27th March 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Wanderin ard central s'pore all alone seems kinda aimless, but it helps me destress. It sumhow reflects the emptiness and the loneliness inside me. Things I've yet to understand. Riding dese days aint da same..Now, paying particular attention to road names and my sense of direction. It aint easy but i haf to put in effort. Now dat i'm turnin out alone.

Went to watch Kallang Race dis morn rite after werk wif my cuzz. WOW! Could it be me next?

25th February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

All seems outta place but I'm sure when da dust settles da purpose is revealed! A desire to study has engulfed my heart but da path is too smoky to see. noting is acertain at dis moment as da new breed of specialist is underway. Whether or not it will be established is another question. If it does..How dangerous is it? No insurance can cover it. If da threat so happens, we haf but only one chance of survival. Y? Y do we do dis? The ans is very much simple. Fer our family, fer our loved ones, fer our frenz fer our nation. If we were to go, we go knowing we made a difference. We are but only humans. Forgive us my frenz forgive us God. Remember us always, not as heros, but as frenz who gave our lives so dat u may haf a better one.

24th February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory".

Finally! Graduated from course!
Wow! How time flies.. Now its back to stn life =( A wholes mth of werk is waitin fer me...hmmm..
Nothing much to blog abt today. Probably coz i'm too tired i suppose..
take care..

23rd February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

FINALLY!!
I JUST FINISHED MY FINAL EXERCISE!!! It was super HOT and tiring! We had 3 consecutive incidents to wrap up our course! At the end of it, he told us our results, comprising of our theory, hands on and exercise!

I cant believe it. So young in da force and now i'm a specialist. Alhamdullilah Syukur...My body is aching like hell. Did i mention i just got home? hahaha..at abt 2100hrs!! We waited quite sum time fer our dorm key. dis dimwit returned da key wifout anyone's knowledge! F*&%! lol..

Msg boo i passed but..hmmm..disappointing reply. Perhaps she's too happy out wif her frenz..Wateva..

Tomorrow's my graduation or rather my passin out. Told my mom to sow on da velcrow fer my tag..hehe..Maybe i should go out and celebrate..álthough i'm kinda super exhausted..Syukur Alhamdullilah..

22nd February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Dey say time heals all wounds. but can one really forgive and forget? or perhaps forgive and remember? Even worst..Forget but never forgive!! how r u gonna ans in ur after life? Sum ppl uses anger to overcome dis feelin. Sum uses sorrow to flood it..Sum would even go to the extend of vengence! God forgive us all...

When a person is all forgivin and patience up to the brink, dun be surprise da fact dat u haf lost ur wild cards! no more room fer forgiveness. hehehe..Wow.. Which is y trust is the up most of importance. To receive one's trust is like holdin his/her life in ur hands. Its a living thing! To break it is to kill it. It can be as simple as 'meeting time' or as deep as ur secrets. Another word fer it, 'amanah'. Dis one word tells a million. its weightage in de afterlife is far too great fer one to bear. how many promises haf u broken?

i had quite a hot tiresome day. I'll bet tomorrow'll be worst. Found out a few of my frens fail their theory. Which is y i'm goin to help dem in a min or so. Its also a gd way to recap watever i've learnt. after all, knowledge is POWER!
I'm not sure how i'll fair in my overall performance. Insya-Allah.

Fer those who is lost to wat i'm goin through..Actually i've been selected to be part of the new breed of specialist. in order to be one i'm currenly bein trained to be a HazMat specialist. Wat it means? Harzardous Materials..bla..Bla.Bla..hehehe..Dats all fer now. i dun like to blaber abt my werk life in cyber world. addious!

21st February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Good evening.
I just got home from quite a travel ard singapore! Actually after my coz from Jalan Bahar all da way to CCK den upper srangoon den back to boon keng den to bencoolen makan place den hm! LoL..along da way my fren's bike ran outta fuel, luckly i spotted him..Hehehe..

My morning started off wif a surprise sms from my ex. Asking fer my erm or rather our previous bike's plate no. Apparently sum1 bought it n its sumwhere near her place..
I ask her how she was and when's she's gonna settle down. And guess wat! Sumwhere in 2008! Not de ans i hoped fer..*grins* I told her, "He must be sum1 special to haf opened ur heart to marriage." And she replied "He inspires me".
I wonder in my past did i ever not be da perfect person..I know towrds de end i became some1 super negative. A bitter person i suppose. I wonder how i am now..I mean towards boo. At times i haf been cold towards her. But to tell ya da truth. i think dats only 1%! hehehe..I always get angry especially on da road whenever i manouve in traffic and suddenly she moves or da things she carries causes da bike to move and i hafta take evasive action. Dis kinda things, really scares da shit out of me. Sumtime i feel like askin her to ride and i sit behind. haha..small issue u think? be in my shoe! I'm surprise dat ms ex remembers my/our bike no. We had a near death exp on dat bike. DAT I DUN WANNA RE-LIVE IT AGAIN!!! ( boo...scary u knoe..)And i remember crashing several times out of anger fer her. haha..how stupid back den. how Naive i was.
Memories..memories..Sweet Memories. How it hurts..How it tears you. "We once thought we were made fer each other but in the end we were just stepping stones" dis is wat i msg her.."It would be an honour to attend ur wedding even though i'm not the one sitting beside you" sumwat da final sms. Sooner or later, she'll be terminating her lines n disappear.
I guess dis is the key word or rather the key event i've been waitin 4. The phrase or rather the action dat states dat dare is no more hope, no more room left. Time to move one. Dun get me wrong, i haf moved on, just dat at times...hahaha..hope..hope, false hope. Sumtimes to just wanna make sre its really over..
To heal one's heart you hafta forgive. Especially urself. I've been blaming myslef fer da past yrs dat has gone by. Only God knows. So much so dat now i dun recognize happiness and even love ..dat is right in front of me. My heart has close. God forgive me. only HE knows how much tears my darlin has shed while knocking da doors to my heart.
Everyone's ard me is getting engagged or plan fer marriage. Even my ex. but i'm nowhere dare. i used to but..At times i just feel dat i'll be rather happy bein alone. Sumwat like punishin myself..Kate rg dulu2, bawa diri..I know a few who are like dat. Too heart broken til dey grow old alone. I dun wanna be like dat either.
I dun think so i'm ready fer marriage even boo if i may say so myself. Too much responsibility. i'm da eldest and my responsibilty falls on my parents and siblings coz i'm de only son. boo's de ONLY CHILD! So question is, where do my responsibilties fall? Its too scary to think of. Dats not de only issue. Dare are lots of others. Wat abt my goals or ambitions? Haha..scary..

BOo's planin to go overseas wif her gerlfrens and i'm like...erm..sigh..I'm not saying she cant go, neither i'm sayin she can go..hmmm..just in da middle of nowhere. I dun wanna stress myself any further. So many things coming up. i'm just glad i cleared my exam. just waiting fer da results. While waitin, i gt field ex and final ex coming up da next few days. Den sun back to werk wif HIGHRISE ex!! Sigh...

Boo was sweet yesterday tryin to cheer me up or rather pujuk. hehehe.. I actully zonked da min i lay me head on da bed. She called and started yecking abt overseas and dis and dat...Sum how half asleep i got pissed off! Who wouldn't! Da tought of gals goin overseas to sum 3rd world country bla..bla..bla..especially half asleep, or rather 3/4 asleep..ayooo...

Sumtimes i do miss her..maybe coz of our werkin schedule. it spells out NO TIME! hahaha..I tink most of da time i'm just too afraid to commit. Love is a scary thing..It poisonous..and contageous! SAY NO TO LOVE!!! YES TO SEX!!! Den again wat is SEx witout Love? Den wat abt LoVE withOut SEX??? hahahahahahaha... Dun worry ladies and gentleman, i'm not a horny sex maniac..just a ssleepy guy wif a corny joke..Addios amigoes!!!

19th February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Good evening!
Few hours to my exam and i studied no shit! Sigh..Dunnoe wats become of me. Surfed ard fer courses offered be poly fer part time. SP is still da best offerin "pure dip"ulike TP and NP offerin Dip in Tech den u pick ur specialisation: (chem) (biz IT) or smtg like dat..haha..

All these planning I dunnoe if it can be executed. Life's like a train ride, wif so many stops but always on da move. Not to mention hurdles here and there. I dunnoe if I can make it tomorrow. Sumhow it'll make a diff in my life. Like a cross road, but dis time it makes da decision u haf to only wait.
I tried studyin, since yesterday. but sumhow nothing is registering. De other day was amazing, able to digest in a snap. Perhaps I've used up da "magic" hahaha..Its all in da mind! its all in da mind! Finishin up my cup of coffe den off to study..

Small minds are much distressed by little things. Great minds see them all but are not upset by them

16th February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Ahhh! Greetings!!
I'm on MC today! Been a very long time since i've taken an MC! hehehe..Y? Energy kinda low and tomorow's my prac test!!! Mon's my theory test!! Werk is calling me from stn!!! GRRRR!!
It all spells out STRESS!
Just one more week den i'll pass out! Ayooo...
Din know chemistry could be sooo fun! hehehe..Nope, I'm not back at sch but actually attending a specialist course. Its all back to basics, chem, maths, bio physics..hahaha..Well, more of a pinch of this and that plus lotsa memorising werk! All da equipments and detectors and procedures..Fooyooo..
And not forgetting ENDURANCE!!! Physical and MENTAL! AGGRRRGGHHH!!!! Ayooo..oppss..Back to my studying..shhhsss..

07th February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Evening Alas!
Thy blood still burns in fury despite a tiresome day. A walk which will leave ur mind and body to part. Under the scorching hot sun in ur fully encapsulated suit made of some kind of rubber, u walk carrying a load which seems to get heavier and heavier by the minute. Ur arms weaken ur neck stiffen beyond tolerance ur mind starts to sway around and u keep telling ur body to go straight...Then.. Almost at the end when my air supply was cut off! I tot i ran out of air and panicked! Gasping for air I took out my suit...Mission Failed.
I was grouped as one of the failures. A WEAKLING! my blood boils wif anger. Even worst, i found out later that somehow my air supply was turned off. how could dis be possible? An act of God? but y? Wats in store for me? Wats the meaning of all this? My mind and body remains restless till i get my "retest"..Anger..unsatisfied...

5th February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Hi..
Wow! Its been sooo long. I dun even know where to begin. Life's riding faster then an aeroplane. One minute ur problem solving the next ur trying untie a misundertanding. Be it at werk or in ur social life. But i thank God, that in the mist of my unpredictable vast challenges, HE still rewards me wif fun and friends. True ones I suppose. One tat understands when ur busy one dat lends a listenin ear when ur in need. One dat creates a fun atmosphere just to make u forget ur problems ur conflicts ur pain...
Believe it or not, I've been to more then 3 camping by the sea in such a short time span. Family and friends. Each has a memory of its own. I suppose the most memorable one was at changi beach. Out of the blue we called eached other and decided to pitch up. And dat was late evening! LoL..Sumhow it happen. Although dare were some misunderstandings. I suppose its part and parcel of life. All these misunderstandings. Its a matter of how u wanna look at it. To ignore it and pretend nothing happen? To confront it diplomatically? Its a difficult thing to do i agree but not an impossible task. One haf to swollow one's ego to make the first move. Either dat, or put up thick skin..
I'm sure u would agree wif me, Friction occurs everywhere anywhere and anytime. Its a matter of how we lubricate it.
I just came back from bbq cum camping as a gatherin for ex xishanites. It started of wif a huge load of friction. I dun even know how to begin..I dun even know wat i did wrong. Just da words still lingers in my mind. A "fren" said such harsh words. In the first place i wasn't even talking to her knowing sumhow she was in a bad mood. Of all ppl, i still cant believe it came from her. I din realise my frens changed so fast...even Heard opinions from others ..Well its her life. Sometimes ppl are put through harsh rides dat makes one change, to become cold n bitter, coz dey need to haf a strong heart. Not to weep n give up in harsh times. But of course such changes will haf negative impact. I still feel so sad. AS if i've lost a fren and a long wif it a brother...Wierd..I felt a few negative vibes from several peeps while at the pit. Even from ppl whom i bear a grudge because of my past. How i ended up dare? hahaha..I had no intention of coming to da bbq but..well, i miss my frens..den i accidently saywzamzam! At da traffic light near Still rd. So i tot why not...The first face dat greeted me wif happiness was Gee! She was wif her fiance or is it bf? hehehe..One of the sisters i miss..
The whole gaterin din start off wif a good foot. Plus i made some bad impressions..So i think dis will be da last of its kind for me. I'll do wat i do best, stay busy and disappear..to stay in da outer circle. dat way i'll cause lesser damage! ;) Wats worst, it was boo's first overnight n well, it din turn out quite well..Disappointing..
One thing fer sure, ms bettle n mr tweedle seems to be madly in love! I'm happy fer them. knowing the depths of mr tweedle, i'm sure ms bettle will find comfort n strengths in him. God is all knowing n fair. He gives one a harsh ride in life n at the same time a comfort dats priceless..Love..

Love..something i am searching for. no i'm not yearnin fer my past but da magic of it. i seem to haf lost my defination of Love and romance. I know by bloggin dis i may be hurting a pure soul out dare. I cant lie to myself forever..i cant keep it inside forever as well. Wat is love? Wat is romance? Wat haf i become? I'm too engross in my life's journey dat...If i've forgotten to love why do i yearn fer da magic of it? Now i get it. All dis while i tot i'm yearing fer my past but i'm actually yearnin fer da magic of love!
Honestly speaking, i think i'm afraid to love agin. To take one step again. To feel weak again. To be a slave to love n jelousy. I need to be strong to walk dis journey of mine but at the same time i dun wanna be lonely...
I've been asking myself wat is love...How do i fall in love..how it all work? Love seems to be an easy thing in da past but now..ITS SOOO DIFFICULT!

Work? in short its WORK..WORK..WORK... I'm undergoin a 1 mth course now..1 shift b4 dat i had my Emergency Vehicle course..Sigh...Plus i've just been assigned a new appoinment..Wif 2 appointments in hand plus da new heavy responsibility of the emergency vehicle..and da course i'm undergoin..Its making a drastic change to my life..Its gonna be a bumpy ride..And guess wat? I'm afraid.......hahaha..The great wanderin is afraid..hahaha..sigh...
i haf dis bad habit of not sharing my werk problems wif my family or gf. I dunnoe y..It can easily tick me off when one asks abt my werk life!! So u see, i cant rely on my colleagues, and i haf no one to talk to..so where do i go to? Hopefully dat explains why i'm not always around..trying to solve my problems..at times just bein alone to sooth myself or wif my frens to go crazy n forget abt my stress..At times i just wanna.........Well, dats life.. =)

This is wanderin spiritz a.k.a WS signin off..To all dose who regard me as their fren, May GOD be wif us all in our journey. And GOD BLESS US ALL! Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim.

15th January 2007

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Why cant dey all UNDERSTAND? Why CAnt dey JUST LISTEN? Why cant dey cant TRUST?!!
Do u haf dis 6th sense? at time u just feel heavy hearted to go out? at times u feel dat smtg can be done even though it seems impossible?
i dun wnna go out dat far but...sigh..i've never been dat clumsy n hot tempered. when i was abt to go home from ps..MY SIDE MIRROR GOT STOLEN! Its not abt da cost or da thing abt it but da fact dat it was taken WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!! It boils! recently my cash card too was stolen.
i should haf seen it coming. da signs...yesterday i skidded twice. Alomost #$%^#$^..Lets not bring back da past...
I'm just sooo FURIOUS!!! At werk..den dis..seems like my old temper is comin back...Life's been busy n just when i wanna breath n ...grrrrrrrrrr

30th December 2005

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

The year is almost coming to an end. Its funny how fast time flies. One min ur in love da next its gone. Den it begins all over again, like a cycle dat never fails to end. I look back at the past to see if i've made any accomplishments, to recall dose happy or sad moments only to realise its BLANK!!
Yup i guess dats me. I dun keep milestones or memories very well in my brain. To me, life's all abt living it fer da day and dats it. It does not mean dat i'm impulsive or those kind of 'bo chap' type. I do always plan ahead of things though i can be very lazy at times!
"We never plan to fail in life but often we fail to plan!"

I haf dis "go wif da flow" attitude. Its a simple way of life, when i need to or when the situation requires to den i will move accordingly. I know it aint a gd attitude coz u'll require lots of goals or motivation to actually get things DONE! Else lazinees sets in! :(

I respect those ppl who can actually pick demselves up and actually get things done way beyond deadlines! They say its good plannin/organizing but i say its DISCIPLINE!

Werk is getting to me. Seems dares lots of stuff to do since i got back from my LONG LEAVE! Apart from my normal LAST MIN ASSIGNMENTS! i'm involve in da major exercise dats been in da news! Nope aint gonna tell u wat when or where.. :*
if ur da unlucky commuter den..kwang3..too bad..LOL

I'm feeling lost now..on da phone wif boo n tryin to jot my thoughts..I dun know if its coz of da hang over from da extremely late sleep i had since i knocked off werk or...hmmm...I'm tryin to get over things. I ask myself y i'm worshipping my past when dares nothing to worship all abt. Wats so great abt my past? Waat da F8Ck is wrong wif me? LoL!
I'm known to haf a wierd brain wavelength..I think recently my colleagues saw my crazy bubbly self dats been kept in da dark fer yrs. i think some of em cant stand it! LoL..
oh well, might as well enjoy it, sooner or later i'll change again..becoming all serious again. Trust me..Dis one i can foresee. y is dis a gd thing? it somewat shows dat i'm ready to move on to smtg new..but wat ah? khakhakha..

oh well, boo seems to be bored on the other side of da phone..better go and tok to her..Addios!

It still hurts?

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

*BAM*! Smtg i tot I gotten awy just hit me hard again! Sigh..Guess all dese while its been kept in da dark. "Its time to move on.." Dis is wat i'm tellin myself..Over n Over again..Y do i get butterflies when i saw it? Y does it seems my heart skip a beat or 2..
It hurts seein some1 happier in da hands of another. Wat i fail to accomplish seems to be a walk in da park fer another.

Lookin at da bigger picture, i got my second chance. To make some1 happier. To accomplish smtg i couldn't. But.. It aint da same it just hurts not matter wat. Though i've hurt her inttentionally or not but..

Guess i am sumhow still in da dark ages. But thank God, she is da light..Perhaps da light of my life but i just dun know it yet. Dey say time heals all wounds..Time is healling my wounds, hopefully time will also open up my heart to love again da way i did once upon a time..

I pray dat my past found wat she has been looking fer...May she be happy always..

I pray dat my present, if she is da one, my light, my other half, i pray for her happiness, health and patience. If we are meant to be, may God open up our hearts and bless our love fer all ethernity.. If we are meant to be.. If we are meant to be..

Some1 once told me, wat i'm doin is actually punishin myself..n da way i do it, its too deep. I din realise all dis n i cant denied it either. Am i? Oh my.. But y all dis? Its beyond my understandin.. hopefully one day HE will show me da truth..

20th December 2005

“Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory”

Greetings my fellow frenz n readers..
Its been 2 weeks or so? Where haf i been? Wat haf i been up to? hahaha..Life's passin super fast..One min u were filled wif guilt de other in trainin n da next at ur frenz wedding. How time flies. How closer we all are to da grave.

I needed some time to clear things up n God gave me things to pre-occupy my mind. HE's all knowing. It hurts to be hurt by da one u truely love. I know, I've been dare. But to forgive n accept it all? I never thought anyone'd do dat fer me. Wat is da hidden msg behind all dis? Does love really exist fer me?

Things are goin crazy fer me. Ppl settlin down here n dare. Werk is takin da next level fer me..If it all werk out, its either life or death. Perhaps dat is y I'm too afraid to fall in love. Afraid i'm unable to perform my duties to my peak wif out thinkin of my love ones. The thought of da risks, da realism of death..but somehow i know i'm destined to do dis. Somehow i know HE's always by my side..Wierd? I'd say miracle!

6th December 2005 (night)

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Half da day us gone..
Sometimes in life, u just wanna take a gamble. To try new things be it its against Religion or not. To know how it feels n y ppl r doin it. A sin dat one must bear, a price one must pay now or later in dis life or de afterlife.

I failed my prac, n now i'm falling sick. Stopped by Seletar dam to tune my bike n watch sunset alone. Thinkin abt wat has happened. Wat is right is now wrong, wat is wrong is now right. A step forward i've taken, closer i feel to my grave but i've yet to prepare. I haf sins beyond sins. i've gone beyond my principles n beliefs just to satisfy my craving curiousity.

May GOD haf mercy on us all. May GOD forgive us all n turn us back to wat is right. n to all of u, pls forgive all my wrong doins, my sins. Peace my brothers n sisters.

6th December 2005

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

6th December 2005

Good mornin!
TO be honest, i forgot its my bdae today! Kwang..Kwang..Kwang..Till I got a phone call from beetlebug n her new found flower @2300! Dat was soo sweet..Awww..Y? coz i just got back from my practical. It din turn out soo good n tomorrow's my evaluation..Sigh..Guess under all dat stress knowing dat my frenz remember my bdae..kinda touching. Besides dat, got some present from my parents. and not forgettin wishes from mary, yani, dillah, beetle n her panadol ..hehehe..n of course boo. Did i mention she got me a bdae cake last Sat? I think i did my last entry..
hehehe..

Wats up dis month? I'll be pretty busy again..sigh..My name's up fer bomb squad selection. Dunnoe if i can make it. Seems kinda tough. Kinda like DART seletion. Sigh..Dats a 3 days selection n workshop. Besides dat, got some kinda meeting or seminar so to speak..

Hows me n boo? entah lah..actually dunnoe wats wrong wif me..Kiri tak kena, Kanan tak kena..I dunno lah.. I'm really messed up n confused..

Wats on my mind lately? I dunnoe if i should get a 400cc bike or just wait n get a 600cc or 1000cc bike. Da thought of getting a car is also dare. Y a bigger bike? Actually dares a desire to travel far or to play track @ pasir gudang..I dunnoe yet. But da frustration of gettin ur skills right is dare! Sigh.. Since i downgraded to a smaller bike, Its soooo different.. At times i just feel like giving up! But..Insya-Allah.. Aight peepzz. take care n Gd nite.

To dose who wished me bdae, n dose who remember me, Thank you so very much. Its touching knowing dat others remember me. May God Bless us all.

End of Syawal..

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

3rd December 2005

Syawal is coming to an end. I cant say I din enjoy Syawal, but i cant also say i enjoyed syawal. This yr's Adilfitri is a beautiful n memorable one i'd say. I got in touch wif so many frenz. So much so i forgot how it feels to be loved by dose who cares abt u. Dis yr's open house, Masya-Allah, so many beautiful frens turned up. From ex-primary sch to sec to colleague. It may not seem much but its da most in my life. look at my english, I'm having problem expressing my thoughts!

Yesterday, i met up wif my ex-pri sch frens..I know..I know i've be missing fer a long time. I suppose besides bein busy i was kinda upset dat i missed da hari raya outing wif my pri frenz, n my sec sch frenz..Only when wif boo's frenz..I was pretty much besy wif courses n all. Had my HTML course n recently i GOT MY RESTRITED CLASS 4 LICENSE!! Kewl aye? Wat else happen? entah lah..Life's like spining sooo fast.

Oh ya, i went to Stains Field College to checkout da course but..Well, seems like my schedule si like sooo tight up, its kinda risky to take it up. i hafta stop now, boo came down wif a surprise bdae cake! Goin to Lyana's sis's wedding dinner later in da evening wif sum of da gals n guys..Take care peepz. To all whom i couldnt vist ur house, I'm soo sorry. Insya-Allah next yr aight! ;) Peace to all!

dA tRuTh iS fInAlLy oUt

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Finally..In da mist of thunder n heavy downpour, da truth is finally out! I'm pretty shock myself. Din expect dis to happen AGAIN! Masya-Allah.. This is far beyond my control. Perhaps within it lies a teaching. I do wat I can, I leave Da rest to HIM.

9th November 2005

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Life's taken an unexpected twist. All I have been looking forward to is fading away. Wat has happen? Wats da meaning of all dis? Questions..Questions..Questions. I dun wanna hurt anyone, especially boo. But wat is goin on? We had a small chat yesterday, n it turned out all wrong! I said things dat I did not mean.

Wats my next step? Wat am I to do wif my life? I dun wanna remain stangnant all da time. I wanna create several milestones of my life! Dare r a few goals in mind I'm considering...but y da sudden shift? Me n boo haf grown further due to our work demands. Seems dares lesser time to spend wif each other. Seems i growing more n more independent..

O yar! Its still Hari Raya! Gosh I felt as if its over! Speaking of which, I dun think I can make it dis outting dis coming 13th. Sigh..Can only gett off at 8pm. Dat is, if all goes well. Seems like most of my colleagues r having courses on da 14th. Werk! Ahh..Yesh werk..Heard da reshuffling is canceled, coz it caused lots of uprising n unhappiness plus, my "boss" is getting transfered sooner den expected. He sure is a high-flyer!

Some still ask, whether i've gotten over my past, truth is, i'll never will. But, to forgive, is da biggest step to fogetting abt da past. So, dats wat i'm doin. To forgive. Of course, wif it comes sorrowness but hopefully I can move on. Just a side note, dis has no bearing to wat is goin on wif me n boo. So dun make assumtions! Coz Assumtions is da mother of all FUCK UPS!

Dares nothing much fer now, da rest is all in my head, processing..n processing..n processing..
Y?..Y?..Y?.. Y not? Y dis? Y dat? Y must I? Hopefully i wont loose my mind. Always in deep thoughts. Dis worries me a lot. Even when I'm wif my frens, i'm not present..

6th November 2005

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Salam Lebaran!
Dis year's lebaran was filled wif sooo many challenges, but wif patience n perseverance n da Baraqah givin in da holy month of Ramadan, it became BEAUTIFUL!

Dis year's Lebaran, i did not celebrate it wif my dearest. Its a first. No matter wat in da past, somehow we'll get togetger n patch things up just b4 raye. But dis time, God took her away n replace it wif something even MORE! EVEN BETTER! Frenz n Family! n of course dat special sum1.

Yesterday, I had my open house. the surpise was overwhelming. Frenz from my pri sch, frenz from my sec n frenz from werk. Somehow we managed to put aside our differences n made peace. Perhaps dats is wat my awah fren wanted. Fer all just to put aside our differences n make peace. Perhaps his passing is a blessing in disguise!

Speaking of which, my frenz n cousin n i visited my arwah's family right after Solat Adilfitri. Dey greeted us wif joy n when its soon to make a move, her mother teared in grief. Dat broke a tear in all of us. Realisin da fact dat he's gone. Make God haf mercy on his soul.

So i though y dis yr would be any diff, so i visited boo's house after i got home. Facing da fact dat i haf not slept well, coz dat mlm raye, we went to geylang up to 4am! Hahaha..Wow! Human TRAFFIC JAM!!!

I just dun knoe wat else to say. Dares sooo much things dat happen. So much things i learnt abt my frenz. things dat make u tear..How we haf all changed. How we all haf been tested by God. Its amazing, how we all are in touch tight now. I'd say all things happen fer a reason. I'd say its a miracle. I pray dat may God allow us to continue our beautiful frenships till end of time. May it bloom n never fade. May God be wif us all n may God haf mercy on us all.

Once again, Salam Adilfitri, Salam Sejahtera.