30th December 2005

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

The year is almost coming to an end. Its funny how fast time flies. One min ur in love da next its gone. Den it begins all over again, like a cycle dat never fails to end. I look back at the past to see if i've made any accomplishments, to recall dose happy or sad moments only to realise its BLANK!!
Yup i guess dats me. I dun keep milestones or memories very well in my brain. To me, life's all abt living it fer da day and dats it. It does not mean dat i'm impulsive or those kind of 'bo chap' type. I do always plan ahead of things though i can be very lazy at times!
"We never plan to fail in life but often we fail to plan!"

I haf dis "go wif da flow" attitude. Its a simple way of life, when i need to or when the situation requires to den i will move accordingly. I know it aint a gd attitude coz u'll require lots of goals or motivation to actually get things DONE! Else lazinees sets in! :(

I respect those ppl who can actually pick demselves up and actually get things done way beyond deadlines! They say its good plannin/organizing but i say its DISCIPLINE!

Werk is getting to me. Seems dares lots of stuff to do since i got back from my LONG LEAVE! Apart from my normal LAST MIN ASSIGNMENTS! i'm involve in da major exercise dats been in da news! Nope aint gonna tell u wat when or where.. :*
if ur da unlucky commuter den..kwang3..too bad..LOL

I'm feeling lost now..on da phone wif boo n tryin to jot my thoughts..I dun know if its coz of da hang over from da extremely late sleep i had since i knocked off werk or...hmmm...I'm tryin to get over things. I ask myself y i'm worshipping my past when dares nothing to worship all abt. Wats so great abt my past? Waat da F8Ck is wrong wif me? LoL!
I'm known to haf a wierd brain wavelength..I think recently my colleagues saw my crazy bubbly self dats been kept in da dark fer yrs. i think some of em cant stand it! LoL..
oh well, might as well enjoy it, sooner or later i'll change again..becoming all serious again. Trust me..Dis one i can foresee. y is dis a gd thing? it somewat shows dat i'm ready to move on to smtg new..but wat ah? khakhakha..

oh well, boo seems to be bored on the other side of da phone..better go and tok to her..Addios!

It still hurts?

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

*BAM*! Smtg i tot I gotten awy just hit me hard again! Sigh..Guess all dese while its been kept in da dark. "Its time to move on.." Dis is wat i'm tellin myself..Over n Over again..Y do i get butterflies when i saw it? Y does it seems my heart skip a beat or 2..
It hurts seein some1 happier in da hands of another. Wat i fail to accomplish seems to be a walk in da park fer another.

Lookin at da bigger picture, i got my second chance. To make some1 happier. To accomplish smtg i couldn't. But.. It aint da same it just hurts not matter wat. Though i've hurt her inttentionally or not but..

Guess i am sumhow still in da dark ages. But thank God, she is da light..Perhaps da light of my life but i just dun know it yet. Dey say time heals all wounds..Time is healling my wounds, hopefully time will also open up my heart to love again da way i did once upon a time..

I pray dat my past found wat she has been looking fer...May she be happy always..

I pray dat my present, if she is da one, my light, my other half, i pray for her happiness, health and patience. If we are meant to be, may God open up our hearts and bless our love fer all ethernity.. If we are meant to be.. If we are meant to be..

Some1 once told me, wat i'm doin is actually punishin myself..n da way i do it, its too deep. I din realise all dis n i cant denied it either. Am i? Oh my.. But y all dis? Its beyond my understandin.. hopefully one day HE will show me da truth..

20th December 2005

“Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory”

Greetings my fellow frenz n readers..
Its been 2 weeks or so? Where haf i been? Wat haf i been up to? hahaha..Life's passin super fast..One min u were filled wif guilt de other in trainin n da next at ur frenz wedding. How time flies. How closer we all are to da grave.

I needed some time to clear things up n God gave me things to pre-occupy my mind. HE's all knowing. It hurts to be hurt by da one u truely love. I know, I've been dare. But to forgive n accept it all? I never thought anyone'd do dat fer me. Wat is da hidden msg behind all dis? Does love really exist fer me?

Things are goin crazy fer me. Ppl settlin down here n dare. Werk is takin da next level fer me..If it all werk out, its either life or death. Perhaps dat is y I'm too afraid to fall in love. Afraid i'm unable to perform my duties to my peak wif out thinkin of my love ones. The thought of da risks, da realism of death..but somehow i know i'm destined to do dis. Somehow i know HE's always by my side..Wierd? I'd say miracle!

6th December 2005 (night)

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Half da day us gone..
Sometimes in life, u just wanna take a gamble. To try new things be it its against Religion or not. To know how it feels n y ppl r doin it. A sin dat one must bear, a price one must pay now or later in dis life or de afterlife.

I failed my prac, n now i'm falling sick. Stopped by Seletar dam to tune my bike n watch sunset alone. Thinkin abt wat has happened. Wat is right is now wrong, wat is wrong is now right. A step forward i've taken, closer i feel to my grave but i've yet to prepare. I haf sins beyond sins. i've gone beyond my principles n beliefs just to satisfy my craving curiousity.

May GOD haf mercy on us all. May GOD forgive us all n turn us back to wat is right. n to all of u, pls forgive all my wrong doins, my sins. Peace my brothers n sisters.

6th December 2005

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

6th December 2005

Good mornin!
TO be honest, i forgot its my bdae today! Kwang..Kwang..Kwang..Till I got a phone call from beetlebug n her new found flower @2300! Dat was soo sweet..Awww..Y? coz i just got back from my practical. It din turn out soo good n tomorrow's my evaluation..Sigh..Guess under all dat stress knowing dat my frenz remember my bdae..kinda touching. Besides dat, got some present from my parents. and not forgettin wishes from mary, yani, dillah, beetle n her panadol ..hehehe..n of course boo. Did i mention she got me a bdae cake last Sat? I think i did my last entry..
hehehe..

Wats up dis month? I'll be pretty busy again..sigh..My name's up fer bomb squad selection. Dunnoe if i can make it. Seems kinda tough. Kinda like DART seletion. Sigh..Dats a 3 days selection n workshop. Besides dat, got some kinda meeting or seminar so to speak..

Hows me n boo? entah lah..actually dunnoe wats wrong wif me..Kiri tak kena, Kanan tak kena..I dunno lah.. I'm really messed up n confused..

Wats on my mind lately? I dunnoe if i should get a 400cc bike or just wait n get a 600cc or 1000cc bike. Da thought of getting a car is also dare. Y a bigger bike? Actually dares a desire to travel far or to play track @ pasir gudang..I dunnoe yet. But da frustration of gettin ur skills right is dare! Sigh.. Since i downgraded to a smaller bike, Its soooo different.. At times i just feel like giving up! But..Insya-Allah.. Aight peepzz. take care n Gd nite.

To dose who wished me bdae, n dose who remember me, Thank you so very much. Its touching knowing dat others remember me. May God Bless us all.

End of Syawal..

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

3rd December 2005

Syawal is coming to an end. I cant say I din enjoy Syawal, but i cant also say i enjoyed syawal. This yr's Adilfitri is a beautiful n memorable one i'd say. I got in touch wif so many frenz. So much so i forgot how it feels to be loved by dose who cares abt u. Dis yr's open house, Masya-Allah, so many beautiful frens turned up. From ex-primary sch to sec to colleague. It may not seem much but its da most in my life. look at my english, I'm having problem expressing my thoughts!

Yesterday, i met up wif my ex-pri sch frens..I know..I know i've be missing fer a long time. I suppose besides bein busy i was kinda upset dat i missed da hari raya outing wif my pri frenz, n my sec sch frenz..Only when wif boo's frenz..I was pretty much besy wif courses n all. Had my HTML course n recently i GOT MY RESTRITED CLASS 4 LICENSE!! Kewl aye? Wat else happen? entah lah..Life's like spining sooo fast.

Oh ya, i went to Stains Field College to checkout da course but..Well, seems like my schedule si like sooo tight up, its kinda risky to take it up. i hafta stop now, boo came down wif a surprise bdae cake! Goin to Lyana's sis's wedding dinner later in da evening wif sum of da gals n guys..Take care peepz. To all whom i couldnt vist ur house, I'm soo sorry. Insya-Allah next yr aight! ;) Peace to all!