qUiEt qUiEt dAy...

Wats up!
Woke up dis morning to a very quiet home! Everyone's out! The emptiness caused me to feel darn lonely..Kinda reflects da lonelyness in me..The emptiness to be more precise..
Not talking abt da LOVE shit again! I aint dat pathetic u know! khakhakha..
Emptiness as in my life is like meaning less..haaiizzz...I mean..I'm like still drifting without an ambition..Wats worst i cant to anything abt it..Macam berat gitu to do things dese days...
Oh well..take care peepz..

Akhbar

In Loving memory...20 Nov 1983- 25 June 2005

iTs bEeN AwHiLe

Its been while since I last bloged..
Firstly to my circle of friends, Thank you sooo much fer ya concern..I'm touched. I wanna apologize to all of ya if i caused any trouble..
I've been avoiding everything, away from internet, friends, almost everything except work i suppose. Y? I ain't too sure myself. The death of a friend made things even more worst. Perhaps because nobody informed me of his death. It ain't a big deal but it made me feel how important a friend i am..hahaha..Its kinda pointless to go fer his kenduri n meet up all da faces..I think i just do it from home..
Since da disappearence of a special someone, I've been like a lost child. Its den that I found my old friends n made some new friends n even got a cyber sis! *lol*
Life's taken a pretty sudden shift last week. I met someone new n dis person is changing my perspective by accident. I began to travel n literally wander from places to places..In CBD, Town, Chinatown...all da way to ECP..The journey is somehow causing me to change..For the better I suppose..Believe it or not, I've been to soo many diff eating places..Some of them i visited like 5 yrs ago? hahaha..Its true when i was wif my Ex we rarely venture out. I haf no idea y. I wanted to but it was just soo 'heavy'.
The best part of my adventure dis week, athough we venture here n dare, this person never forget to remind me to pray! Which is y i makes dis journey a spiritual one. I've been to a few new mosque that i never visited or visited ages ago!
Its true dese days, i dun wanna be at home, not even online..I can't even pray wif serenity at home. Perhaps being here brings too much memories subconsciencely...I dun remember any by sumhow i can feel it..
I'm still at da crossroads, unable to make decisions. Hopefully God will show me the way.
Work is piling up n its gonna be a very very busy month of july..I just hope he'll give me the strength to go on..It ain't a matter of work load but the 'semangat' to do it..Lately i'm like half spirited..
Dares like a whirlpool of feelings in me..A mixture of sooo many feelings even guilt..
I guess dares a knocking in my door n i'm scared to answer it!
hahaha..
Anyways i'm tuning in to Greenday..i forgot how i love to listen to dis kinda songs.. *grin*

AnGeL oF dEaTh...

Dat explains y I haven been myself..
Myt fren just passed away yesterday..n I just found out through FREINDSTER...
Mohd Akhbar..May God be wif ya..
Ya Allah..dis is da second friend u took away from me n i found out one step slower!
I dunno wat to feel..or to say..I feel too much regret in me!
Ya Allah..I din even et to say goodbye to him..
Y..Y..Y...????
He just added me to friendster n waiting fer approval..
He died yesterday night ard 2100...Bike accident...


2 days ago my fren's patient died..a liltle boy ard 9++...died of cancer..

wAt TeLaH hApPeN...

Wassup peepz!
Its been awhile since my last confession...*lol*
Seriously its been awhile since i jot down my thoughts..Here goes..
I just got back from dinner wif a fren. Da hilarious thing is dat we're suppose to meet at Toa pAyoh but i reistered in my head, YCK!!!So as per usual, i took my own sweet time..ONly to realise its da wrong location! Luckly i called to double confirm! Took a Cab down..Gosh!
So many things has happen..Events dat trigger questions making me wonder..I've been sort of self reflecting which is y i'm seldom online..Dun worry peepz, need me, just holler..
Went to meet my frenz father de other day..Had a pap talk wif him..his words somehow inspired me to persue in my dreams..It sent down a chain reaction triggering questions in diff areas of my life!
I dun haf much to say fer now coz my head is aching n i'm really exhausted..
Right now, i'm at da crossroads of my life, time is running short n i haf to take a path..

GENGGAM BARA BIAR SAMPAI JADI ABU

fReNs wHoSe hEaRt...

Frens whose heart as big as the brightest star..Almost an Angel...
How can one care fer a total stranger knowing his life may or may not...
I pray fer dis little boy whose fighting brian tumor...Moga Allah dan Malaikat2 Nye sentiasa bersama dier..Moga die diiringi kebahagian dan ketenangan..dunia dan juga di akhirat nanti...

Reminds me of my arwah fren...

Dia sebutir bintang

Dia sebutir bintang,
bergemerlapan menemani si bulan,
dikelilingi awan gemawan
menghias dada malam mengerdip cantik.

Dia sebutir bintang,
wajahnya tenang setenang air di kali
senyumannya menawan hati siapa yang memandang.
Di sebalik kesakitan, di sebalik keperitanada kegembiraan.
Dia sebutir bintang,
yang tabah menjalani sisa-sisa kehidupan
walaupun tidak dapat melihat dengan mata kasar
dia masih mampu melihat dengan mata hatinya.

Dia sebutir bintang,
hadirnya di dunia mengajar manusia erti kemanusiaan,
mengajar manusia erti sebuah kehidupan,
mengajar manusia erti pengorbanan.
Hadirnya memberi sinaran pada kesuraman
dan kegelapan malam.

Dia sebutir bintang,
yang berjaya menawan hati ini
berjaya mencelikkan rasa keinsafan
berjaya membangunkan sifat kemanusiaan
berjaya menyedarkan aku dari kealpaan...

Dia sebutir bintang,
walaupun jauh di mata..
dekat di hati
walaupun tidak pernah berjumpa
dan bersua muka,
dirinya akan ku ingat sentiasa..
kata-katanya akan kujadikan pembakar semangat
untuk terus berjuang
menempuh ranjau hidup ini
walaupun terpaksa merempuh pelbagai onak dan duri.
kerana kehadirannya telah mengajar ku erti hidup yang hakiki..

Terima kasih adikku Khairul
ketahuilah, jika perginya dirimu kelak
pemergianmu bukan suatu yang sia-sia
kerana kehadiranmu telah membuka mata hati diri ini
dan juga mereka-mereka yang mengenalimu..

Stolen from marylam's blog...

tHoUgHtS...

Hey ya!
Its been awhile since i blog. Guess wat, I went to werk de other day without sleeping again! Gosh! Rabakz sey! Luckily I was sent to fire post, but dare, i cant even sleep in peace!!! Puaka tol tu tempat!! Oh well, it's its home n we're invading..khekhekhe
During yesterday's highrise, i was given da most important appointment! Wow! Syukur Alhamdullilah i managed..Forget bits n pieces..but overall fer my first time it was ok..i was the heart of the operations..Controlling, monitoring da operations! kewl huh! Luckily my fren made some coffee, else..i'll be brain dead!
After work when everyone went home, i was de only one asleep in my dorm! I guess i haf to get used to it. MY SECOND HOME..khekhekhe..I had to go to HQ so i might as well get some sleep..
I'm soooooo thankful to God, for i've been accepted n my coz will commence on da 18 of july. Its a 7weeks coz. Dgn izin Allah, i pray everything will go on smoothly..Fer dose who knows wat i'm talking abt, pray fer me yar! :) It'll be a hectic busy busy 7 weeks...
Da disadvantage is dat, my rota will be goin fer some important tests, n i'm like suck wif dis course...Dat means i hafta go separately...sigh...oh well, sacrifices hafta be made!
Life for me pretty much ok..Realise i can't listen to some of da english songs..coz it brings back memories..hahaha..but one day, i'll fight my feelings n confront it..Insya-Allah..
Dares so many things i wanna do, but i dunno if time will permit..
Dares dis feeling fer me to persue dis thing, but, i dunnoe where to start looking fer it. i leave it to HIM..Insya-Allah..If HE wants me to persue it, HE'll show me da way..As fer my part, I'll keep on sourcing n keep my options open..
May God be with us all..

eVeNtS fEr dA dAy...tHoUgHts..

Woke up to da noise of construction work at my carpark. Surprised by some mood lifting msgs from frenz. Pretty much laz ard half da day. Got a surprising news from mary, someone came to merisik her! And da guy is twice her age! *lol* Sorry mary but i couldn't help it..Ayooo..Understand its not da first time. Wow! Now I knoe ur living like in dose kampung days!
Oh by da way, to all ex-xishanites, u peepz remember Mr Sarip, pri sch discipline master...He passed away yesterday morning in aust. Innallilah...
Where was I, got in touch wif an old fren from ncc..Now a police trainee..
Pretty much a boring day so I decided to go fer a walk at northpoint. Wanted to buy those Air Plants but...I haf dis urge to buy a Bonsai plant..Need some greenary in my room. Perhaps next time. I dunno wats wif me n Bonsai, Its kinda spiritual! *lol*
Had my first Pappa Roti or something like dat..Ok lah not bad..Everyone seems to be buying it..It has a kind of rich creamy taste. I think dares caffine in it. Coz i'm feeling kinda perky. Well, i walk here n dare..Nothing much..Got home decided to watch Sembilu 2005..
Watching the show, my temper slowly fluctuates but of coz lah towards de end..da farewell, uwaaaaaa...khekhakhakha..
Y do we even bother to Love if we know it may not last!!!
I realise dat with da right keys, its easy for one to fall in love, but leaving it or being left by it, it'll leave one unforgetable scar which may change one's life forever..
I ask myself, if dats da case, den why do we easily fall in love? Y do we even need to fall in love?
Beauty is undeniable n unavoidable. No one can resist at da sight of beauty. But can one honestly go beyond looks n go fer inner beauty or interllectual?
Me for instance, I've been asking so many questions...Obviosly i ain't ready to fall in love again, maybe not now maybe not ever. But y is da door of my heart knocked easily? could it be temptations? For those who haf experiance love, undeniable it is, to experience the beauty of it. how one completes u..how one can lift ur mood wif a touch. but wat is Love actually? Could it all be lies?
tak boleh dinafikan permulaan cinta itu manis...Tetapi kepahitan itu lebih perit hingga saat saat romantis serta kenangan manis boleh dilupakan dengan sekelip mata!
I would really like to find da person of the same brain frequency as me. One who can read each others mind. obviously it imposible!!! khakhakha..Coz i'm one unique guy u knoe! muahahaha
I've locked all doors, n promised myself, she who can unlock da doors n bring happiness to my life, i shall bewed her!
Some say i'm too choosy, I say, lom ader jodoh! ;)
Seriously I aint ready fer another relationship fer quite some time..Dares sooo many things to explore in dis world..
For now, I love the time spend wif my frens, be it new or old!
May God be wif us all!

BaTmAn BeGiNs

It Begins...

Just got home from GV! This show RAWKZZ!!! Its beyond wat i expected! It ain't da typical BATMAN show! This one is more to the real world where technology can do wonders! I've forgotten how i LOVE Batman! In short this show left me SMILLING n given me a sense of satisfaction!
So ya DC comic lovers, dis show is a MUST to watch!
I found out i ain't da only one who watches movies alone!!! Its kinda fun to watch da movies wif a full pax! Kinda make da place lifely n not lonely!

ITS NOT WATS UNDERNEITH U DAT MAKES U WHO U ARE, ITS WAT U DO THAT DEFINES U

a rAiNy mOrNiNg

Good Morning!
Woke up to a sad n angry dream! Wats worst to a rainy morning! Ayoh! Plus my colleague's granny just passed away! Innalillah.. My condolences..
Perhaps its rahmat fer da arwah..Hmmm..
Pretty much a slow sad start of da day...Hopefully it'll turn out better later on.
Lack of sleep, coz yesterday temankan dis penguin on da phone..*LOL*
Till 2 or 3 am, i was fighting sleep, in da end, after putting down da phone, i immediatel fell asleep with my pc n lights ON!!! Ayooooo...

tHoUgHtS fEr dA nItE

An almost Good morning...
I though lagu jiwangs will make me sad, but its all da english songs in my pc dats killing me...haaiizz..It was d/l by her..
Listening to Keane..She loves dis song..khakha..i think i'll sadden myself to sleep tonight.
Something is amiss...Something is not right..I sense something has happened n it hurts me dearly :) Oh well, i hope she's happy wif her life now. Am i curious to find out? Nah..It'll hurt me even more.
Looking out the night sky, wow its red. Been a long time since i walked in the rain. Rain is rahmat from God, when it suddenly rains, n i'm caught in it, i rarely run from it. Not always, u feel God's touch n greatness.
I can't help feeling something is not right..
Yesterday, one of my colleague was ill. After getting to know him better(usually in da gym), turns out he's a pretty kewl guy. He's got a body every guys n gals want. Plus he's a breaker (b boys), boxer n a fireman! He's one of the frontline ppl! An asset to the rota i would say. He won the recent competiton at youth park...Fer his solo, he got 3rd..He named himself madagascar! khakhakha..it was funny..Oh well, as i was saying, he was ill wif a throbbing headache. Something moved me to massage him..Its been so long..but syukur alhamdullilah, i found all da urat dat was necessary..but dare was something else too.....
I slept at the mussolah alone at werk..I coul'dn't sleep..usually it'll be cold, but dat night it was hot..wierd..Realise i was not alone..khakhakha...Tawakal..Only in da morning prayer den i heard its voice..Ain't sure whether its it or...khakhakha...
Oh well, kewl encounters...i miss da angel like encounters..khakhakha..i mean visits from da above..I think i must haf sinned myself too much since! khakhakha
Nitez peepz..
Wassalam

pUtErI gUnUng lEdAnG

Finally watched this movie again!
Beutiful beautiful beautiful movie. Ahhh.. Y can't love be this pure these days! ;)
Ain't it beautiful the way the persilatan was presented? Graceful but deadly! Da way M nasir brought the character to life, wif its adat, persilatan, maruah and most important of all, dignity and humbleness.
Stories haf been told of great fighters who's reputation is not only well know for his skills but also his humbleness and adat. These are the ppl whom i admire. Be it malay or indon. Especially those who fought in the name of Allah.
It will be an honour if i am to be chosen to bear the traditional sacred art of silat! Be it indon or m'sia, in its true n pure form..To harmonise oneself wif the environment, physically, mentally and spiritually!

sLeEpinG sPeLL

good noon!
just got back from werk..nothing much happened..except fer some interesting close encounters of the errie kind! *LOL*
well, firstly TOO THOSE PEEPZ WHO WERE CONCERN OF MY WHEREABOUTS, thanx a million..I was like under a spell! i fell half asleep n cant wake up..ayoohh..till now..so tired..
almost miss a call yesterday! ayoh..must be some sign..must look into it.
i think today i'll go into hibernation...muahahha
ony sadar at 2am de other day. my lil sis msg, chat fer awhile..yeah rite! till 5 am! den it was off to werk! *mampos* *lOl*
got to know her a lil better! no wonder we connected so well! she got indon blood n its very strong. sekali related eh! ayoh...small world..
Yoz lil sis! i happy dat u found ur love, as of ermm...8 of jun right? khakhkha..lucky number i hope ;) u stay happy ya.. n if ya ex treatens ya again, dun keep it to ya self dis time.. ;)
TO my ex-xishanites cliques,
Dun despare, if not many ppl turn out fer da picnic. wats important, we're dare enjoying ourselves! ;) (looking forward to da picnic)
BY DA WAY! I GOT DA COURSE! KHAKHAKHA...SHHSSSHHH..TELL YA ALL ABT IT WHEN I FINISHED IT! ;)

wAt i DiD tOdAy...

Yoz...
In da morning was kinda happy..coz its pay day(advance)...Asked Im to go to the movie to watch "Mr & Mrs Smith" at noon. In the mean time i had breakfast..my colleague's treat! After which I went to purchase some polo-Ts and tees..obviously all assosiated wif my work! kinda collectic da diff designs.
Then its off to home...before that, made a pit stop at bike shop to pay some debts! Feels like a never ending payment!!!
Went home, relax awhile dey outz again..Meet Im, movies, den off to causeway to settle some bills again...
A HEAVY load off my chest after settling everything...now I'M BROKE!!!
Did I mention da movie was NOT BAD! A bit draggy, but i LOVE da plot, two couples already strayed apart, released anger n kill each other, ending dey found wat dey lost..LOVE! kinda wished dat happened to me! muahahaha
After dat went to eat at LJS...we tapau ate a civic ctr...It was kinda cool..I think somehow we're bonding a lilitle..Its was my first movie wif my guy fren(after soo long..usually go alone)..LOL..It was wierd..but cool..Found out he shares da sme frequency as me..almost.. ;)
Got home, then I finally decided to got to my cuzz engagement..y not..its a bit complicating..
CONGRATES TO THE BOTH OF DEM
Guess wat..
My aunt asked y i never bring my ex along..
When am i gonna get engaged?
Questions Questions..Questions..Put a fake serious smiling face..
Found out, lat mth my fren got engaged, last last mth my enemy got engaged,
Well, i wouldn't blame dem, him actually, he prob haf better relationship skills den me..Look at where i am..ALONE!
Now i cant smile, nor be sad...But dares a tiny aching which is growing in my heart..but i'm too tired to feel it..
wat ever it is..
i'm happy for all of them even my enemy...even my ex..for she has been imprisoned by me fer 6 yrs..
FLY MY LOVE...FLY...
SOAR INTO THE GREAT HEIGHTS..
MAY ALLAH BE WITH YOU ALWAYS..

ps: i'm too exhausted to be thinking or typing nice stuff..khakhakha..wat talking me?

a tRiBuTe tO a dEaR fReN

Another truth unveiled...

The tragic love story of a friend,
Friends dey haf been fer yrs,
Only Last yr dey confessed,
True love indeed...

Alas they haf to part for he has to study abroad,
It was den da truth unveils,
He was diagnosed with stomach cancer,
Little time was dare left...

Next month, his bday could haf been,
Her heart fills with sorrow,
Tears accompanied her all her nights,
For she will never forget his last words...

Her love is so far away yet close to her,
An advice to a dear friend I gave,
His grave maybe far beyond reach,
Pray for him and HE will bring him closer to u.

A tragic love it is,
Far worst than mine I suppose,
For I'm willing to trade places,
So that u may experience the beauty of love happily ever after,
That I'll grieve happilly ever after at her grave...

To a dear friend,
You are one lucky Gal,
For ur love ended in beauty,
For Allah loves him..

You have with you an ethernal LOVE,
Treasure and cherish the moments,
Keep close to HIM,
For HE will be closer to him.

AL FATEHA

wAt a dReAm!

A Very Good Morning again!
Wow! wat dreams i had...Firstly it was abt you knoe who...Met her, talked to her, but in the presense of her parents..and my parents. Both from a dist. How dark she has become. Could it be her Qarin? Questions after questions I ask.. More disappointing answers I get. Oh dear what have become of her.
The other 2 were super scary..First was dis errie, old large shop house like..the funny thing is i turned out in uniform but me and one more person..To cut short, there were dead bodies, all mutilated by dis unknow being..Nak cakap cik kak bukan nak cakap jin pun bukan..Wat ever it is, i glad it was over..
immediatedly after dat i turned out in an apartment, again the same thing... But the funny thing is its situated at a cemetery...AND FOR THE FIRST TIME, all da ppl I see are dead ppl (they look normal). It was kinda scary coz dey dun know dat i'm not one of them..Dis apartment, is so clean, so grad, so beautiful! which makes it even more SCARY! I only managed to get into the house. But I was by the door as something told me if i dun, the door will shut and i'll be locked. At the entrance itself, neck kembang so much dat it was almost unbearable for me.. The first location already drained my energy..It was unbearable, so I called for help..It was too intensed that i retreat..i RAN!!! Dat feeling is the feeling I get when a super cik kak was ard..If i'm not wrong dat apartment belongs to u ehem..Not an ordinary ranking cik kak..
Wait a min, I think dare is a 3rd dream but its a bit fuzzy..Something about 2 old schs built in one. Dat thing dated hundreds and hundreds of yrs. From the exterior it look small, but it has many many passages.. Then it was something abt this hundreds of devils, and one person whose creating it...............
How real was the dream? A pinch in da dream will be felt by me in the real world..May even leave a bruise.
Was it all just a dream? Or did my soul actually travelled to do some deed or to train preparing... I guess my gut feeling last night was true after all.. Memang ader tetamu tak diundang.. Someone was playing..But who? Who haf regarded me as his enemy... I haf only a few hunches..

To those disbelievers, I pray one day u see what I see!

hEeDiNg eLdErLy'S aDvIcE

Good morning!
Just woke up...Remembered this advice from my father, while in anger, if one cannot cool off,
if ur standing, sit down;
if ur sitting, lie down;
if ur still angry, sleep;
if ur still angry, wu'duk;
So far so good...just a little groggy!

It is said, if one dat is given a temper n able to control/contain it, will be well rewarded.

sLeEp oVeR iT?

I thought I could sleep over it..Guess not, somehow its still bothering me. Am i over-reacting? The thought of his sarcastic remarks played over and over in my head.. This sucks... Gosh I'm really annoyed..

a ShAbBy dAy iT tUnRnEd oUt aFtEr wErK

Alas!
Finally decided to blog..All in all yesterday's shift was pretty much ok. Except when it was almost time up from work. This collegue of mind..came nagging, giving sacarstic remarks about something that happened unintentionally...Or shall I say accidently! I managed to contain my anger..but..maybe I should look into this matter...

a MiNi gAtHeRiN aT mAc uP nOrTh

We had a mini gatherin or shall I say meeting. Gee, Mar, Im, Mi, Lasman (by chance, i could barely recognize him) and Hafiz. Man was there by chance while Hafiz decided to drop by. We are planning some up coming events..So keep ur eyes peeled! Khakhakha...Hopefully with the will of God, it'll be successful Insya-Allah.
By the way, you peepz should have been there to see this stranger(old chap) fell from the stool then he went crazy and kick all the stools. And not to mention he shouted..LOL it was funny!

rEcAlLiNg tHe pAsT

I'm helping Gee do an article about NS life in MALAY! Of all lauguage! I recall those days of hardship, arguments, betrayal, and worst of all, the fact that she was not there.
Even when I was posted to CDA to begin my next phase of training, it was not easy for me. But to me, the most memorable is being with my brothers in CDA. There we sweat, suffered, argued and bonded! I miss them a lot. It was towards the end when she came back to my life. Out of the blues again. Then, my spirit grew stronger, no longer tearing to sleep, no longer aching in the heart. It was then i felt complete. Trained extra hard, after u know it, I was a regular! A passion for fire fighting and rescue developed in me! The most beautiful memory was my pasing out. We made a video of our training for our passing out (which is now lost, no one had a chance to make a copy). The sense pride was too great that most of us weep in silence.
To make the night more complete and beautiful, were the presence of my family and my ex!
Oh dear God! I thank you for returning her to me even if it was for a short while. I cried in my heart as my father put on my new rank. There, a new phase in my life have begun...
TO PROTECT AND SAVE LIVES AND POPERTY

FiNalLy GeTtInG eNgAgEd

Ahh..
Got an invite from my aunt, my cousin getting engaged this Sat. From my aunt! Hah! Oh well, lots of things have happened. Me and my cousin were very close. He and his fiance to be are together for a very very very long time! They were declared Romeo and Juliet back in Sec sch. Ahhh...They went through worst den me...But my cousin fiance to be is a very very very strong woman. i pray for their happiness and future.. Moga percintaan mereka di rahmati Allah. Moga kehagiaan hingga ke cucu cicit. I'm not sure if I could attend the majlis. Its a bit complicating...Haiizz... :)

I'm happy for the both of ya!
God bless!

rEnUnGaN...

Yang dekat itu MATI,

Yang jauh itu MASA,

Yang berat itu AMANAH,

Yang ringan itu SOLAT,

Yang tajam itu LIDAH.

Imam Ghazali

gOoDbYe mAy

Finally!
Good Bye May...
A month filled with stress,
physical and mental endurance,
and most of all, the lost of a love one.

She was everything to me,
my friend, my sister, my love.
Once again she has lost her way,
what she has become now I dun knoe.
For the better I can only hope.

"He took away one but gave me more"
I use this phrase to console myself,
For each day it seems I'm loosing faith in Him.
What have I become? What have I done?
What will happen to me? What am I to do?
Questions, questions, questions

A bitter person I've become,
Resurrected from the past,
An angry, Vengeful person I am...
What have I done, What have I done...

Good Bye May,
I bid u farewell for now.
I hope u bring beautiful memories in time to come,
but for now, finish my work I must,
So I can totally let go of May!

A warm welcome Jun,
For I am glad u are here.
Oh, how happy i am to see u,
I hope u have brought happiness for me

To all those who stood by me,
in my times of insanity,
i bow to u, for ur deed shall never be forgotten,
Brother, Sisters, Pls accept my humble apologies,
If I have offended u in any way.