31st August 2005, Wednesday Night

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good eveinn to all!
The wheels in my head has begun to spin. I realise dat I aint getting any younger! Its time fer a proper savings! *lol*. Operation "Cost efficiency" is underway! Trimming loose ends here and dare. Insya-Allah, I'm able to trim the roots of my PROBLEM! The 2YRS CAUSE OF FINANCIAL FRICTION!

BUT! There's always a but! We humans only plan but HE has the FINAL SAY! Hahahaha..
I can only pray that i'm doing the right thing and that all will go well! Insya-Allah.

I just realise something, did u knoe dat ur certificates such as O'level or NITEC or Dip of watever lah has an EXPIRY DATE!!!! GOSH!! Dat SUCKS!! I found out dat ur O'Level expires in 3 YRS!!! So now my O'level is just a piece of JUNK PAPER! *SIGH* Its actually more fer those who wants to continue their education via MOE. Like goin back to Poly as full time student or something like dat. Aint to sure abt P/T students. Ain't too sure abt private institutions.

So, fer ya who's thinkin of stopping their study, think again! u only GOT 3 YRS oF VACATIONS! *lol* Oh yah, one more thing, ur cert will remain valid if ur werkin in ur related field ie. if u haf a dip in engineerinm u better be in da related field instead of werkin in some cafe! Its sooo disappointing aye? Now i knoe why dey say once ur out of the education sys its hard to get back in! *Sob..sob..

Thats so much fer now. Seems like i got lots of upcomin events next mth! no time fer my darlin i suppose..Take care n God Bless us all!

29th August 2005, Monday Night

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good evening,
I just watched dis indon drama, "Astargfillah". Its a drama based on past accounts. Today's show is abt how one uses sihir to break apart 2 lovers. Actually i watched a couple of episodes. How one uses djinn to create havoc n all. Wats so unique abt dis show is dat at de end of it, dis ustaz will recite versus from the Holy Quran n somewat give "pedoman" Masya-Allah. It is stated in the Holy Quran in surah AlBaqarah, dat such sihir exists, where hatred is used to break apart Husband n Wife, Wife n husband, and even 2 lovers. Masya-Allah. How zalim dese ppl can be. To misuse such abilities. Ya-Allah..Dare was one episode dat mirrors wat i went through in life. Masya-Allah. "Ya-Allah, aku bersyukur kerana KAU masih menetapkan Iman ku.."

Wat i wen through is nothing to wat dose ppl in Indon face everyday. Sihir is a part of their everyday weapon. I recall da time when i went to Java, no matter how nice one can be, its da heart dat matters. Its hard to say. They face hardship, poverty. The way I look at it, ONLY DA STRONG SURVIVES! Banyak pekara yg aneh2..

Masya-Allah, I am so thankful to GOD of my present life. Masya-Allah! Its rainin now! At night! ALHAMDULLILAH!

29th August 2005, Monday Evenin

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good evenin!
Just watched jap animae! "Legend of da condor Hero.." I'm like sooo attached to da show! Grrr..I'll be missing tomorrow's episodes. Unless I can reach home b4 10am da following day! grr.. Just like "Samurai X"..Grrr MUST FIND DA VCDS!!! ANYONE KNOES WHERE TO LOOK FER IT?????

Anyways, Its soooo windy da whole afternoon. It'll be beautiful to go picnic or just a walk by da beach!
Couldn't even concentrate on my game. Suddenly things r getting hard. n my head is like aching! Plus i'm feelin sick. Oh yah, by da way, my sis got fever since like last week. Now she's suspected to haf dengue fever! Sigh..Just sent her blood fer testing. I 'm like sooo in a dry spell!

I was feelin so letargic. Feel like falling sick. So, I got up, took a shower n went stright to da recreational field! Hahahaha..Went fer "leisure" run/jog. Took a slow jog one round da field stop n did some streatching. den i decided to run round da estate! HAhahahah.. Psychologically it HELPS!! IT WERKS!! Ran passed da swimming pool, up da polyclinic, passed SAFRA passed da community centre, passed GV n all da way back home! A total of abt 15mins of run. Felt like 2.4 km of slighlty less. Hahahaha.. Dats just da beginin. Planning to run further up! Its better den running rounds. if u ain't mentally prepared u easily give up. I Remember da run at ubin during my OBS. 10 clicks was FUN! hahaha..Da scenery/atmosphere really does make a diff! i pretty much enjoy my run today. Feeling good rite now. Speaking of which, grrrr..I haf not iron my uniform! Take care ya peepz!

29th August 2005, Monday noon

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good afternoon!
Wow! Spliting headache! Didn't sleep fer like 36hrs. Got back from werk yesterday, couldn't sleep. Guess aint use to it. Lazy ard pretty much yesterday. Played my game "ROME-Total War" hehehe..

Evening yesterday was pretty much unexpected. My darlin's evening class was canceled so we decided to meet. Din know where actually. I was havin a throbbing headache by then. Hahaha..always cracky abt goin out late evening. Decided to go to ECP. Missed da sunset of course! Hahaha..

Sat by da water breaker. WoW! The tide was coming in, the wind was sooo strong n cooling. It was perfect. I could almost sleep dare. hahaha.. But of course by den, rodents n roaches n other walks of life were out scavenging fer food! I was worried dat i might get cranky n all. But thank God i wasn't. I'd say we had a great time. Darlin was laughin n all. I guess she deserve it.

Anyways, when i got home, after washing up n all, it took less then a split second n da tv was watchin me! hahahha.. Black out totally! Got up in time fer my fav jap animae! "Legend of the condor hero..." Something like dat! I MUST source out dat VCD n PURCHASE IT!!!! missed quite a few episodes! Tomorrow oso be missin it! :(

Its back to werk now. Kinda groggy rite now. I wonder how my frens are doin. Kinda miss em all. how I wish we could like make an overnite bbq, camping kirekan! With yesterday's setting! Ghost stories! hahahaha..Mesti best! Actually yearning to organise a chalet. But getting da ppl dare is a prob. hmmm..Tu lah..leceh..Masing2 busy dgn hal masing2...

Aight! take care ya all!

28th August 2005

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

THE LONG WAIT

On the 26th of August 2005 may or may not be da last day or my 7 weeks course! It was my test! I haf been talkin abt courses n all. U must be wondering wat it is all abt rite? Its actually a Class 3 driving course at CDC sent by my werk. Yupz! In other words! Its my TP TEST!!

My test was at 4.30pm meaning my warm up is at 3.30pm. But i hafta report at ubi at 12.30pm just to sign attendance! So i thought i could proceed wif my Friday's prayers, it has been awhile. So i though! Boy was i furious when he din't allow! hahaha..

The wait was mentally toturous! I din worry much till da day itself. I did dream abt my test, being anxious n worry but it wasn't my class 3, it was my bike TEST!!! hahahha..Crazy!!
So, as I was saying, I NEVER WANNA WAIT DAT FREAKING LONG AGAIN!!! Hahaha..
The warm up? IT WAS DISASTEROUS!!! I STALLED DA ENGINE SEVERAL TIMES!! The clutch was not only near but da idling was set very LOW!! hahahaha..

Buuuutttttt, Syukur Alhamdullilah, I JUST PASSED MY TEST!! It was aborderline pass but.. I GOT MY QDL CLASS 3!!!! Alhamdullilah!!!

Yeah..yeah..da desire to buy a car is dare! NAh not goin fer those mazdas...Its either Honda or Toyota! Hahaha..Got Good Lobang oso!! Wif full body kit n all..Racing bebeh!
BUTTT!!!!! My heart still yearns fer ma bike! I guess once a RIDER always a RIDER! Oh well.

Sat, i hafta report back to werk. Its suppose to be Tues but..Tak cukup org.. Takpe lah. Had a long holiday. WOW! Heard its been really busy! So many cases! Missed all da actions! Speaking of which, I hafta build up my stamina back sigh.. Hahahaha..

I'm like missing boo like crazy..but I just received a msg from my ex. *Sigh* Its like everything is goin fuzzy. Like a war of emotions turmoilin inside! Was her bday sumdays back! Shhhssss..
If boo reads dis she be like "Bagus lah tu, genapkan 10" hahahha.. :p

Hows me n boo? Fine I guess, I think she obviously LOVES ME! hahaha.. But boo, u gotta learn to filter n COOK! *lol*
by da way, guess wat! SHE INVITED ME TO HER ANNUAL D&D party! NO ONE has ever invited me to such thing. And oso SHE invited me to her frens wedding! Or issit her fren invited? hmm..Cant really remember! Prob is, Her frens dad is a fireman. Sekali gue kenal! MAMPOS! ahahahaha..
PLUS I DUNNOE WA TO WEAR TO DA D&D!!! I dun feel like goin..*Sigh* De next day is like my werking day..grrrrr...
Oh yah, my colleague is oso getting MARRIED NEXT WEEK!!! ALL HAPPENING LIKE NEXT WEEK!!! *Sigh*..And I'm like in a DRY SPELL!! Thanz to da TRIP up n down ubi!!! *SIGh*..

I think i should burry myself n hide till my next ehem..on da 12th! hehehe..Shit! its sumbody's bday! 2 in fact! Shit! hehehehehe...

24th August 2005

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

So..
I FAILED MY IPPT!!! Everything was ok, was either Gold or Silver..Halfway through my 2.4 run, it rained sooo darn heavily!!!
I was frezzing shit! Den suddenly i started to slow down. My mind became weak n sumhow i gave up.. Sigh..Its a shitty feeling knowing dat u can make it but u gave up. I fail my 2.4 run. But at least i completed it. Sigh..

I was neither angry nor cranky at all. I have been loosing my temper lately. I remember scolding boo abt smtg. I know she misses me, but u can't expect to be hogging on da phone all nite! She teared. *sigh* Oh well, at least i know she has a heart! *grins*

I hafta comment, dat night b4 my Ippt, i wasn't really myself. Worried abt sooo many things. Abt werk n all. She said da sweetest thing no one has ever said, "Dun worry too much k, i got it all under control" or sumthing like dat. Implying dat she has werked out some solution abt my worries. And dat she just wants me to focus on finishin my course.. Dat made me smile n felt a sense of security n comfort. I slept like ababy through da night n woke up a new person! ;)

I sort of made peace wif my instructor. Although i tried to pretend things were normal but i sumhow feel as if i haf a grudge against him..Hahahaha..Oh well, we did shook hands. I guess dats wat happens if ur too serious wif ur werk n not take care of wat u say. Wat do u expect! He's an ex policeman! Brutality is in his blood! hahahaha..

22nd August 2005

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

If I were to be in POWER, Today I'd declare a PUBLIC HOLIDAY!
Today is da SHIITIEST DAY! Like I woke up on de wrong side of ma bed! Actully da sofa. Slept outside..
I havin dis loneiness, sad kinda worrysome feeling. Like da time when i was due for NS..Shitty feeling. Wats worst, my instructor almost got FUCKED by me! HE WAS ALREADY HAVIN SOME PROBLEMS AT HOME N ALL!! N ITS LIKE HE'S TAKING IT OUT ON ME!!!FUCKER!!
LUCKILY I"M DA TYPE DAt like to give in..sighhh..
I WAS REALLY BOILING..
but thank God I could control it..Sigh..
Fucked up day I'd say.. Tomorrow's IPPT..n I din make any preparations..Sigh..Wow! Using da F word..hahaha..
Kept quiet da whole day. Guess everythings bottled up.

This mth macam2 dugaan. Financially, mentally, spiritually..SIgh..So many unforseen circumstances occured. Oh dear God..

Even yesterday my outin wif ehem wasn't really an enjoyable one. I wasn't present mentally n spiritually i guess. Its like I somewhere else. Even today. I maybe physically present but its like my thoughts n vision is clouded..unable to focus..Ayoo..Sighh..

I'm gonna try to seen if playing game helps..But i doubt so..sigh..

21st August 2005

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

A very GOOD SUNDAY MORNIN TO ALL!!
I know, I know..U must be thinking wat da hell am I doin so early up in da mornin! Dats coz, i get a call from my STN HP! In my deep sleep, tgh mimpi nie..leh bual, "tu bukan bunyi alarm, tapi familiar to HP tone.." APe lagi tersentak lah bangun! Rushed to to da phone! geuss wats da first line I heard, "u r activated for physical reacall.." (computer generated voice). Tak kah terperanjat! I got an appointment at 1020hrs n i hafta report back in 15mins! Even if I take cab it'll take too long! Even if my bike is out, its still insufficient time! Tu RACING GILER!!!
Luckily, my fren immediately called me to tellme dat HQ canceled da recall! Gosh..By den da keluar mandi dah! Mandi SUPER COWBOY! heheheh..

Now i'm like starrin at da quote above..I realise how it actually is reflecting on my life..blog abt it some other time..Still reflecting! addious!

20th August 2005

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good evening!

Thanks u all fer asking abt my mom. She's walking as if nothing's happen. Thogh i know she's still in pain. Had a scary dream last night. I used to werk in de airport at da departure belt. Whereby passengers aftercheck in their bags will go down "us" whereby we will scan den put in da container. So i was werking, den da supervisor came n said I hafta do da special belt. So i just went, n da wierdest thing is dat its covered! by like a curtain! So i slumber went in n scan all de bags. Da scanner denied da bags. So i just put em one side n scan da rest. Den came da superviser n said, dese are VIPs n dey r all ready. SO i rescan again n it was good to go. I load em up da container.. As i look at da bags, dare was a connection. It belongs to someone i know. The whole lot of em! ANd the destination or journey was a rather long one. Like to pilgramage perhaps? Or somehthing even worst? Sighh.. I woke up..Den..Only to haf found out later my mum had rather disturbing n worrisome dream as well. And my cats were all acting wierd. Like da sombong cat sleeps wif my mom n all. Plus I think yesterday was my late grandad 3yrs anniversary! I dun wanna wonder so far but..If ur in my shoes, u'll understand!

Sepaking of cats, yeah. All da pets in dis house even da fishes! Has sum form of attachment. Something goes wrong or someone gets sick or somehting bad abt to happen da "residents" will "act-up"! Kinda kewl. N SOoo sweet! I remember once a long time ago when i lost my temper n scolded my sis. Da Eldest cat came n stop me coz i was hitting my sister..oppss...hehehe..

Kids dese days, soo stubborn..Not like de olden days where fear was instill. Dun worry i aint da abusive type..Only when my mom cant control den BIG MONSTER COME IN! Usually i slow talk..see da reaction n situation.. n oso da times when i was heartbroken, da cats will sleep wif me, n meow to me..hehehe..as if dey understand. at pt of times i think dey do..Oh well, wat am i babbling..

Anyways, hmmm..I 'm bothered by manusia! hahahaha.. Homosepians! even myself! Alamak! suddenly lost da mood to blog abt it! hahahaha..

Its more of da irrihati ppl n da things dey do fer revenge. Sigh..Kinda lost abt wat to blog. Tgh nasihat my lil cyber sis!

Den its de other issue abt sleep. Seems like da more u sleep da more tired u get! Where's da POWER NAP whenu need it! Da one when u totally blacked out n wake up feeling super charged up!

Ayoo my mom's caughing..better go see..

19th August 2005_Night entry

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Harloo!
My mom's up n walkin! YEEAAAH!! ALHAMDULLILAH!!
But she's still in pain. Thinking to send fer full check up. Waiting fer reply fer nursy bettlebug!

My last entry must haf hurt ehem..dearly..I'm sorry..Well, i did explain! hehehe..
Yupz, i'm like smiling a bit. But..deep down still worry.

My IPPT due soon..dis 23 to be exact! Tomorrow hafta WACK MYSELF UPSIDE DOWN!
Dats all fer now. I'm like so tired..

May God be wif us all. God BLESS!!

19th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good morning!
Sigh...Yupz feeling gloomy. Woke up to an intimate dream wif my ex.. Had to fight my way to wake up! Sigh.. Must be da result of uploading pics to frenster i suppose. Stumbled on some files abt my past. Opened it n *BANG* emotions set astirred. I've always believe in an honest relationship, which is why i msg boo just now. But is best dat i blog it down. If she wishes never to know, den i hope she be upfront wif me. Den i just keep it a secret.. Abt wat ever dat might hurt her i mean..

Actually da most worrysome thing right now is my MOM! Sigh.. She's ill. Something abt her stomach. Last nite, she bled instead of her normal bowel. Took her to de doc.. He said it was "wind" but..sigh..It aint convincing enough! She's still lying down. I'm like soo worried.. My intuition is telling smtg but i just dun wanna listen! I hate it when my intuition is RIGHT!!!
I'm so scared n so worried.

I dun feel like meeting anyone.. Not even Boo! At dis pt of time, i cant stop thinking abt my ex. Perhaps she was once a part of my family. I dun think so i'll be goin to lil Sue's performance! So sorry sis.. I'm like feeling messed up now..

Boo's been very patience wif me..Even at times i haf trouble expressing myself..Thanz..

18th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very good morning!
Its a very cool morning.. I heard 2 of my colleagues r goin fer da overseas mission o Sumatra. Sigh, I lost my oppurtunity. Wats worst, now my rota short of 2 ppl, i may hafta come back fer werk. Sigh..Just hafta keep my fingers crossed! Hopefully everything will go smoothly.

I realise dese days my mind in more into buisness. I hate all dis buisness stuff by recently it seems to haf caught my attention. Yesterday was an exposure to franchising buisness. (aint sure if dats wat u call it). With my interest in computers and biomedical engineering and working experience in F&B and civl service, wat will u get? hahahahaha.. All dese ingredients u mix, I wonder wat recipe u'll get. Hahahaha.. Which reminds me, my dad once talked to me abt Petrol kios! Which is also a franchising buisness! N my mom once talked abt kedai makan! hmmm...

Recently I saw Universities advertising courses in da newspapers. Boy am i tempted! Sigh! Its dis bloody bike of mine that is causing a financial friction! Wat a Fuckin bad investment! 2 YRS of no riding n i am still PAYING IT!!! Fucked up lawyer whom i think is too lazy to persue in anythin! Whic reminds me, i hafta to to the NPC to dig up some info! Luckily fer me, my instructor was an ex police officer. He was in investigation department. Hahaha.. He gave me sum tips..hahaha.. ME? Private investigator? jeng..jeng..jeng..!!!

At times i really feel like selling my bike! Firsly it has memories of da past! Secondly i'm just too angry of paying fer nothing! And dat STUPID BIKE SHOP OWNER!!! I RECOMMEND U NOT TO GO TO THAT SHOP!!! LIAR2 PANTS ON FIRE!!! Or maybe SHOP ON FIRE!!!

But if i think of it, i already spend so much money on da stupid bike. And i'm almost done wif da installments! In other words IT WILL BE MINE SOON!!! Sigh..God gimmie a sign...

Wif dat out of da way, den i can finally go back to school! Part time of course! Then it'll be da issue of diploma over A level. Den it will be da issue of courses..Bla bla bla..last of my worries!

SHOOT! I haven had my breakfast! I RUNNIN LATE FER WERK! SLAMATZ!!!

"Kecik" Gave birth to 4 adorable kittens on the 5th of August 2005. 

Look how small it is! Like a hamster! 

10 days old 

10 days old 

10 days old 

10 days old 

A tribute, to my cyber sis!

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Ok! so dis is like an emergency announcement! I got 2 cyber lil sis! One is lil dragon n de other lil aina! So sis aina, dis entry is fer u, so plssss dun be engry n like assume dat i'm ignoring u! I couldnt access frenster! n i'm like sooo busy! if it was really urgent, u could haf like EMAILED ME! ;) hehehe..
A lil something fer u..

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

16th August 2005

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good evening!
okok..today a liltle bit excited to blog! Something EMBARRESSING HAPPENED!!! Dare was dis voluptios gerl at da kios, i was behind her..I told her dat she haven log off..So i logged off n continue wif watever i wanna do..So half a min later she tapped me n said she wanted to go to da toilet, n i was astonised! She said i told her to wait fer her, i smiled while on da phone trying to call boo, n said no, i said u forgot to log off! hahahahaha...AYOOOOO so EMBARESSING! A LOT OF PPL WAS DARE!!!
Of course boo was jelous! Hahahah..LOve making her jelous! hahahaha.. So many chix today! WOW!!! hahahaha.. Yang ferring n tak ferring.. Macam2 arr. Dese days gerls r so fierce n daring! hahahaha.. Kate org tu kan, kalo single/heartbroken, satu minah pun tak nampak! tapi kalo da attached! MACAM2!! DUGAAN!! Nasib baik i setia orangnye! Ape nak buat! Nasib BADAN!!! hahahaha.. Boo kalo bace, tgh marah kan? hehehehe.. (MAMPOS)
Okok..fine, i know menyampah kan yg lain bace? hahaha..i received a CALL from HQ, telling me to go fer OVERSEAS MISSION TOMORROW!! WOW!! FUUUYYOOOOO!!!!
BUTTTTT I'm on COURSE!!! N I SIGNED N AGREEMENT STATING DAT IF I WIFDRAW HAFWaY or FAIL i HAFTA PAY $3k!!! DA FULL SUM!! SIGH!!! AYOOO..by da way its to sumatra! hehehehe.. kewl huh? Bi;er berangkat? BESOK!! da macam James bond! hahaha.. ayooo..Better luck next time lah.. hmmm...
Aights! dats all folks..enough excitement fer one day! TIme to CONQUER DA WORLD!!! Game of course! ROME - TOTAL WAR!!!