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

6th December 2005

Good mornin!
TO be honest, i forgot its my bdae today! Kwang..Kwang..Kwang..Till I got a phone call from beetlebug n her new found flower @2300! Dat was soo sweet..Awww..Y? coz i just got back from my practical. It din turn out soo good n tomorrow's my evaluation..Sigh..Guess under all dat stress knowing dat my frenz remember my bdae..kinda touching. Besides dat, got some present from my parents. and not forgettin wishes from mary, yani, dillah, beetle n her panadol ..hehehe..n of course boo. Did i mention she got me a bdae cake last Sat? I think i did my last entry..
hehehe..

Wats up dis month? I'll be pretty busy again..sigh..My name's up fer bomb squad selection. Dunnoe if i can make it. Seems kinda tough. Kinda like DART seletion. Sigh..Dats a 3 days selection n workshop. Besides dat, got some kinda meeting or seminar so to speak..

Hows me n boo? entah lah..actually dunnoe wats wrong wif me..Kiri tak kena, Kanan tak kena..I dunno lah.. I'm really messed up n confused..

Wats on my mind lately? I dunnoe if i should get a 400cc bike or just wait n get a 600cc or 1000cc bike. Da thought of getting a car is also dare. Y a bigger bike? Actually dares a desire to travel far or to play track @ pasir gudang..I dunnoe yet. But da frustration of gettin ur skills right is dare! Sigh.. Since i downgraded to a smaller bike, Its soooo different.. At times i just feel like giving up! But..Insya-Allah.. Aight peepzz. take care n Gd nite.

To dose who wished me bdae, n dose who remember me, Thank you so very much. Its touching knowing dat others remember me. May God Bless us all.

End of Syawal..

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

3rd December 2005

Syawal is coming to an end. I cant say I din enjoy Syawal, but i cant also say i enjoyed syawal. This yr's Adilfitri is a beautiful n memorable one i'd say. I got in touch wif so many frenz. So much so i forgot how it feels to be loved by dose who cares abt u. Dis yr's open house, Masya-Allah, so many beautiful frens turned up. From ex-primary sch to sec to colleague. It may not seem much but its da most in my life. look at my english, I'm having problem expressing my thoughts!

Yesterday, i met up wif my ex-pri sch frens..I know..I know i've be missing fer a long time. I suppose besides bein busy i was kinda upset dat i missed da hari raya outing wif my pri frenz, n my sec sch frenz..Only when wif boo's frenz..I was pretty much besy wif courses n all. Had my HTML course n recently i GOT MY RESTRITED CLASS 4 LICENSE!! Kewl aye? Wat else happen? entah lah..Life's like spining sooo fast.

Oh ya, i went to Stains Field College to checkout da course but..Well, seems like my schedule si like sooo tight up, its kinda risky to take it up. i hafta stop now, boo came down wif a surprise bdae cake! Goin to Lyana's sis's wedding dinner later in da evening wif sum of da gals n guys..Take care peepz. To all whom i couldnt vist ur house, I'm soo sorry. Insya-Allah next yr aight! ;) Peace to all!

dA tRuTh iS fInAlLy oUt

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Finally..In da mist of thunder n heavy downpour, da truth is finally out! I'm pretty shock myself. Din expect dis to happen AGAIN! Masya-Allah.. This is far beyond my control. Perhaps within it lies a teaching. I do wat I can, I leave Da rest to HIM.

9th November 2005

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Life's taken an unexpected twist. All I have been looking forward to is fading away. Wat has happen? Wats da meaning of all dis? Questions..Questions..Questions. I dun wanna hurt anyone, especially boo. But wat is goin on? We had a small chat yesterday, n it turned out all wrong! I said things dat I did not mean.

Wats my next step? Wat am I to do wif my life? I dun wanna remain stangnant all da time. I wanna create several milestones of my life! Dare r a few goals in mind I'm considering...but y da sudden shift? Me n boo haf grown further due to our work demands. Seems dares lesser time to spend wif each other. Seems i growing more n more independent..

O yar! Its still Hari Raya! Gosh I felt as if its over! Speaking of which, I dun think I can make it dis outting dis coming 13th. Sigh..Can only gett off at 8pm. Dat is, if all goes well. Seems like most of my colleagues r having courses on da 14th. Werk! Ahh..Yesh werk..Heard da reshuffling is canceled, coz it caused lots of uprising n unhappiness plus, my "boss" is getting transfered sooner den expected. He sure is a high-flyer!

Some still ask, whether i've gotten over my past, truth is, i'll never will. But, to forgive, is da biggest step to fogetting abt da past. So, dats wat i'm doin. To forgive. Of course, wif it comes sorrowness but hopefully I can move on. Just a side note, dis has no bearing to wat is goin on wif me n boo. So dun make assumtions! Coz Assumtions is da mother of all FUCK UPS!

Dares nothing much fer now, da rest is all in my head, processing..n processing..n processing..
Y?..Y?..Y?.. Y not? Y dis? Y dat? Y must I? Hopefully i wont loose my mind. Always in deep thoughts. Dis worries me a lot. Even when I'm wif my frens, i'm not present..

6th November 2005

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Salam Lebaran!
Dis year's lebaran was filled wif sooo many challenges, but wif patience n perseverance n da Baraqah givin in da holy month of Ramadan, it became BEAUTIFUL!

Dis year's Lebaran, i did not celebrate it wif my dearest. Its a first. No matter wat in da past, somehow we'll get togetger n patch things up just b4 raye. But dis time, God took her away n replace it wif something even MORE! EVEN BETTER! Frenz n Family! n of course dat special sum1.

Yesterday, I had my open house. the surpise was overwhelming. Frenz from my pri sch, frenz from my sec n frenz from werk. Somehow we managed to put aside our differences n made peace. Perhaps dats is wat my awah fren wanted. Fer all just to put aside our differences n make peace. Perhaps his passing is a blessing in disguise!

Speaking of which, my frenz n cousin n i visited my arwah's family right after Solat Adilfitri. Dey greeted us wif joy n when its soon to make a move, her mother teared in grief. Dat broke a tear in all of us. Realisin da fact dat he's gone. Make God haf mercy on his soul.

So i though y dis yr would be any diff, so i visited boo's house after i got home. Facing da fact dat i haf not slept well, coz dat mlm raye, we went to geylang up to 4am! Hahaha..Wow! Human TRAFFIC JAM!!!

I just dun knoe wat else to say. Dares sooo much things dat happen. So much things i learnt abt my frenz. things dat make u tear..How we haf all changed. How we all haf been tested by God. Its amazing, how we all are in touch tight now. I'd say all things happen fer a reason. I'd say its a miracle. I pray dat may God allow us to continue our beautiful frenships till end of time. May it bloom n never fade. May God be wif us all n may God haf mercy on us all.

Once again, Salam Adilfitri, Salam Sejahtera.

EiD muBaRaK

"Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Ampun Maaf kepada semua seaindainye terkasar bahasa atau salah silap"

A very Good morning! A lot has happen dis ramadan. Filled wif lots of dugaan. But Syukur Alhamdullilah, setiap kejadian ader sebabnye dan rahmatnye. Di bulan yg penuh Rahmat ini, bila ku lihat balik kejadian2 yg berlaku, air mata hampir2 menitis. Di sini lah ku hampir hilang nyawa ku, disinilah ku hampir hilang bonda ku, di sinilah ku hampir hilang arah dan akal..
TEtApi disebaliknye, semua ade sebab2 tertentu, Allah maha mengetahui, Allah maha Adil, Allah maha Suci. Subbahanallah...

Again dis morning, I was haunted by my past. The more i look at it, the more i realise how much my soul 'sanjung' her.. Dun get me wrong, I aint looking at da past. Perhaps its because, every yr no matter wat happens we never fail to get back during Ramadan. And every 1st day, I never fail to visit her family. Dis time its just diff. I feel like i'm cheating sumhow. but who am i cheating? Sigh.. I knoe Boo's been upset n very patience wif me. But its me who's impatience..
I could almost cried in my dreams just now, Oh dear God, how long more will u torture my soul..

To look more on da positive side, I got in touch wif lots of my frens. The long lost ones, da trator whom noW is a fren, the new frens...A new bike...A new life fer my mom..And most importantly, A NEW STRONGER ME!

TO ALL MY FRENS, DA LOST, DA OLD, DA NEW, DA EX-TRATORS, MY LOVE, N MY PAST,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI,

SEANDAINYE KU BERDOSA TERHADAP MU,

KU MOHAON AMPUN DARI MU, HALAL KAN MAKAN MINUM KU

MOGA ALLAH REDOR'I KAMI SEMUA

28th October 2005

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Just got back to wat seem a very long day..Just completed de Fire Simulator Instructor Course. Pretty kewl! Its amazing how modern technology can recreate various diff fires!

Today somehow dares a smile on my face..Y? Coz my bike's 'runnin in' is almost complete! Finally dares POWER! Else i can't even go beyong 80km/h! Almost fell asleep several times at dat speed! Dangerous!

How's my mom doin? Haven visited her. Doc said she got some kidney infection n suspect her havin a small stone in da kidney..Shssshh! Can't dey just confirm it n get it over n done wif! I seriously lack of sleep, my eyes r like swollen..n I hafta finish my werk..grrr..Getting agitated easily..

Oh well, ya all take care. Selamat berbuka!

TiMe 2 LeT gO...

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Good morning!
Just had my "sahur". After the drowing incident wif my bike, well, actully during da time i was swimin fer my life, I realise how much I love aini. Took me awhile but, she's growing on me. At times, i won't speak to her fer days, its not dat i dun wan to but i just can't. yeah i knoe its very wierd. But when i can, i try to keep her as happy as much as I can.

Letting go of my bike was a big sacrfice. Its like saying goodbye to my past. I think dat bike alone has eaten up to 10k! Gosh! A really bad investment.
Its not just da bike, but I let go one of my arowana, my discus, my kois! the house was just too messy wif all dese pets!
Just now, the 3 kittens n their mother was left somewhere far away..They're a really more den a handful to take care of. Shitting here n there! N da mother shit in my neighbour's pots! Boy was she making so much fuss, all da way up to da market n relatives!

I haf not started to plan fer da chalet.. i knoe some r disappointed abt it..Insya-Allah I'll look into it. Perhaps if its impossible to organise one, we'll just replace it wif an over nite bbq. See how lah..1 thing at a time..Nitez peepz..

A sErIeS oF uNfOrTuNaTe eVeNtS..

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

A Series of unfortunate events some might say.. After one incident to de other, some may find dis darkness unbearable. Perhaps thanks to this holy month of Ramadan, there's actually light even thought its pitch dark..

I just came back from Tan Tock Seng Hospital. Its my mom... She hospitalised now. Still under observation. The Docs suspect her havin some sort of infection in her kidney and the presense of stone in her kidney. I totally din know how to react when i got home from werk. I was sleepin (din sleep at werk..) n my mom mumbling something then she just sad by me in agony waiting fer me to wake up. I was literally fightin myself to wake up. Gosh who can bear to see their mother crying in agony. Wats worst i found out she was in worst condition n my dad din wanna call da ambulance. Boy am i pissed off wif him! Called some stupid doc to come over! Wat da Fuck was he thinkin! Is it a question of money over life? Wat went through his egoistict mind!
Heard my mom was sufferin through da whole nite... Oh Dear God..Now hopefully she's in good hands now. Wonder how's she doin..

Last week i ran into some sort of an accident..It was a Sun..It was raining da whole day, and some areas of Singappore was actually flooded. I was on my was home from TPE n i decided to take a short cut through Seletar Airport. I came to the round about and there it was, TOTALLY FLOODED! The car in front of me attempted n made it. I din spot de other cars whom were actually stucked dare! It soo cold dat i din stop to access da situation. The method was correct, to engaed in first gear/half clutch and high rev. BUT! I was looking down to ensure it was not too deep, without realisin dat i was off-course! There is actually a 3m deep drain dat runs across the round about!!! In short my bike went in n ...Da current in da water was sooo strong..Luckily i managed to grap hold of something..Told myself not to panic but to SWIM!
Kinda kewl experience..Dat nite after break fast, da TP called, said da bike had been found! lol..So I cycled dare to find my bike in da 3M DEEP DRAIN STILL STANDING UPRIGHT WITHOUT A SCRATCH!!! lol Costs me 60 buck to extricate dat bike n to transport it to my workshop.. After werk i straight away went to my werkshop..n sigh..just as predicted it'll cost up to 1k to repair it. so i though..just to give it up. It holds too many memories..n it has swolled too much money..So i decided to trade in da bike!

My eyes cant take it anymore..i like sooo exhausted..need my sleep..continue some other time..haven really sleep since i got back from werk n i'm on course later..sigh...

4th October 2005

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"

Eleanor Roosevelt

Good evening!
Wah! Its FASTING MONTH! How time flies..How time flies.. Yesterday had a mini gatherin at a nearby coffeeshop wif ma ex pri mates..Mar, Rin, Yani, Im n myself. It was pretty much a last minute thing. Mar decided to haf a gatherin to welcome da month of ramadan. We too discussed the upcoming chalet in Dec. They wanted a special kinda gatherin n dey wanted a chalet. IN DEC! So I though y not..since its my badae y not i sponsor da chalet! *lol* I've never had a chalet b4. I mean to organize one! I haven decide to make it an all frenz thingie or famli n frenz kinda chalet.. I still haven decided which kinda frenz to invite. Dun get me wrong. All r frenz just dat sum won't get along wif de other! n I dun wan my main circle to be left out.

Well, dats a dist worry. Fer not, I'm kinda demoralized. DAres a reshuffling n i hear dat I'm bein transfered out to another Rota. Sucks man..Sigh..So 'm like feelin gloomy..

Boo n me? hmmm..making things work. Feels responsible fer her..kahkha..I'm still on da move. Wif so many last min workshops n courses n meetings..Sigh..Dats life aye! I serously need to improve my fitness. Its slacking..Gosh sooo many Goals to achieve but soo little time to work fer it. Enough of my whining. Addious ppepz! Take care ya all!

28th September 2005

"There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief."
-Aeschylus

Good Afternnon!
Its rainin CATS & DOGS! And I got to attend AAR @ 1430 @ Telok Kurau Camp! Ayoooo!! Seems like a tiny reanactment of a hurricane! "Sisir Aúzubillah!" Strong winds n heavy rain. Scary de man! Anyways, hmmm..dun really know wat to blog abt. Lets see..

Finally I'm like restin at home. Doin nothing much. Been on da move since my bike got out. Hahaha..Its wierd dat so many last min things crop up. Fortunately i got transportation.

Seriously I dun knoe wat to blog abt. Except dese past few days, my mind has been on my bike. Thoughts abt upgrading n how serious i am abt riding. Thoughts of how dangerous it is. Yesterday, i made 2 mistakes dat was dangerous. I had a pillion! Wat da F%*$ was I thinking! I'm afraind of ridin when my mind is half shut down. Unable to reason my decisions in time. Its no joke. Which is why i prefer to keep to da speed limits. i rather ride on da safe zone n let others say wat dey want. Unless ur absolutely sure then u should make ur move!

2 yrs on public transport wat do ya expect! but somehow it seems like yesterday I was riding. I still recall how naive n hot tempered back den. Made so many foolish decisions. 2yrs of fasting made me value wat i haf. Da freedom to ride, my bike n most important life itself. I enjoy riding be it in da fast lane or da slow lane. It gives a sense of peace. Especially at night when dares no one on da road.

Bein a rider ain't dat simple. Dares a code of conduct u hafta follow. I'm not talking abt those laws n all. I'm talking abt street codes! Disrespect em n others may intrepete ur challenging em! In other words courtesy. i dun wanna go too detail in it. Lets talk abt attire wise. i'm a little particular abt da attire i wear when i'm riding. Firstly i dun react to cold very well. Which is y u always see me wearin a jacket n long pants n shoes. If i can i wanna wear my gloves, but it looks a little over! Hahaha..Seriously when it get cold, i can really shiver..Especially at night.

Why jeans, jacket n shoes? Well, besides da coldness, its da safety aspect. Prevention is better den cure. Simple as dat. Some ask why do i always wear my jacket inverted. Answer is simple, aerodynamic. At first i ignored all dese but dare was one point when it poured cats n dogs, i was wearin full rain coat back den, gusts of wind seems to be trapped by my jacket, creating a kinda parachute effect causing u to steer out of course easily. Den dares another reason, When I was young, i observed y all these uncles wear it all inverted! Now I know y!

Things just dun happen without a reason. Think abt it. Observe n ask y! Seems like da "mini storm" has passed! I can see clear skies. Its time fer me to get ready now. Cheers peepz!

Norlyana's 22nd bdae celebration

Norlyana's 22nd Bdae

Greetings!
Had an advance bdae celebration on 25th sept 2005 at Sembawang Park. Who was dare? Shirin, Mar, Yani, Hafiz, Im, Lyana n myself..7 in total..
Mar baked a cheeze cake fer da bdae gerl..khakha..while Rin did da sketch book! Me? rushed ard to get one PHOTO PRINTED!!! khakha..Expensive sia!

Oh well, Darlin couldn't make it. She wanted to but dhe got her own bdae party to attento plus drivin lesson. So told her not to rush. Khekhe..
Her she had loads of fun. So did I..Thank You God. It was like a blessing.

Anyways, da bdae gerl kena psycoed to BLANJA US ALL!! lol So we went to ermm..wats dat place called..beside Mobil..Along Sembawang Road..Erm..Rubiah or smtg like dat..

So now..I'm like full..later looks like a long day at werk! Cheers! may God bless us all!
May One day our path cross again! May God Bless US ALL! Amin!

25th Spetember 2005

"There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief."
-Aeschylus

Greetings,
Just read someone's blog, I think she got my name wrongly SPELLED! Hahaha..
I know u haf put in soo much effort, but i just cant help it. Fighting this feeling. Guess i'm cursed. Unable to feel love at all. Love is indeed "suatu anugerah dari Tuhan". At time I'd miss u but at times i just feel anger. But.."aku pasrah, adakah ini suatu ujian bagi ku? Ape pun jua aku terima dgn iklas."
All feelings haf been switched off. Dares da desire to be alone. To be wif HIM. I haf failed once to be in solitute..I dunno wats goin on. My mind's always flying off but my heart is thinkin of HIM. I dun mean to hurt u. I just need time to sort things out. Dun worry its not dat of a big deal. ;)

Werk? Had a friction wif one of my colleague, but luckly i kept cool..its like suddenly i lost all feelings n my focus was on him..Awaiting fer him to to cross da line. Din think of it much till i got home. The thing abt controling ur anger is dat it'll eat u up when ur cooled.. Its like u cant let go.. At da same time u dun wanna blow up or vent it all out. Perhapz u wouldnt wanna make things more complication. Perhaps u wouldnt wanna hurt de other person. I tried sleeping over it but still..Hahaha..Masya-Allah..

Oh well, today my ex pri frens r celebrating 2 of our frens bdays. Seems like dese circle of frens r pretty much strong n on goin. I thank God fer dat. just sad Boo cant be join. She wanted but its too rushing. So i dun wanna tire her. Let her focus in her TP. All da best!

Seems like a good weather to wash my bike ;)
Addious peepz..Take care!

22th September 2005

"There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief."
-Aeschylus

A very Good Evening!
Yupz I knoe i've been away fer quite sume time..hehe..Been on da move lately. Especially wif my baby! I've never traveled so wide! been to geylang, bishan, bedok reservoir..upper changi..etc..etc..
haha..Last time was darn scared to move ard..Now seems adventuous..ape ke tak, 2 tahun PUASA!!
But still at times a bit scarry...
Ayways, today was rather disappointing, i was really looking forward to a movie butt..sigh..
o well..I'm like soooo exhausted..
seems a lot of stuff coming..but cant think wat now..
To all ya peepz! take care yar! Just because i'm not ard or not reply does not mean i'm not thinkin of ur all! peace ya all!
May God be wif us all..

Where's da food! 

Lets Fish! 

My very first fish! Ikan Grapu! 

My baby now.. 

My baby back den.. 

100th Post!

"There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief."
-Aeschylus

Good Morning!
Wow! Finally got time to blog! This is my 100th post! amazing how time flies! Last i remember i was hearth broken and i started to blog..hahaha..How time flies..how time flies..
I just got back from JB..y? haha..
Went in to pump petrol n ehem..do some minor adjustments..on wat? hahaha..(read on..)

Wat haf i been up to? pretty much by myself actually. no time spent wif boo too.. I dunno wats happenin..But i hope everything will be fine. So, as i was saying, wat haf i been up too..so far i can remember 3 major events dat made some impact on my life. Firstly, was da D&D @ Pan Pacific wif Boo..her workplace's annual dinner..First time i attended some function like dis..Secondly, da fishing trip I had wif my colleagues. We went deep sea fishing sometime back. Can't really remember when. Few days back i think..We were on a boat somewhere ard West Coast..N guess wat, I caught my very first FISH! Masya-Allah..Wat a great feeling! Learnt so many knots..Soon i think i wanna start fishing..

Next is, I JUST GOT BACK MY BABY!!! Yupz my long lost BIKE!! We've been apart fer like 2 yrs..Miss him so much! Got it last Sat..So dis make me my 2nd day riding it..For the first time, I really enjoyed riding! Din mind at wat speed, just ride..I remember dat night at da station, my first time washing my baby after so many yrs. It brought back memories.. I Guess i almost teared..Haha..well, u knoe i know..If u dun den..u hafta read in btw da lines! ;)

I think I post some pics on my blog..I'm feelin kinda lonely now..dunnoe if i miss boo or..ermm..sigh..hahaha..y cant i just let go..

Boo's been very patience wif me. Am really messed up. Dunnoe lah wat to do..Sigh..Bearing dat in mind, i'like trying to give n take..Sigh..We've haven been talking much..Just a hello n bye kinda thing. Dunno wats happening..sigh..

Enough of my rambling..oh dear, da cost of petrol is really high now..In Singapore i can only get abt 5 litres compared to M'sia where i can get a full tank..Ayoo..Pretty expensive..Aight..aint feeling too Gd..night..

13th September 2005

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Hmmm..
Greetings...A bit gloomy.., Yesterday was boo's bday..din "happly" sepnt time wif her. was raining n all..Bought her a fossil watch. Latest design wif latest PRICE!! haha..worth it.

Wat i do today? went ard spending 50 bucks. bought vcd, sushi, marker, fish food..By da way, i cycle all da way to woodlands (actually just after sembawang) to meet my long lost baby..Sigh..when will we be reunited again! I urge fer dat day to come. Soon..soon..insya-allah..

me n boo? actually on da rocks. Me as usual..dun knoe wats wrong. I'm holding to my safety line..nothing too serious to worry abt..(i hope..)

o well, werk..werk..werk..

Goodbye Titi

Passed away on 9th September 2005

31st August 2005, Wednesday Night

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good eveinn to all!
The wheels in my head has begun to spin. I realise dat I aint getting any younger! Its time fer a proper savings! *lol*. Operation "Cost efficiency" is underway! Trimming loose ends here and dare. Insya-Allah, I'm able to trim the roots of my PROBLEM! The 2YRS CAUSE OF FINANCIAL FRICTION!

BUT! There's always a but! We humans only plan but HE has the FINAL SAY! Hahahaha..
I can only pray that i'm doing the right thing and that all will go well! Insya-Allah.

I just realise something, did u knoe dat ur certificates such as O'level or NITEC or Dip of watever lah has an EXPIRY DATE!!!! GOSH!! Dat SUCKS!! I found out dat ur O'Level expires in 3 YRS!!! So now my O'level is just a piece of JUNK PAPER! *SIGH* Its actually more fer those who wants to continue their education via MOE. Like goin back to Poly as full time student or something like dat. Aint to sure abt P/T students. Ain't too sure abt private institutions.

So, fer ya who's thinkin of stopping their study, think again! u only GOT 3 YRS oF VACATIONS! *lol* Oh yah, one more thing, ur cert will remain valid if ur werkin in ur related field ie. if u haf a dip in engineerinm u better be in da related field instead of werkin in some cafe! Its sooo disappointing aye? Now i knoe why dey say once ur out of the education sys its hard to get back in! *Sob..sob..

Thats so much fer now. Seems like i got lots of upcomin events next mth! no time fer my darlin i suppose..Take care n God Bless us all!

29th August 2005, Monday Night

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good evening,
I just watched dis indon drama, "Astargfillah". Its a drama based on past accounts. Today's show is abt how one uses sihir to break apart 2 lovers. Actually i watched a couple of episodes. How one uses djinn to create havoc n all. Wats so unique abt dis show is dat at de end of it, dis ustaz will recite versus from the Holy Quran n somewat give "pedoman" Masya-Allah. It is stated in the Holy Quran in surah AlBaqarah, dat such sihir exists, where hatred is used to break apart Husband n Wife, Wife n husband, and even 2 lovers. Masya-Allah. How zalim dese ppl can be. To misuse such abilities. Ya-Allah..Dare was one episode dat mirrors wat i went through in life. Masya-Allah. "Ya-Allah, aku bersyukur kerana KAU masih menetapkan Iman ku.."

Wat i wen through is nothing to wat dose ppl in Indon face everyday. Sihir is a part of their everyday weapon. I recall da time when i went to Java, no matter how nice one can be, its da heart dat matters. Its hard to say. They face hardship, poverty. The way I look at it, ONLY DA STRONG SURVIVES! Banyak pekara yg aneh2..

Masya-Allah, I am so thankful to GOD of my present life. Masya-Allah! Its rainin now! At night! ALHAMDULLILAH!

29th August 2005, Monday Evenin

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good evenin!
Just watched jap animae! "Legend of da condor Hero.." I'm like sooo attached to da show! Grrr..I'll be missing tomorrow's episodes. Unless I can reach home b4 10am da following day! grr.. Just like "Samurai X"..Grrr MUST FIND DA VCDS!!! ANYONE KNOES WHERE TO LOOK FER IT?????

Anyways, Its soooo windy da whole afternoon. It'll be beautiful to go picnic or just a walk by da beach!
Couldn't even concentrate on my game. Suddenly things r getting hard. n my head is like aching! Plus i'm feelin sick. Oh yah, by da way, my sis got fever since like last week. Now she's suspected to haf dengue fever! Sigh..Just sent her blood fer testing. I 'm like sooo in a dry spell!

I was feelin so letargic. Feel like falling sick. So, I got up, took a shower n went stright to da recreational field! Hahahaha..Went fer "leisure" run/jog. Took a slow jog one round da field stop n did some streatching. den i decided to run round da estate! HAhahahah.. Psychologically it HELPS!! IT WERKS!! Ran passed da swimming pool, up da polyclinic, passed SAFRA passed da community centre, passed GV n all da way back home! A total of abt 15mins of run. Felt like 2.4 km of slighlty less. Hahahaha.. Dats just da beginin. Planning to run further up! Its better den running rounds. if u ain't mentally prepared u easily give up. I Remember da run at ubin during my OBS. 10 clicks was FUN! hahaha..Da scenery/atmosphere really does make a diff! i pretty much enjoy my run today. Feeling good rite now. Speaking of which, grrrr..I haf not iron my uniform! Take care ya peepz!

29th August 2005, Monday noon

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good afternoon!
Wow! Spliting headache! Didn't sleep fer like 36hrs. Got back from werk yesterday, couldn't sleep. Guess aint use to it. Lazy ard pretty much yesterday. Played my game "ROME-Total War" hehehe..

Evening yesterday was pretty much unexpected. My darlin's evening class was canceled so we decided to meet. Din know where actually. I was havin a throbbing headache by then. Hahaha..always cracky abt goin out late evening. Decided to go to ECP. Missed da sunset of course! Hahaha..

Sat by da water breaker. WoW! The tide was coming in, the wind was sooo strong n cooling. It was perfect. I could almost sleep dare. hahaha.. But of course by den, rodents n roaches n other walks of life were out scavenging fer food! I was worried dat i might get cranky n all. But thank God i wasn't. I'd say we had a great time. Darlin was laughin n all. I guess she deserve it.

Anyways, when i got home, after washing up n all, it took less then a split second n da tv was watchin me! hahahha.. Black out totally! Got up in time fer my fav jap animae! "Legend of the condor hero..." Something like dat! I MUST source out dat VCD n PURCHASE IT!!!! missed quite a few episodes! Tomorrow oso be missin it! :(

Its back to werk now. Kinda groggy rite now. I wonder how my frens are doin. Kinda miss em all. how I wish we could like make an overnite bbq, camping kirekan! With yesterday's setting! Ghost stories! hahahaha..Mesti best! Actually yearning to organise a chalet. But getting da ppl dare is a prob. hmmm..Tu lah..leceh..Masing2 busy dgn hal masing2...

Aight! take care ya all!

28th August 2005

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

THE LONG WAIT

On the 26th of August 2005 may or may not be da last day or my 7 weeks course! It was my test! I haf been talkin abt courses n all. U must be wondering wat it is all abt rite? Its actually a Class 3 driving course at CDC sent by my werk. Yupz! In other words! Its my TP TEST!!

My test was at 4.30pm meaning my warm up is at 3.30pm. But i hafta report at ubi at 12.30pm just to sign attendance! So i thought i could proceed wif my Friday's prayers, it has been awhile. So i though! Boy was i furious when he din't allow! hahaha..

The wait was mentally toturous! I din worry much till da day itself. I did dream abt my test, being anxious n worry but it wasn't my class 3, it was my bike TEST!!! hahahha..Crazy!!
So, as I was saying, I NEVER WANNA WAIT DAT FREAKING LONG AGAIN!!! Hahaha..
The warm up? IT WAS DISASTEROUS!!! I STALLED DA ENGINE SEVERAL TIMES!! The clutch was not only near but da idling was set very LOW!! hahahaha..

Buuuutttttt, Syukur Alhamdullilah, I JUST PASSED MY TEST!! It was aborderline pass but.. I GOT MY QDL CLASS 3!!!! Alhamdullilah!!!

Yeah..yeah..da desire to buy a car is dare! NAh not goin fer those mazdas...Its either Honda or Toyota! Hahaha..Got Good Lobang oso!! Wif full body kit n all..Racing bebeh!
BUTTT!!!!! My heart still yearns fer ma bike! I guess once a RIDER always a RIDER! Oh well.

Sat, i hafta report back to werk. Its suppose to be Tues but..Tak cukup org.. Takpe lah. Had a long holiday. WOW! Heard its been really busy! So many cases! Missed all da actions! Speaking of which, I hafta build up my stamina back sigh.. Hahahaha..

I'm like missing boo like crazy..but I just received a msg from my ex. *Sigh* Its like everything is goin fuzzy. Like a war of emotions turmoilin inside! Was her bday sumdays back! Shhhssss..
If boo reads dis she be like "Bagus lah tu, genapkan 10" hahahha.. :p

Hows me n boo? Fine I guess, I think she obviously LOVES ME! hahaha.. But boo, u gotta learn to filter n COOK! *lol*
by da way, guess wat! SHE INVITED ME TO HER ANNUAL D&D party! NO ONE has ever invited me to such thing. And oso SHE invited me to her frens wedding! Or issit her fren invited? hmm..Cant really remember! Prob is, Her frens dad is a fireman. Sekali gue kenal! MAMPOS! ahahahaha..
PLUS I DUNNOE WA TO WEAR TO DA D&D!!! I dun feel like goin..*Sigh* De next day is like my werking day..grrrrr...
Oh yah, my colleague is oso getting MARRIED NEXT WEEK!!! ALL HAPPENING LIKE NEXT WEEK!!! *Sigh*..And I'm like in a DRY SPELL!! Thanz to da TRIP up n down ubi!!! *SIGh*..

I think i should burry myself n hide till my next ehem..on da 12th! hehehe..Shit! its sumbody's bday! 2 in fact! Shit! hehehehehe...

24th August 2005

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

So..
I FAILED MY IPPT!!! Everything was ok, was either Gold or Silver..Halfway through my 2.4 run, it rained sooo darn heavily!!!
I was frezzing shit! Den suddenly i started to slow down. My mind became weak n sumhow i gave up.. Sigh..Its a shitty feeling knowing dat u can make it but u gave up. I fail my 2.4 run. But at least i completed it. Sigh..

I was neither angry nor cranky at all. I have been loosing my temper lately. I remember scolding boo abt smtg. I know she misses me, but u can't expect to be hogging on da phone all nite! She teared. *sigh* Oh well, at least i know she has a heart! *grins*

I hafta comment, dat night b4 my Ippt, i wasn't really myself. Worried abt sooo many things. Abt werk n all. She said da sweetest thing no one has ever said, "Dun worry too much k, i got it all under control" or sumthing like dat. Implying dat she has werked out some solution abt my worries. And dat she just wants me to focus on finishin my course.. Dat made me smile n felt a sense of security n comfort. I slept like ababy through da night n woke up a new person! ;)

I sort of made peace wif my instructor. Although i tried to pretend things were normal but i sumhow feel as if i haf a grudge against him..Hahahaha..Oh well, we did shook hands. I guess dats wat happens if ur too serious wif ur werk n not take care of wat u say. Wat do u expect! He's an ex policeman! Brutality is in his blood! hahahaha..

22nd August 2005

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

If I were to be in POWER, Today I'd declare a PUBLIC HOLIDAY!
Today is da SHIITIEST DAY! Like I woke up on de wrong side of ma bed! Actully da sofa. Slept outside..
I havin dis loneiness, sad kinda worrysome feeling. Like da time when i was due for NS..Shitty feeling. Wats worst, my instructor almost got FUCKED by me! HE WAS ALREADY HAVIN SOME PROBLEMS AT HOME N ALL!! N ITS LIKE HE'S TAKING IT OUT ON ME!!!FUCKER!!
LUCKILY I"M DA TYPE DAt like to give in..sighhh..
I WAS REALLY BOILING..
but thank God I could control it..Sigh..
Fucked up day I'd say.. Tomorrow's IPPT..n I din make any preparations..Sigh..Wow! Using da F word..hahaha..
Kept quiet da whole day. Guess everythings bottled up.

This mth macam2 dugaan. Financially, mentally, spiritually..SIgh..So many unforseen circumstances occured. Oh dear God..

Even yesterday my outin wif ehem wasn't really an enjoyable one. I wasn't present mentally n spiritually i guess. Its like I somewhere else. Even today. I maybe physically present but its like my thoughts n vision is clouded..unable to focus..Ayoo..Sighh..

I'm gonna try to seen if playing game helps..But i doubt so..sigh..

21st August 2005

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

A very GOOD SUNDAY MORNIN TO ALL!!
I know, I know..U must be thinking wat da hell am I doin so early up in da mornin! Dats coz, i get a call from my STN HP! In my deep sleep, tgh mimpi nie..leh bual, "tu bukan bunyi alarm, tapi familiar to HP tone.." APe lagi tersentak lah bangun! Rushed to to da phone! geuss wats da first line I heard, "u r activated for physical reacall.." (computer generated voice). Tak kah terperanjat! I got an appointment at 1020hrs n i hafta report back in 15mins! Even if I take cab it'll take too long! Even if my bike is out, its still insufficient time! Tu RACING GILER!!!
Luckily, my fren immediately called me to tellme dat HQ canceled da recall! Gosh..By den da keluar mandi dah! Mandi SUPER COWBOY! heheheh..

Now i'm like starrin at da quote above..I realise how it actually is reflecting on my life..blog abt it some other time..Still reflecting! addious!

20th August 2005

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good evening!

Thanks u all fer asking abt my mom. She's walking as if nothing's happen. Thogh i know she's still in pain. Had a scary dream last night. I used to werk in de airport at da departure belt. Whereby passengers aftercheck in their bags will go down "us" whereby we will scan den put in da container. So i was werking, den da supervisor came n said I hafta do da special belt. So i just went, n da wierdest thing is dat its covered! by like a curtain! So i slumber went in n scan all de bags. Da scanner denied da bags. So i just put em one side n scan da rest. Den came da superviser n said, dese are VIPs n dey r all ready. SO i rescan again n it was good to go. I load em up da container.. As i look at da bags, dare was a connection. It belongs to someone i know. The whole lot of em! ANd the destination or journey was a rather long one. Like to pilgramage perhaps? Or somehthing even worst? Sighh.. I woke up..Den..Only to haf found out later my mum had rather disturbing n worrisome dream as well. And my cats were all acting wierd. Like da sombong cat sleeps wif my mom n all. Plus I think yesterday was my late grandad 3yrs anniversary! I dun wanna wonder so far but..If ur in my shoes, u'll understand!

Sepaking of cats, yeah. All da pets in dis house even da fishes! Has sum form of attachment. Something goes wrong or someone gets sick or somehting bad abt to happen da "residents" will "act-up"! Kinda kewl. N SOoo sweet! I remember once a long time ago when i lost my temper n scolded my sis. Da Eldest cat came n stop me coz i was hitting my sister..oppss...hehehe..

Kids dese days, soo stubborn..Not like de olden days where fear was instill. Dun worry i aint da abusive type..Only when my mom cant control den BIG MONSTER COME IN! Usually i slow talk..see da reaction n situation.. n oso da times when i was heartbroken, da cats will sleep wif me, n meow to me..hehehe..as if dey understand. at pt of times i think dey do..Oh well, wat am i babbling..

Anyways, hmmm..I 'm bothered by manusia! hahahaha.. Homosepians! even myself! Alamak! suddenly lost da mood to blog abt it! hahahaha..

Its more of da irrihati ppl n da things dey do fer revenge. Sigh..Kinda lost abt wat to blog. Tgh nasihat my lil cyber sis!

Den its de other issue abt sleep. Seems like da more u sleep da more tired u get! Where's da POWER NAP whenu need it! Da one when u totally blacked out n wake up feeling super charged up!

Ayoo my mom's caughing..better go see..

19th August 2005_Night entry

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Harloo!
My mom's up n walkin! YEEAAAH!! ALHAMDULLILAH!!
But she's still in pain. Thinking to send fer full check up. Waiting fer reply fer nursy bettlebug!

My last entry must haf hurt ehem..dearly..I'm sorry..Well, i did explain! hehehe..
Yupz, i'm like smiling a bit. But..deep down still worry.

My IPPT due soon..dis 23 to be exact! Tomorrow hafta WACK MYSELF UPSIDE DOWN!
Dats all fer now. I'm like so tired..

May God be wif us all. God BLESS!!

19th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good morning!
Sigh...Yupz feeling gloomy. Woke up to an intimate dream wif my ex.. Had to fight my way to wake up! Sigh.. Must be da result of uploading pics to frenster i suppose. Stumbled on some files abt my past. Opened it n *BANG* emotions set astirred. I've always believe in an honest relationship, which is why i msg boo just now. But is best dat i blog it down. If she wishes never to know, den i hope she be upfront wif me. Den i just keep it a secret.. Abt wat ever dat might hurt her i mean..

Actually da most worrysome thing right now is my MOM! Sigh.. She's ill. Something abt her stomach. Last nite, she bled instead of her normal bowel. Took her to de doc.. He said it was "wind" but..sigh..It aint convincing enough! She's still lying down. I'm like soo worried.. My intuition is telling smtg but i just dun wanna listen! I hate it when my intuition is RIGHT!!!
I'm so scared n so worried.

I dun feel like meeting anyone.. Not even Boo! At dis pt of time, i cant stop thinking abt my ex. Perhaps she was once a part of my family. I dun think so i'll be goin to lil Sue's performance! So sorry sis.. I'm like feeling messed up now..

Boo's been very patience wif me..Even at times i haf trouble expressing myself..Thanz..

18th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very good morning!
Its a very cool morning.. I heard 2 of my colleagues r goin fer da overseas mission o Sumatra. Sigh, I lost my oppurtunity. Wats worst, now my rota short of 2 ppl, i may hafta come back fer werk. Sigh..Just hafta keep my fingers crossed! Hopefully everything will go smoothly.

I realise dese days my mind in more into buisness. I hate all dis buisness stuff by recently it seems to haf caught my attention. Yesterday was an exposure to franchising buisness. (aint sure if dats wat u call it). With my interest in computers and biomedical engineering and working experience in F&B and civl service, wat will u get? hahahahaha.. All dese ingredients u mix, I wonder wat recipe u'll get. Hahahaha.. Which reminds me, my dad once talked to me abt Petrol kios! Which is also a franchising buisness! N my mom once talked abt kedai makan! hmmm...

Recently I saw Universities advertising courses in da newspapers. Boy am i tempted! Sigh! Its dis bloody bike of mine that is causing a financial friction! Wat a Fuckin bad investment! 2 YRS of no riding n i am still PAYING IT!!! Fucked up lawyer whom i think is too lazy to persue in anythin! Whic reminds me, i hafta to to the NPC to dig up some info! Luckily fer me, my instructor was an ex police officer. He was in investigation department. Hahaha.. He gave me sum tips..hahaha.. ME? Private investigator? jeng..jeng..jeng..!!!

At times i really feel like selling my bike! Firsly it has memories of da past! Secondly i'm just too angry of paying fer nothing! And dat STUPID BIKE SHOP OWNER!!! I RECOMMEND U NOT TO GO TO THAT SHOP!!! LIAR2 PANTS ON FIRE!!! Or maybe SHOP ON FIRE!!!

But if i think of it, i already spend so much money on da stupid bike. And i'm almost done wif da installments! In other words IT WILL BE MINE SOON!!! Sigh..God gimmie a sign...

Wif dat out of da way, den i can finally go back to school! Part time of course! Then it'll be da issue of diploma over A level. Den it will be da issue of courses..Bla bla bla..last of my worries!

SHOOT! I haven had my breakfast! I RUNNIN LATE FER WERK! SLAMATZ!!!

"Kecik" Gave birth to 4 adorable kittens on the 5th of August 2005. 

Look how small it is! Like a hamster! 

10 days old 

10 days old 

10 days old 

10 days old 

A tribute, to my cyber sis!

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Ok! so dis is like an emergency announcement! I got 2 cyber lil sis! One is lil dragon n de other lil aina! So sis aina, dis entry is fer u, so plssss dun be engry n like assume dat i'm ignoring u! I couldnt access frenster! n i'm like sooo busy! if it was really urgent, u could haf like EMAILED ME! ;) hehehe..
A lil something fer u..

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

16th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good evening!
okok..today a liltle bit excited to blog! Something EMBARRESSING HAPPENED!!! Dare was dis voluptios gerl at da kios, i was behind her..I told her dat she haven log off..So i logged off n continue wif watever i wanna do..So half a min later she tapped me n said she wanted to go to da toilet, n i was astonised! She said i told her to wait fer her, i smiled while on da phone trying to call boo, n said no, i said u forgot to log off! hahahahaha...AYOOOOO so EMBARESSING! A LOT OF PPL WAS DARE!!!
Of course boo was jelous! Hahahah..LOve making her jelous! hahahaha.. So many chix today! WOW!!! hahahaha.. Yang ferring n tak ferring.. Macam2 arr. Dese days gerls r so fierce n daring! hahahaha.. Kate org tu kan, kalo single/heartbroken, satu minah pun tak nampak! tapi kalo da attached! MACAM2!! DUGAAN!! Nasib baik i setia orangnye! Ape nak buat! Nasib BADAN!!! hahahaha.. Boo kalo bace, tgh marah kan? hehehehe.. (MAMPOS)
Okok..fine, i know menyampah kan yg lain bace? hahaha..i received a CALL from HQ, telling me to go fer OVERSEAS MISSION TOMORROW!! WOW!! FUUUYYOOOOO!!!!
BUTTTTT I'm on COURSE!!! N I SIGNED N AGREEMENT STATING DAT IF I WIFDRAW HAFWaY or FAIL i HAFTA PAY $3k!!! DA FULL SUM!! SIGH!!! AYOOO..by da way its to sumatra! hehehehe.. kewl huh? Bi;er berangkat? BESOK!! da macam James bond! hahaha.. ayooo..Better luck next time lah.. hmmm...
Aights! dats all folks..enough excitement fer one day! TIme to CONQUER DA WORLD!!! Game of course! ROME - TOTAL WAR!!!

14th August 2005_night entry

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good evening!
How i spent my day? ALONE!!! "Last MIn"!! Hahahaha.. (siape makan chili rasa pedas!)
I decided to "Last min" go cycling! I thought since its been soooooo long sice i ride a bike/cycle so i though why not. Hafta pick up da skills back! ;)
I dun haf a bicycle, actually i did! back in '97 until it was stolen :( Da bicycle belongs to my uncle..tak terpakai very da dusty! hahaha.. So i took it to da bicycle shop to inflate da tyres n adjust da gears..
Brought the bicycle home n WASH da BICYCLE!!! hahahaha.. rindu cuci moto kan! hahaha..LOOKS BRAND NEW MAN! Now itching to buy a bicycle! hahahaha.. Saw some beautiful GT moutain bikes!

So i went cycling ard yishun, to selatar dam..miss da place! Lots of memories..Happy, sad, ..angry, depress! hahahaha..Didn't go far though coz it was scorching hot! but at da dam it was very very windy. kinda brings back memories when me n boo sat at east coast! kinda miss it..Felt as if i could talk abt anything. Intended to go there actually! tapikan.."LAst MiN"
Stop by da fish shop spent $20 on fish FOOD!!! Bought coi food fer $7, ketapang leaves fer $3, super worms fer $5 n frozen centipede fer $5! Ayooo...
Haven been taking care of da water in da tanks n ponds. When i took a look at it just now! OOOO MY GOD!! Sheesshhh! My parents keeps like feeding dem unecessarily! sigh..My RTG arowana has an eye infection, its due to bacteria build up! hmmm...Lom ade mood to change da waters. Thinking of shifting da fishes as well. hmmm...

After magrib i went cycling again! hahahaha..temperature's right! hahaha..Went to da ends of yishun n down to da dam..n back to da centre of yishun n home! hahahaha..Confusing kan! hahaha..Witness an accident..i was abt to cross at da junction, first 2 left turning car stopped da third BANG!!! Felt guilty..hahahaha..

Did i mentioned, i kept EATING da WHOLE DAY!!! Ayoooo!!! MACAM MENGIDAM GITUK KAN! sigh...Hafta fast, i FEEL FAT!!!

Maner si ketot nie..Its like 2310 n still not back..sshhsshh..Sighhh... hmmm...
Dats all fer tonites entry. perhaps see ya next weekend!
Adios Amigos!

14th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Greetings!
Wow! Been so long, it seems i've forgotten how to even start! Life's been in da expressway. Things moving in da fast lane. Each day seems to be 'wasted' despite me bein on course. Just dat i feel i can do more significant things! But, hmmm... Fasting month is just ard da corner. I dun know how to face it. Seems dat its worying me. Perhaps da working part.
I gave some though abt education..u knoe... a or dip. Seems i'm more in favour of dip to a! But we'll see how. As fer now, its to settle sum unfinished buisness wif my bike! Yeah, been 2 yrs since da accident. At times it still haunts me. *lol* It was a near death experience! I was more worried of my pillion den of my life at dat pt of time. Den again i often put her b4 me n my family which was something wrong. Learnt it da hard way.

Had a nice conversation wif boo last nite despite all da irritating comments i made. She finnaly admit to being jelous at times! HAHAHAHA..SOO SWEET!! Silly of my to think "happy-go-luckly" dun get jelous! Everyone has a past. Mine is 6yrs. She got a lil insight of it n was shocked i think. Told her to "tender" if u will. Hahaha..Wonder how long more will it take to heal da wounds.
But Thank God dat, da barrier is still cracking. Though i'm still afraid to fall in deeper as dare might be no way out! Wat if i get disappointed? wat if? ......

Today i'm free! AS IN NOTHING TO DO!!!! She's out wif her frens. And i'm thinkin of either go cycling or movie. hmmm...entah lah. Its nearly noon n my engine still not running! Sooo lazy! ayooo...
Till den, MAY GOD BE WIF US ALL! GOD BLESS!!

12th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good morning!
Just got home! After course went to meet boo n mas go watch "Charlie n da Choc Factory". Sorry geng! Tunggu nye tunggu cam buah tak jatuh! hahaha..do i decided to catch em! Cant wait to catch bewitched too! hehehe..
There's nothing much to blog coz everything is in my head spining..Hahahaha..Dun even know abt wat! Seems every issue is being blended like an ice-cream! hahaha..
aights! nitez!

11th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very good MORNING! Its 0011 hrs.. Been sometime huh? Let me see, where shall i begin...

Firstly HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!!
I had to werk on national day, office hours coz i'm on course! YUPZZ all da way till month end! FOR da 1st time ever, I WENT TO SEE FIRE WORKS!!! WITH BOO of course (pestering me!) at marina south. Wow! da fire works were beautiful. I think sitting down in da open field wif all da couples n families n foreigners created a kinda of beautiful atmosphere. hahaha.. I miss sitting down just to star gaze. I wonder wat happen to all da stars in singapore.

On da 5th of August 2005, my youngest cat, "kecik" GAVE BIRTH TO 4 BEAUTIFUL KITTENS!!! Beautiful coat dey haf! So tiny so adorable! Da size of my palm, just like a hamster! hahahaha..Now I got 7 cats! Ayoooo...

Last Sunday, I decided to bring boo over to meet da parents! hahaha.. My dad been like asking me..Heard he was pretty excited n all. HaHaHa..Funny lah..I remember boo was like so SCARED!!! SOOO NERVOUS!!! I couldn't really be bothered coz i was like SOOOOO sleepy! (baru balik keje) I think i fell asleep a couple of times. Then i accompanied boo to SGH. She went to see her grandad. She was shocked dat i came all da way only to accompany her. She tot i was goin to see her grandad! HAHAHA.. Saw Norliana dare! hahaha.. Shocked! hahaha..
I stop by da musuem to take a look at da history. WOW! Da stuff dare was soo fascinating. Yet creepy. Da building looks brand new but i cant help feeling...Lets not go there. Dats btw HIM n me! ;)

I cant recall much right now, except dat i just came back from dinner wif boo n mas.. Too bad her catalyst any strong enough to over come my holy mood swing! hahahaha..

How's me n boo doin? Hahahaha.. Entah lah!
She made her first crack on da barrier when she came to meet my parents! barrier? hahaha.. Yupz dares a force field or shall i say a barrier btw me n boo. Communication, connection etc..etc.. I think today she made another crack at the barrier. i hafta admit, we do haf some communication probs at times. Not only dat, we too haf problems respecting n accomodating to each other's EQ..hahaha.. (sounds funny)

I'm not in a rush, had 6yrs of relationship. Taking my own sweet time wif dis one. EXTREMELY SLOW! hahaha! OIT BOO! dat does not mean u CAN TAKE UR OWN SWEET TIME TO LEARN TO COOK!!! PECAH MAN! hahahaha..

These days i've been dreamin abt my ex.. Sigh..Its like getting dose mthly newsletter! I think she's doin well, somthg abt her job. hmmm..
Even wierd, had both boo n her in da same dream but dey din see each other! hahahaha.. WIERD!

I guess, if i dun start to throw away my past, i'll never move on! Thing is, DARES SOOO MUCH STUFF HERE! SOOO LAZY TO START CLEARING! hahahahaha...

Entahlah...Sometimes i'm here, sometimes i'm not. Plus I still haf not decide abt my studies. Hmmmm..Let me finish my course successfully first lah.. INSYA ALLAH

To my frens, wat ever happen to da CHOC FAC MOVIE? hahaha.. Seems every1 busy wif all their own stuff. Some heartbroken n all...

I pray GOD is be wif us all. GOD BLESS!

4th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very Good Evening..
Been pretty occupied with work. I've been pretty much lost dese few days..

"Hati tak tenteram kebelakangan hari, rasa gelisa dan kekosongan seolah-olah meridui sesuatu.

Ada kala hati ini rasa sangat sayu dan sedih. Tidurku pula rasanye seperti permainan. Semakin ku tidur semakin ku rasa penat dan tidak puas. Tidurku tidak seperti tidur. Ape kah yang kurang?

Apabilah ku bersama buah hati ku, adakala aku seperti tidak hadir. Aku rasa seolah-olah diri ku merantau tidak tentu arah..Kesana-kemari. Ape yang ku cari kan?

Setiap kelakuan atau perbuatan, aku lakukan dgn waswas. Kuatir menyinggung, kuatir melakukan dosa.

Kelakuan-kelakun demikian membuat ku terharu, membuat ku terenung..Hingga ku berdoa kpd NYA..

MASYA-ALLAH!

Rupa-rupanye, DIA mengetuk pintu hatiku..Memberi peringatan bahawasanya aku telah LALAI. YA ALLAH YA AMPUN!

DIA telah memberi peringatan, lagi 2 bulan akan tiba bulan mulia! DIA memberi peringatan supaya bersiap sedia.

Sekarang ku mengerti mengapa ku rasa demikian.

Apabila ku mendengar Azan, apabila ku Takbiratul Ihram..hati ku menjadi sayu, air mata ku hampir mengalir..

Suda tiba masa membuat persiapan..Suda hampir masa untuk menjauhkan diri dan mendekati dgn NYA.

Ya Allah, ku bersukur atas peringatan dan pertujukan mu..."

Dare a times when wierd things happens den suddenly u haf to disappear. To leave behind all dose ard u to proceed wif ur journey... In search of enlightenment.. In seach of ur self..

2nd August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very good morning to all!
A warm welcome to August..welcome!
I woke up to a beautiful sunny morning. But as i get out of bed, da nak RIBUT! Its dark n windy now. Stylo! hahaha..

Let me see, on Sun I had half day, went to meet Boo, teman her buy her lil cousins' presents, got a racing car, a mickey mouse baby set (baju n stuff). I was sooo exhausted, dat remained silent through out. Even my eyes were red! hahaha.. N my bagpack, (apparently very light dat day) felt as if it was 20+ kg!! As per usual, send her all da way to her door step. I was greeted by her mom n great granny. *lol* I had no strength to even smile! Boo gave me some stuff she bought from JB de other day. *lol* Soo sweet, she bought me cd (lagu rawk GIWANGS!! POWER!!), keropok n kuih baulu! Why baulu? *lol* *wierd*. I got home den black out! Could hardly wake up da next day n was late fer sum meeting! Ayooo..hahaha..

After da fairly short meeting or shall i say briefing, i decided to surprise boo, felt kinda bad yesterday. So I decided to buy breakfast n drag her out of bed. *lol* She was shocked that I was on da way. Of course her Great granny was home. After breakfast, we went to tampines. Din't know where to go actually.

We had our first argument. (i say first coz i felt anger) Thank God I din't give up n I manage to contain my anger. Had a pep talk wif her. By then I had to be extra careful as not to hurt both our feelings further. Filtered my tone n thoughts b4 it turns to speech like TWICE! Then she did the most amazing thing! She REPLIED! She admit wat she did, n she explained her self! THANK GOD dare was COMMUNICATION! its a first time dis happens to me. In fact it was really touching.

Went to da movies while waiting fer mas! Watched STEALTH..POWER! Not bad..Dunno if boo was cut out fer all dis sci fic stuff..Finally met mas at banquet simei..Boo was all stressed up. I took it lighly, when i asked she said she was hungry..hmmm...

Den Mas arrived, everything was KECOH!! I guess she a catalyst fer us. Makin things go spontaneous, and........revealing secrets!! Boo broke down and started to blabber all her probs! Ayooo..y did u tell me.. Guess its tougher bein de only child then it seems.

Now i'm pretty much lost. I dun know wat to blog..I remember she FiNalLy say da 3 words but i just cant respond! I can barely hold her hands dese days. Its like guilt all filling up! Where is my heart? Has it not been return to me? *lost*

"Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need,
the time you need to have the time of your life."
-Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

Good evening!
I was very worried abt coming to work yesterday! but thank God everything went well. Da morning baris n CA drill was super ON! We like put on our extra best coz it AUDIT fer our stn! We were commended dat we still live to our standards! BEIN DA BEST! hahaha..
My colleague almost fainted, one of my men also almost blacked out. At nite, another one of my man caught fever! Eish!!! It was scorching hot yesterday! All da way till noon! Even after we were bare-bodied (during lunch in da comfort of our dorm) heat can be seen radiating from our bodies!
Fortunately fer me i managed to take some suppiments b4 da start of da drills. Else i think i too won't last dat long. i was rather perky n hyper active da whole day! Perhaps coz da old timers were too busy wif Audit n me n my colleague were like da seniors ard! hehehehe..
I was called upon fer sum interviews..Asking abt directives n all..hahaha..Alhamdullilah its like at da tip of my fingers!

The reason at times i dun feel like goin to work, coz of the mulut of certain ppl. I heard rumours dat sum maybe transfered out. and de other got WACKED UP SIDE DOWN LEFT RIGHT CENTRE by audit..Kuasa Tuhan..Masya-Allah..

At night, one of my collegue (apparently my driver fer da duty) was having a mussle cram/sore near his lungs (internal). I had dis a couple of time b4. It aint sumthing u wanna endure..hehehe..Everytime u take a breath, or move it HURTS LIKE HELL!!! he was pretty much sitting down n suddenly he'll screamin in agony! I felt obligated n sumwat pity fer him. Being him a big strong guy, suddenly dis small pain God gave..seein him in agony..Masya-Allah..So i took my medicated oil n told him to lie down..Yar! Urut!! Sumthing i haven been practicing! I cant take away da pain but i can help easy it away..Masya-Allah, HE moved my hands n till I know it, it has been an hour plus..Din realise i was perspiring..Thank God! dis time round i din even feel da crams or tiredness (my fingers dat is). But now a bit kembong..too much wind i suppose. i told he, he should go see a pakar tukang urut. his body is a mess, too much angin! Never b4 in his life he urut..Told him lots of stuff, glad he listened..

Den dis morning got a surprising msg! MY BOO WAS ON DA WAY TO FETCH ME FROM WERK!!! Ayoooo!!! *paisey* She was like standing rite de opposite of my stn! I think one of my boys mush haf disturb her (beri salam) hahahaha..Perhaps..We went fer breakfast at LJS..den went to bugis..I could barely open my eyes..She intro me to her colleagues..ayooo..*paisey* I think she must haf miss me very much..haha..haven been spending time wif her..at times even when we meet, my mind is not actually dare..Insya-Allah dis sun eve or mon afternnon we'll spend quality time..since ur on leave n me on half day..She's in JB now wif her colleagues since afternoon..Hmmm..Lom balik2 lagi..kinda worried..She's growing on me..Kinda missin her..Can really see her efforts to change fer da better.. i haf never seen sum1 try dat very best..Ayooo..by da way, it was a first she PIAT MY EARSS!!! ayooo! It was a slip of da tongue! Termaki..hehehhee..Quite a long one! hhehehehehe..

I'm still in delima, torn between A levels or diploma..Shall renungkan pekara ini..Moga2 Allah memberikan pertunjukan yg terbaik, Insya-Allah..

Salam Sejatera Semua, moga Allah bersama kiter semua Insya-Allah.

27th July 2005...night entry

"Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need,
the time you need to have the time of your life."
-Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

A very Good Evening,
Just got off watching "Pontianak Menjerit". A pretty STUPID show! but alrights lah, for the laughter! Watched wif my mom n sister. Been awhile since i do something wif them. Family bonding's da word! At times I may be physically present a home, but actually I'm else where..my own space.
After today, I may or may not have time to blog or reply messages. Yes, tomorrow I'll be starting work. I dun know what lies ahead of me. Which is why i suppose i was doing NOTHING da whole day. Actually i was! I was feeling/appriciating time. Letting it pass through me. Feeling every sec pass. Took my time to clean my tanks n mini pond. Took my time to walk to the aquarium shop. Took my time to sit down n do nothing. Y am i doin so? Something's telling me i may or may not haf da opportunity to feel it sumtime soon. hahaha..

Time...Something most ppl neglect. U only feel it when ur pace of life suddenly slows down or ur late fer sumthing or feeling impatient abt sumthin. "Kita mengejar masa, tetapi sebenarnya masa mengejar kita!". Tick tock, tick, tock.. Time knows no boundaries, time knows know one. Once it has past it'll never come back again! Even in the holy Quran, its sated how precious time is. We're no longer young. In the olden days, ppl at our age haf already started their families. Times haf change, here we are still persuing our dreams and fer sum abt to enter their working life. Sooner or later, when our children reach the age of 18, we'll be like 55! hahaha...

Masa! Dengan sekelip mata kau menghilang..

Dedik demi detik kau memergi..

Meniggal kan aku tanpa aku sedari..

Semakin hari semakin tua..

Semakin hari semakin lemah..

Masa! Sungguh kuat Iman kau..

Tidak ade belas kasihan, tidak peduli sesiapa..

Terus-terusan menunaikan perintah Allah..

Belom puas aku menikmati dunia ini..

Belom puas aku merantau dunia ini..

Belom cukup bekalan ku..

Belom sedia aku..menemui ajal maut..

Dengan nama Allah,

Tanpa masa, tanpa Hidup,

Tanpa Hidup, tanpa dosa,

Tanpa dosa, tanpa hari pembalasan...

27th July 2005

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get,
it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
-Anon.

A beautiful morning it is! Bright sunny yet cooling. I couldn't sleep as well as i though. It is as if my soul is not at peace. Well, I hafta admit, I haven't been..u know, with HIM...
Yesterday, I dropped by station to settle some work stuff. I decided to fufill my evening prayers as well. Its been so long since i felt da serenity. It wasn't intense but..now i know wats been missing. Da musollah was sited in one of the unused room. So dare was no one ard, basically its only me n HIM. Its hard dese days to find such situation. Last i recall, when I was working at the airport. Always waited till after midnight when everyone's asleep. Den i'll creep into da musollah..
I miss da times i spent wif HIM alone.. I find it hard to do it at home. At werk if during my duty, dares bound to be ppl sleepin in da room. Where can i turn to when i wanna find peace?
I recall the time when i visited Central Java...I would say it was a mystical/spiritual trip. Circumstances leading me dare was way too wierd! hahahaha..I still find it unbelievable..
I miss my time dare. The pace of life was pretty much slow n steady. Dare's more den enough time to find peace n to make peace with urself. I recall one morning, while i was sleeping outside, "Abah" was reciting some verses..Out of da deep sleep (was actually sleeping very far from da house) my eyes opened up and almost teared. The serinity of his voice and the versus he recited.. Masya-Allah..
"Mujizat Rusul kiter dan Al Quran, dapat menghidupkan hati yg telah mati.."
Masya-Allah.. I'm like a lost soul, neither here nor there...
In search of myself..In search of HIM..In search of Eternal Peace..
May HE be with us all..

26th July 2005

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get,
it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
-Anon.

A very cool morning to all!
You can say i'm off today. But still, guilt fill dis vulnerable heart of mine. It's been awhile since I've been to work. Heard that things are goin crazy there. Sigh..I can't run anymore, its back to work 2 days from now. Since I passed my tests, the full commencement will resume on the 8th of next month.
My hearth fill with worries..The thought of goin back to work, sigh..The ppl dare, is making me NOT wana come back to work. Only 1 or 2 that will put a smile when i see dem..
Its been only abt 6mths since my posting. I've lost the firery feeling to go to work. No longer enthusiated to be there. Thoughts of leaving is slowly creeping in..What has become of me? Totally demoralized. Still 4 yrs plus to go..Still so many things to learn.
I suppose its da ppl n management n da fact that i feel i haf NO FREEDOM..sigh..Its soo tight..
I feel as if i'm suffocating. i not sure if i'm cut out to be in this rank n file system..
As fer now, there are still a few ppl that puts a smile on my face at work.
I shall use dis oppurtunity to futher my studies. After that then i'll decide if i want to stay or not.

AS fer my love life..well, 1 step at a time. Yes, I'm still traumatized n wounded by my past. But I'm so fortunated that God gave me sum1 new. She's been patience wif me although at times i tend to be looking back at my past. Selfish at times i feel. At times I feel as if I'm betraying her. To be living in the present yet my soul is in the past. Sumtimes I wonder where my heart lies. Its neither here nor there. At times, I can't feel anyhting, I can't feel the Love at all. I guess this is wat my ex went through wif me. Inability to feel love for that sum1. But Thank God, on n off the feeling will come back. And when dat loving feeling comes back, I record it in my mind. Just in case if i loose it again. Yesterday was a blessing, I miss my boo..hahaha..Aint the first time, but a rare one! We had quite a long talk yesterday. I've been talking to her roughly..Perhaps its because i can't feel da love. up to a point when i confessed. I was acting the way because i needed to see for myself if she has any feelings for me. She rarely voice out her feelings. Of coz she shows but i can't differentiate whether its genuine or she's naturally like dat! She very playful, loves all her girlfrens and sumtimes act lesbionic! Perhaps being de only child has deprived her of siblingly love. hehehe.. Where was I , She kept mum when I told her why I was acting so, then she gave a disappointing remark! Bein da happy go lucky person, who knoes no sadness! I cant remember wat she said but its da tone n expression of her voice dat was a turn off. Her best fren did mention to me abt her being "care-free" but before she could continue, boo was already back at the table. I guess her best fren was trying to tell/advice me sumthing but i interuppted her then boo came. Sumhow i guess i dun wanna know wat she wanna say but then again..By the way after the disappointing remark, boo tried to make it up then she started to explain herself, she quoted things that happened while we're together. Trying so hard to explain this n dat...Well i know ur like sooo a "virgin" in terms of relationship..Like dating a sec 1 girl! hehehe..There are pros n cons. Truth is, its was a TORTURE while trying to concentrate n fighting SLEEP! *lol* Soooooo soorryyy BOO!! haha..Masya-Allah, da sleepiness was soo overwhelming! but al least i managed to recall sum points. By da way, ade ke she labeled my laughter as "MIYANG".. ayooo..my artifical n original laughter/giggle she cant even differentiate! And one more thing, she said when I was wif her best fren, we were SOOO MIYANG!! wats wif dat? hehehe..jelous eh? i was just laughin along! Gosh! hahaha..

My body is aching all over...Miss working out! Hahaha..Wasn't a satisfying workout yesterday but its better then nothing. I Thank God, for giving me my undisturbed rest days! Since the beginin of this mth, hardly tasted my rest days. Its almost month end, n i finally had time to self-reflect. To haf time to myself. To think things through. To spend my time wif my mom n family...

I end today's morning entry with a quote:
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
-Helen Keller

fURthEriN mY sTuDiEs...

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

Yesterday or rather dis early morning, chat wif Sis shazzle..Figured she was da best person to consult in terms of education.
She knock sum sense into me! hehehe.. reality knocks! Its kinda true wat she said, getting backinto da system after sooo long, sonfirm its gonna be HARD fer me!
Thing is, there are 2 places that i'd say provides a credible cert. SIM n STANSFIELD COLLEGE.
da course dat i want, is offered by both, both certified by UOL..

I was thinkin of taking private A level..I just need 2 A level passes!!! To get a degree!
Pros: Its a shorter route!
Cons: If i fail, dats it..wasted my time n effort..Plus i like sooo out of tune!!! Plus dares no scool!

Takin part time diploma,
Pros: Follow da system Insya-Allah can grad!
Cons: time consuming n costs..

Then theres issue abt which institution..

SIM
Pros: Reputable..
Cons: slightly costly, NO PART TIME DIPLOMA (relavant)

STANSFIELD COLLEGE
Pros: Haf part time diploma.
Cons: its part time diploma is in econimics! sumthing far DIFF...

The thing is, i dont know if i would rather get my A'level n persue my degree of da preferred course..Or should i get my Diploma (only one choice, stansfield...dip in economics..)..

I need 2 A..C maths de other? ayooo..Very weak in language!

Thats pretty much da probs or delima..Very messy huh..

25th July 2005...night entry

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

Good evening peepz!
You can say i just got back..Went to Yishun stadium's gym wif ma bro IM!! Was our first time dare. I always use da one at werk..Its pretty spacious. Ait soo stuffy except dat dare were too many ppl..peak hour i guess..
I was pretty shy at first..hehe..started off with cycling..Was aiming da bench press..After like cycling fer quite sum time (followed da prog), i decided wat da heck! malu rugi! went to dis pakcik whos doin bench press n ask if i could join! hahaha..TAK LEH ANGKAT SiAAKK..DAT OLD TIMER WAS LIKE..i couldn't even SOAP MYSELF JUST NOW! ANSWERIN DA PHONE I NEEDED EXTRA EFFORT N CONTROLLED BREATHING!!! MAK AI!!! *lol* really worth it! Cant feel my arms right now..hehehe..where is it anyway..oh here it is typing..hehehe..
We walked to n fro da stadium..in da drizzle..We chat quite a lot..Guess i was pretty chirpy today..although sleepy..We sat in btw da interchange n northpoint to munch n chat..Laugh n destressed ourselves..
I'm actually quite worried. got so many time off, nanti jadi bahan cakap n ...sigh..sum of dem r like sooo MATA MERAH!!! sigh...dis da only set back n its making me wanna..EISH!!! wat am i thinking!!!!!!!haaiizzz "KUN FAYA KUN" segala kejadian tak akan berlaku tanpa izin DIA...

25th July 2005

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

I PASSSEED mY TEST!!! Alhamdullilah!!!
Yesterday after visiting my Encik, meet up wif boo at Darul Ghufran..Had magrib dare den went to dinner..To afgan! Called Mas met up wif her..Had a crazy time..SHe pretty much has a broadband frequency..Can link pretty easily..Boo a bit on indon frequency..hehe..not far but still can link! ehehe..too carefree..haaiizzz..hehehe.. JANGAN MARAH!!

Yesss arrr!!! Got a date to GYM!!! LAMER GILER TAK PI SEJAK ON COURSE!!!
Orites per! Boo go to SPA wif MUMMY...got special service or not? hehehe..Go wif ma bro IM!! ur de man! hahaha..kiter pi cuci mata!!! hahaha..Shake dat bottom bebeh!

Oh yeah...Y am i dis crazy? coz tak yah report to werk! i tink da caffeene too high oso..hehehe..Alamak da nak hujan! saper nie tak mandi? hehehe..

Just chat wif Mas..crzy peepz..haha..
Stay tune to some deep thoughts...later..dunnoe when..hehehe..

24th July 2005

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

A very Good afternoon!
Finally finished my report! Decided not to grumble but focus my energy to finishin it! *lol*
I'm actually excited! i made up my mind to further my studies! I just only made up my mind boo! Jgn marah! tell u abt it later..
Found a shorter way to get a degree..At SIM..but hafta put in extra effort! Hafta make lots enquiries..Thats later...
Fer now, hafta get ready to visit my ENCIK. His wife gave birth so my colleagues visitting him. Plus I need to summit my report! hehehe..Tomorrow my test..den hafta go to werk. hmmm..
Aights! Addios Amigos!

Quote of da day!

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

Found this interesting quote... It describes majority of us...Cuba renungkan..

"The trouble with so many of us is that we underestimate the power of simplicity. We have a tendency it seems to over complicate our lives and forget what's important and what's not. We tend to mistake movement for achievement. We tend to focus on activities instead of results. And as the pace of life continues to race along in the outside world, we forget that we have the power to control our lives regardless of what's going on outside."
-Robert Stuberg

23rd July 2005...night entry

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

Greetings to all!

Went to calibrate my body dis morning! Ouch!!! Worth da pain! haha..Was told dat its either i haf been thinking too much or haven had sufficient sleep! I cant deny dat..When I got home, I like dose off! wif my fluffy comforter n da rainy day..GONE!! I was really GONE!!! *lol* Still sleepy though..He really calibrated my wirings! I still have a report to settle ASAP..sigh..Not in da mood actually.

My sister went to NDP preview wif my long lost cousin. Why long lost? Well, his father(my dad's bro) passed away peacefully in his sleep years back.. After which his mom got married..hmmm...Long story.. I miss my arwah uncle. I may be little when he was alive, but memories of him still lingers. =)

23rd July 2005

"I hold it true,what'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
-Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam

A very Good mornin to all!

Finally had sum time to read my love ones' blogs..except fer my bro, cant seem to access da new blog..hmmm..

Went through beetle's entry, right now i cant put into words wat i feel. She was a pedriatic (is dat how u spell it?) nurse during attachment, n she kinda grew attached to all her patients..Some haf passed away, some in btw da realms..I dunnno how put into words how i feel. But my heart tears apart to see dem suffer..but i know dey are FAR LOVED BY GOD which is why dey are taken early. A vacancy in HIS Eternal Kingdon has been engraved for dem..

I'll bet if u look hard enough, dey are actually surrounded by angels...I....i've spoken too much..

Finally I've had my deep sleep..i dremt of dose whom I care abt n da one whom i cared n left..It was wierd..Da first one was a vist from sum1 i cared abt since pri sch..It was an honour to be visited..but was it looking fer? hmmmm...

Gee's entry was rather refreshing. haha..out of da blues..sumthing diff. i mean i dun blog abt it..maybe i should sumthimes..I mean blog abt opinions n facts. Yes Gee, ur becoming a woman..welcome to adulthood! hahaha.. i read sumwhere dat during dis transformation u tend to get mixed emotions (kinda like PMS; no offence) n unpredictable changes...

I wanna thank you fer da chat we had de other day..been awhlie since i am able to share my deep thoughts n feelings. Its not everyday dat one can get such person..Which is y i mostly mix wif MATURE adults! hahaha..wak2..haha..nolah...

Let me see, wat else..i haf a fire report to settle..hmmm...Mon my other test...Mon maybe hafta start werk...

Oh yah, i was thnking, since i'm dare on course, i might as well take up another course in da nite just to kill 2 birds wif 1 stone! amamca? idea kan! hahahaha...Insya-Allah..Insya-Allah..tempted u know..hahaha..

Ok..ok..I'm runnning late fer my MASSAGE! No it aint dose SPECIAL SERVICE!!! Dis one u pay to get hurt..gosh da lamer tak pegi..takut siaakkk...Confirm terpekik!!!!