25th February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

All seems outta place but I'm sure when da dust settles da purpose is revealed! A desire to study has engulfed my heart but da path is too smoky to see. noting is acertain at dis moment as da new breed of specialist is underway. Whether or not it will be established is another question. If it does..How dangerous is it? No insurance can cover it. If da threat so happens, we haf but only one chance of survival. Y? Y do we do dis? The ans is very much simple. Fer our family, fer our loved ones, fer our frenz fer our nation. If we were to go, we go knowing we made a difference. We are but only humans. Forgive us my frenz forgive us God. Remember us always, not as heros, but as frenz who gave our lives so dat u may haf a better one.

24th February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory".

Finally! Graduated from course!
Wow! How time flies.. Now its back to stn life =( A wholes mth of werk is waitin fer me...hmmm..
Nothing much to blog abt today. Probably coz i'm too tired i suppose..
take care..

23rd February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

FINALLY!!
I JUST FINISHED MY FINAL EXERCISE!!! It was super HOT and tiring! We had 3 consecutive incidents to wrap up our course! At the end of it, he told us our results, comprising of our theory, hands on and exercise!

I cant believe it. So young in da force and now i'm a specialist. Alhamdullilah Syukur...My body is aching like hell. Did i mention i just got home? hahaha..at abt 2100hrs!! We waited quite sum time fer our dorm key. dis dimwit returned da key wifout anyone's knowledge! F*&%! lol..

Msg boo i passed but..hmmm..disappointing reply. Perhaps she's too happy out wif her frenz..Wateva..

Tomorrow's my graduation or rather my passin out. Told my mom to sow on da velcrow fer my tag..hehe..Maybe i should go out and celebrate..álthough i'm kinda super exhausted..Syukur Alhamdullilah..

22nd February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Dey say time heals all wounds. but can one really forgive and forget? or perhaps forgive and remember? Even worst..Forget but never forgive!! how r u gonna ans in ur after life? Sum ppl uses anger to overcome dis feelin. Sum uses sorrow to flood it..Sum would even go to the extend of vengence! God forgive us all...

When a person is all forgivin and patience up to the brink, dun be surprise da fact dat u haf lost ur wild cards! no more room fer forgiveness. hehehe..Wow.. Which is y trust is the up most of importance. To receive one's trust is like holdin his/her life in ur hands. Its a living thing! To break it is to kill it. It can be as simple as 'meeting time' or as deep as ur secrets. Another word fer it, 'amanah'. Dis one word tells a million. its weightage in de afterlife is far too great fer one to bear. how many promises haf u broken?

i had quite a hot tiresome day. I'll bet tomorrow'll be worst. Found out a few of my frens fail their theory. Which is y i'm goin to help dem in a min or so. Its also a gd way to recap watever i've learnt. after all, knowledge is POWER!
I'm not sure how i'll fair in my overall performance. Insya-Allah.

Fer those who is lost to wat i'm goin through..Actually i've been selected to be part of the new breed of specialist. in order to be one i'm currenly bein trained to be a HazMat specialist. Wat it means? Harzardous Materials..bla..Bla.Bla..hehehe..Dats all fer now. i dun like to blaber abt my werk life in cyber world. addious!

21st February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Good evening.
I just got home from quite a travel ard singapore! Actually after my coz from Jalan Bahar all da way to CCK den upper srangoon den back to boon keng den to bencoolen makan place den hm! LoL..along da way my fren's bike ran outta fuel, luckly i spotted him..Hehehe..

My morning started off wif a surprise sms from my ex. Asking fer my erm or rather our previous bike's plate no. Apparently sum1 bought it n its sumwhere near her place..
I ask her how she was and when's she's gonna settle down. And guess wat! Sumwhere in 2008! Not de ans i hoped fer..*grins* I told her, "He must be sum1 special to haf opened ur heart to marriage." And she replied "He inspires me".
I wonder in my past did i ever not be da perfect person..I know towrds de end i became some1 super negative. A bitter person i suppose. I wonder how i am now..I mean towards boo. At times i haf been cold towards her. But to tell ya da truth. i think dats only 1%! hehehe..I always get angry especially on da road whenever i manouve in traffic and suddenly she moves or da things she carries causes da bike to move and i hafta take evasive action. Dis kinda things, really scares da shit out of me. Sumtime i feel like askin her to ride and i sit behind. haha..small issue u think? be in my shoe! I'm surprise dat ms ex remembers my/our bike no. We had a near death exp on dat bike. DAT I DUN WANNA RE-LIVE IT AGAIN!!! ( boo...scary u knoe..)And i remember crashing several times out of anger fer her. haha..how stupid back den. how Naive i was.
Memories..memories..Sweet Memories. How it hurts..How it tears you. "We once thought we were made fer each other but in the end we were just stepping stones" dis is wat i msg her.."It would be an honour to attend ur wedding even though i'm not the one sitting beside you" sumwat da final sms. Sooner or later, she'll be terminating her lines n disappear.
I guess dis is the key word or rather the key event i've been waitin 4. The phrase or rather the action dat states dat dare is no more hope, no more room left. Time to move one. Dun get me wrong, i haf moved on, just dat at times...hahaha..hope..hope, false hope. Sumtimes to just wanna make sre its really over..
To heal one's heart you hafta forgive. Especially urself. I've been blaming myslef fer da past yrs dat has gone by. Only God knows. So much so dat now i dun recognize happiness and even love ..dat is right in front of me. My heart has close. God forgive me. only HE knows how much tears my darlin has shed while knocking da doors to my heart.
Everyone's ard me is getting engagged or plan fer marriage. Even my ex. but i'm nowhere dare. i used to but..At times i just feel dat i'll be rather happy bein alone. Sumwat like punishin myself..Kate rg dulu2, bawa diri..I know a few who are like dat. Too heart broken til dey grow old alone. I dun wanna be like dat either.
I dun think so i'm ready fer marriage even boo if i may say so myself. Too much responsibility. i'm da eldest and my responsibilty falls on my parents and siblings coz i'm de only son. boo's de ONLY CHILD! So question is, where do my responsibilties fall? Its too scary to think of. Dats not de only issue. Dare are lots of others. Wat abt my goals or ambitions? Haha..scary..

BOo's planin to go overseas wif her gerlfrens and i'm like...erm..sigh..I'm not saying she cant go, neither i'm sayin she can go..hmmm..just in da middle of nowhere. I dun wanna stress myself any further. So many things coming up. i'm just glad i cleared my exam. just waiting fer da results. While waitin, i gt field ex and final ex coming up da next few days. Den sun back to werk wif HIGHRISE ex!! Sigh...

Boo was sweet yesterday tryin to cheer me up or rather pujuk. hehehe.. I actully zonked da min i lay me head on da bed. She called and started yecking abt overseas and dis and dat...Sum how half asleep i got pissed off! Who wouldn't! Da tought of gals goin overseas to sum 3rd world country bla..bla..bla..especially half asleep, or rather 3/4 asleep..ayooo...

Sumtimes i do miss her..maybe coz of our werkin schedule. it spells out NO TIME! hahaha..I tink most of da time i'm just too afraid to commit. Love is a scary thing..It poisonous..and contageous! SAY NO TO LOVE!!! YES TO SEX!!! Den again wat is SEx witout Love? Den wat abt LoVE withOut SEX??? hahahahahahaha... Dun worry ladies and gentleman, i'm not a horny sex maniac..just a ssleepy guy wif a corny joke..Addios amigoes!!!

19th February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Good evening!
Few hours to my exam and i studied no shit! Sigh..Dunnoe wats become of me. Surfed ard fer courses offered be poly fer part time. SP is still da best offerin "pure dip"ulike TP and NP offerin Dip in Tech den u pick ur specialisation: (chem) (biz IT) or smtg like dat..haha..

All these planning I dunnoe if it can be executed. Life's like a train ride, wif so many stops but always on da move. Not to mention hurdles here and there. I dunnoe if I can make it tomorrow. Sumhow it'll make a diff in my life. Like a cross road, but dis time it makes da decision u haf to only wait.
I tried studyin, since yesterday. but sumhow nothing is registering. De other day was amazing, able to digest in a snap. Perhaps I've used up da "magic" hahaha..Its all in da mind! its all in da mind! Finishin up my cup of coffe den off to study..

Small minds are much distressed by little things. Great minds see them all but are not upset by them

16th February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Ahhh! Greetings!!
I'm on MC today! Been a very long time since i've taken an MC! hehehe..Y? Energy kinda low and tomorow's my prac test!!! Mon's my theory test!! Werk is calling me from stn!!! GRRRR!!
It all spells out STRESS!
Just one more week den i'll pass out! Ayooo...
Din know chemistry could be sooo fun! hehehe..Nope, I'm not back at sch but actually attending a specialist course. Its all back to basics, chem, maths, bio physics..hahaha..Well, more of a pinch of this and that plus lotsa memorising werk! All da equipments and detectors and procedures..Fooyooo..
And not forgetting ENDURANCE!!! Physical and MENTAL! AGGRRRGGHHH!!!! Ayooo..oppss..Back to my studying..shhhsss..

07th February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Evening Alas!
Thy blood still burns in fury despite a tiresome day. A walk which will leave ur mind and body to part. Under the scorching hot sun in ur fully encapsulated suit made of some kind of rubber, u walk carrying a load which seems to get heavier and heavier by the minute. Ur arms weaken ur neck stiffen beyond tolerance ur mind starts to sway around and u keep telling ur body to go straight...Then.. Almost at the end when my air supply was cut off! I tot i ran out of air and panicked! Gasping for air I took out my suit...Mission Failed.
I was grouped as one of the failures. A WEAKLING! my blood boils wif anger. Even worst, i found out later that somehow my air supply was turned off. how could dis be possible? An act of God? but y? Wats in store for me? Wats the meaning of all this? My mind and body remains restless till i get my "retest"..Anger..unsatisfied...

5th February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Hi..
Wow! Its been sooo long. I dun even know where to begin. Life's riding faster then an aeroplane. One minute ur problem solving the next ur trying untie a misundertanding. Be it at werk or in ur social life. But i thank God, that in the mist of my unpredictable vast challenges, HE still rewards me wif fun and friends. True ones I suppose. One tat understands when ur busy one dat lends a listenin ear when ur in need. One dat creates a fun atmosphere just to make u forget ur problems ur conflicts ur pain...
Believe it or not, I've been to more then 3 camping by the sea in such a short time span. Family and friends. Each has a memory of its own. I suppose the most memorable one was at changi beach. Out of the blue we called eached other and decided to pitch up. And dat was late evening! LoL..Sumhow it happen. Although dare were some misunderstandings. I suppose its part and parcel of life. All these misunderstandings. Its a matter of how u wanna look at it. To ignore it and pretend nothing happen? To confront it diplomatically? Its a difficult thing to do i agree but not an impossible task. One haf to swollow one's ego to make the first move. Either dat, or put up thick skin..
I'm sure u would agree wif me, Friction occurs everywhere anywhere and anytime. Its a matter of how we lubricate it.
I just came back from bbq cum camping as a gatherin for ex xishanites. It started of wif a huge load of friction. I dun even know how to begin..I dun even know wat i did wrong. Just da words still lingers in my mind. A "fren" said such harsh words. In the first place i wasn't even talking to her knowing sumhow she was in a bad mood. Of all ppl, i still cant believe it came from her. I din realise my frens changed so fast...even Heard opinions from others ..Well its her life. Sometimes ppl are put through harsh rides dat makes one change, to become cold n bitter, coz dey need to haf a strong heart. Not to weep n give up in harsh times. But of course such changes will haf negative impact. I still feel so sad. AS if i've lost a fren and a long wif it a brother...Wierd..I felt a few negative vibes from several peeps while at the pit. Even from ppl whom i bear a grudge because of my past. How i ended up dare? hahaha..I had no intention of coming to da bbq but..well, i miss my frens..den i accidently saywzamzam! At da traffic light near Still rd. So i tot why not...The first face dat greeted me wif happiness was Gee! She was wif her fiance or is it bf? hehehe..One of the sisters i miss..
The whole gaterin din start off wif a good foot. Plus i made some bad impressions..So i think dis will be da last of its kind for me. I'll do wat i do best, stay busy and disappear..to stay in da outer circle. dat way i'll cause lesser damage! ;) Wats worst, it was boo's first overnight n well, it din turn out quite well..Disappointing..
One thing fer sure, ms bettle n mr tweedle seems to be madly in love! I'm happy fer them. knowing the depths of mr tweedle, i'm sure ms bettle will find comfort n strengths in him. God is all knowing n fair. He gives one a harsh ride in life n at the same time a comfort dats priceless..Love..

Love..something i am searching for. no i'm not yearnin fer my past but da magic of it. i seem to haf lost my defination of Love and romance. I know by bloggin dis i may be hurting a pure soul out dare. I cant lie to myself forever..i cant keep it inside forever as well. Wat is love? Wat is romance? Wat haf i become? I'm too engross in my life's journey dat...If i've forgotten to love why do i yearn fer da magic of it? Now i get it. All dis while i tot i'm yearing fer my past but i'm actually yearnin fer da magic of love!
Honestly speaking, i think i'm afraid to love agin. To take one step again. To feel weak again. To be a slave to love n jelousy. I need to be strong to walk dis journey of mine but at the same time i dun wanna be lonely...
I've been asking myself wat is love...How do i fall in love..how it all work? Love seems to be an easy thing in da past but now..ITS SOOO DIFFICULT!

Work? in short its WORK..WORK..WORK... I'm undergoin a 1 mth course now..1 shift b4 dat i had my Emergency Vehicle course..Sigh...Plus i've just been assigned a new appoinment..Wif 2 appointments in hand plus da new heavy responsibility of the emergency vehicle..and da course i'm undergoin..Its making a drastic change to my life..Its gonna be a bumpy ride..And guess wat? I'm afraid.......hahaha..The great wanderin is afraid..hahaha..sigh...
i haf dis bad habit of not sharing my werk problems wif my family or gf. I dunnoe y..It can easily tick me off when one asks abt my werk life!! So u see, i cant rely on my colleagues, and i haf no one to talk to..so where do i go to? Hopefully dat explains why i'm not always around..trying to solve my problems..at times just bein alone to sooth myself or wif my frens to go crazy n forget abt my stress..At times i just wanna.........Well, dats life.. =)

This is wanderin spiritz a.k.a WS signin off..To all dose who regard me as their fren, May GOD be wif us all in our journey. And GOD BLESS US ALL! Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim.