dA tRuTh iS fInAlLy oUt

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Finally..In da mist of thunder n heavy downpour, da truth is finally out! I'm pretty shock myself. Din expect dis to happen AGAIN! Masya-Allah.. This is far beyond my control. Perhaps within it lies a teaching. I do wat I can, I leave Da rest to HIM.

9th November 2005

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Life's taken an unexpected twist. All I have been looking forward to is fading away. Wat has happen? Wats da meaning of all dis? Questions..Questions..Questions. I dun wanna hurt anyone, especially boo. But wat is goin on? We had a small chat yesterday, n it turned out all wrong! I said things dat I did not mean.

Wats my next step? Wat am I to do wif my life? I dun wanna remain stangnant all da time. I wanna create several milestones of my life! Dare r a few goals in mind I'm considering...but y da sudden shift? Me n boo haf grown further due to our work demands. Seems dares lesser time to spend wif each other. Seems i growing more n more independent..

O yar! Its still Hari Raya! Gosh I felt as if its over! Speaking of which, I dun think I can make it dis outting dis coming 13th. Sigh..Can only gett off at 8pm. Dat is, if all goes well. Seems like most of my colleagues r having courses on da 14th. Werk! Ahh..Yesh werk..Heard da reshuffling is canceled, coz it caused lots of uprising n unhappiness plus, my "boss" is getting transfered sooner den expected. He sure is a high-flyer!

Some still ask, whether i've gotten over my past, truth is, i'll never will. But, to forgive, is da biggest step to fogetting abt da past. So, dats wat i'm doin. To forgive. Of course, wif it comes sorrowness but hopefully I can move on. Just a side note, dis has no bearing to wat is goin on wif me n boo. So dun make assumtions! Coz Assumtions is da mother of all FUCK UPS!

Dares nothing much fer now, da rest is all in my head, processing..n processing..n processing..
Y?..Y?..Y?.. Y not? Y dis? Y dat? Y must I? Hopefully i wont loose my mind. Always in deep thoughts. Dis worries me a lot. Even when I'm wif my frens, i'm not present..

6th November 2005

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Salam Lebaran!
Dis year's lebaran was filled wif sooo many challenges, but wif patience n perseverance n da Baraqah givin in da holy month of Ramadan, it became BEAUTIFUL!

Dis year's Lebaran, i did not celebrate it wif my dearest. Its a first. No matter wat in da past, somehow we'll get togetger n patch things up just b4 raye. But dis time, God took her away n replace it wif something even MORE! EVEN BETTER! Frenz n Family! n of course dat special sum1.

Yesterday, I had my open house. the surpise was overwhelming. Frenz from my pri sch, frenz from my sec n frenz from werk. Somehow we managed to put aside our differences n made peace. Perhaps dats is wat my awah fren wanted. Fer all just to put aside our differences n make peace. Perhaps his passing is a blessing in disguise!

Speaking of which, my frenz n cousin n i visited my arwah's family right after Solat Adilfitri. Dey greeted us wif joy n when its soon to make a move, her mother teared in grief. Dat broke a tear in all of us. Realisin da fact dat he's gone. Make God haf mercy on his soul.

So i though y dis yr would be any diff, so i visited boo's house after i got home. Facing da fact dat i haf not slept well, coz dat mlm raye, we went to geylang up to 4am! Hahaha..Wow! Human TRAFFIC JAM!!!

I just dun knoe wat else to say. Dares sooo much things dat happen. So much things i learnt abt my frenz. things dat make u tear..How we haf all changed. How we all haf been tested by God. Its amazing, how we all are in touch tight now. I'd say all things happen fer a reason. I'd say its a miracle. I pray dat may God allow us to continue our beautiful frenships till end of time. May it bloom n never fade. May God be wif us all n may God haf mercy on us all.

Once again, Salam Adilfitri, Salam Sejahtera.

EiD muBaRaK

"Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Ampun Maaf kepada semua seaindainye terkasar bahasa atau salah silap"

A very Good morning! A lot has happen dis ramadan. Filled wif lots of dugaan. But Syukur Alhamdullilah, setiap kejadian ader sebabnye dan rahmatnye. Di bulan yg penuh Rahmat ini, bila ku lihat balik kejadian2 yg berlaku, air mata hampir2 menitis. Di sini lah ku hampir hilang nyawa ku, disinilah ku hampir hilang bonda ku, di sinilah ku hampir hilang arah dan akal..
TEtApi disebaliknye, semua ade sebab2 tertentu, Allah maha mengetahui, Allah maha Adil, Allah maha Suci. Subbahanallah...

Again dis morning, I was haunted by my past. The more i look at it, the more i realise how much my soul 'sanjung' her.. Dun get me wrong, I aint looking at da past. Perhaps its because, every yr no matter wat happens we never fail to get back during Ramadan. And every 1st day, I never fail to visit her family. Dis time its just diff. I feel like i'm cheating sumhow. but who am i cheating? Sigh.. I knoe Boo's been upset n very patience wif me. But its me who's impatience..
I could almost cried in my dreams just now, Oh dear God, how long more will u torture my soul..

To look more on da positive side, I got in touch wif lots of my frens. The long lost ones, da trator whom noW is a fren, the new frens...A new bike...A new life fer my mom..And most importantly, A NEW STRONGER ME!

TO ALL MY FRENS, DA LOST, DA OLD, DA NEW, DA EX-TRATORS, MY LOVE, N MY PAST,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI,

SEANDAINYE KU BERDOSA TERHADAP MU,

KU MOHAON AMPUN DARI MU, HALAL KAN MAKAN MINUM KU

MOGA ALLAH REDOR'I KAMI SEMUA