NBH( May u rest in peace!)...
Someone whom I pledged my love and my life to...We declared as one on the 28.04.1999. It was a sweet innocent love back then but it turned out to be something even more beautiful. As the years go by, I was more convinced that she is the one...To be my ethernal partner dunia akhirat...Someone who will carry on my generation...
As any other relationships, there are bound to be aruguments, misunderstandings,mis interpretation. Year in year out we endured and persevere to keep our relationship. Without fail, every year there is bound to be an enormous obsticle. At times, when I'm not strong enough to overcome it, she will do it..likewise when its her turn.
This is not the first time she disappeared into thin air, then out of the sudden, she wants to part. Time and again, I've endured and take it as if it was a test from above. Slowly, painfully I learnt to accept, swollowed,and somehow try to forgive. I'm amazed at myself for being able to accept someone who has 'menzalimi batinku'. Able to accept someone who has done something so dispicable..that I think no one in my shoes would...
She disappeared few months back when I needed her most. She was my only friend the world. Perhaps that was my biggest mistake. She came back..seek forgiveness and pledge never again.."Honesty and sincerity" on 23.10.2004 somewhere near the Esplanade. That was the last straw, after finding out what she has done, I still swollowed it and accepted her thinking that this was it. I finally got her for life!
But today, I'm sitting down infornt of my PC, pouring out my heart, wondering what went wrong. blaming myself for what has happened. She sms me yesterday, telling me that its over, that it was all a big mistake, that perhaps she was just clinging on to me while waiting for oppurtunity to strike. *LOL* Ya Allah..
The 6yrs are but dust now..I've got a whole drawer of her photos and I don't know what to do with it. Its funny how one can forget everthing and blame it on mistake. *LOL*
I know her too well, even better then herself. She is so easily terpengaruh dengan kata-kata orang. Seolah-olah tiada pendirian sendiri. Dengan sekelip mata azamnye boleh tukar. Mudah sekali terpengaruh dengan perihal dunia. Dalam kemarah semalam, I told her the truth about her..."Semangat lima minit"..*LOL*
This senerio I have gone through..Yup, most of our break-ups are but repetitions. I have not told my parents about this. I don't know how..Da last time I told my mom..She cried in secrecy seeing me tormented.. I have not spoken to my parents for weeks now. I just can't...
Perhaps all of these are but to show me that she is not strong enough, not meant for me.. Perhaps, perhaps not. 6 yrs of your life, is not something you would spent and then throw it away. Perhaps this is a sign from above to complete what I've stopped. To carry on my journey in the holy path..For once I almost choose the path of a Sufi..But...
Dalam sekelip mata, Istana impian ku telah musnah. Part of me wants to pray for her hapiness and Part of me wants to pray for her destruction..Astafirghllah
Aku bersyukur kepadaMu Ya Allah! Kerana kau tidak tinggal kan ku dalam kegelapan..Kau masih lapangkan dada ku..kau tidak ambil Iman ku seperti dahulu.
What is the difference between she leaving me then and now? Now I've found my long lost friends from Xishan! Not to mention my long lost crush! (Her strong persue in Islam has given me inspiration and earned my respect.) All this happened by chance prior to the disappearence of NBH. Come to think of it, God is by my side. Ya Allah, what are your plans for me?
I've found my long lost circle of friends. Not forgetting my new cyber friends. Not only that, but I've got 3 new sahabat! (i rarely use this word, to me its more than a best friend, more like family, someone u'll defend and fight for). Mar, Gee, Sue..not forgetting my disappearing Noraida (mane ko setan!) *LOL*. The more I relate to them, the more I realise that we're on the same boat, travelling in the same path towards the same destination except for the fact that some of us do not know that we're in the boat..kerana lalai..
I've yet to find sahabat lelaki. The closest one I can relate is my 'Encik' but he's more like a father to me. Wah..I got 3 fathers now! One original, the other is another 'Encik' when I was a trainee. *LOL* Perhaps one day Allah will kurnia kan a brother to me!
Perjalanan kite menuju Allah, penuh batasan, penuh dugaan, penuh pengalaman pahit dan manis. Dalam perjalanan itu difitnah, dipersendakan, dikutuk, dikhianati dan berbagai2 lagi. Tapi aku bersyukur kepada Kau Ya Allah kerana Kau bersama ku, kerana aku masih berdiri dengan Kalima "LAILLAH HAILLAULLAH".
Someone whom I pledged my love and my life to...We declared as one on the 28.04.1999. It was a sweet innocent love back then but it turned out to be something even more beautiful. As the years go by, I was more convinced that she is the one...To be my ethernal partner dunia akhirat...Someone who will carry on my generation...
As any other relationships, there are bound to be aruguments, misunderstandings,mis interpretation. Year in year out we endured and persevere to keep our relationship. Without fail, every year there is bound to be an enormous obsticle. At times, when I'm not strong enough to overcome it, she will do it..likewise when its her turn.
This is not the first time she disappeared into thin air, then out of the sudden, she wants to part. Time and again, I've endured and take it as if it was a test from above. Slowly, painfully I learnt to accept, swollowed,and somehow try to forgive. I'm amazed at myself for being able to accept someone who has 'menzalimi batinku'. Able to accept someone who has done something so dispicable..that I think no one in my shoes would...
She disappeared few months back when I needed her most. She was my only friend the world. Perhaps that was my biggest mistake. She came back..seek forgiveness and pledge never again.."Honesty and sincerity" on 23.10.2004 somewhere near the Esplanade. That was the last straw, after finding out what she has done, I still swollowed it and accepted her thinking that this was it. I finally got her for life!
But today, I'm sitting down infornt of my PC, pouring out my heart, wondering what went wrong. blaming myself for what has happened. She sms me yesterday, telling me that its over, that it was all a big mistake, that perhaps she was just clinging on to me while waiting for oppurtunity to strike. *LOL* Ya Allah..
The 6yrs are but dust now..I've got a whole drawer of her photos and I don't know what to do with it. Its funny how one can forget everthing and blame it on mistake. *LOL*
I know her too well, even better then herself. She is so easily terpengaruh dengan kata-kata orang. Seolah-olah tiada pendirian sendiri. Dengan sekelip mata azamnye boleh tukar. Mudah sekali terpengaruh dengan perihal dunia. Dalam kemarah semalam, I told her the truth about her..."Semangat lima minit"..*LOL*
This senerio I have gone through..Yup, most of our break-ups are but repetitions. I have not told my parents about this. I don't know how..Da last time I told my mom..She cried in secrecy seeing me tormented.. I have not spoken to my parents for weeks now. I just can't...
Perhaps all of these are but to show me that she is not strong enough, not meant for me.. Perhaps, perhaps not. 6 yrs of your life, is not something you would spent and then throw it away. Perhaps this is a sign from above to complete what I've stopped. To carry on my journey in the holy path..For once I almost choose the path of a Sufi..But...
Dalam sekelip mata, Istana impian ku telah musnah. Part of me wants to pray for her hapiness and Part of me wants to pray for her destruction..Astafirghllah
Aku bersyukur kepadaMu Ya Allah! Kerana kau tidak tinggal kan ku dalam kegelapan..Kau masih lapangkan dada ku..kau tidak ambil Iman ku seperti dahulu.
What is the difference between she leaving me then and now? Now I've found my long lost friends from Xishan! Not to mention my long lost crush! (Her strong persue in Islam has given me inspiration and earned my respect.) All this happened by chance prior to the disappearence of NBH. Come to think of it, God is by my side. Ya Allah, what are your plans for me?
I've found my long lost circle of friends. Not forgetting my new cyber friends. Not only that, but I've got 3 new sahabat! (i rarely use this word, to me its more than a best friend, more like family, someone u'll defend and fight for). Mar, Gee, Sue..not forgetting my disappearing Noraida (mane ko setan!) *LOL*. The more I relate to them, the more I realise that we're on the same boat, travelling in the same path towards the same destination except for the fact that some of us do not know that we're in the boat..kerana lalai..
I've yet to find sahabat lelaki. The closest one I can relate is my 'Encik' but he's more like a father to me. Wah..I got 3 fathers now! One original, the other is another 'Encik' when I was a trainee. *LOL* Perhaps one day Allah will kurnia kan a brother to me!
Perjalanan kite menuju Allah, penuh batasan, penuh dugaan, penuh pengalaman pahit dan manis. Dalam perjalanan itu difitnah, dipersendakan, dikutuk, dikhianati dan berbagai2 lagi. Tapi aku bersyukur kepada Kau Ya Allah kerana Kau bersama ku, kerana aku masih berdiri dengan Kalima "LAILLAH HAILLAULLAH".
BISMILLAAHIR RAHMAANIR RAHIM
RABBANAA HAB LANAA MIN AZWAAJINAA WA
DZURRIYYATINAA QURRATA A'YUNIN WAJ'ALNAA LIL MUTTAQIINA IMAAMA.
SURAH AL-FURQAN AYAT 72
Ya Allah, berikanlah dari isteri-isteri dan
zuriat-zuriat kami orang-orang yang menjadi idaman hati masyarakat, dan
jadikanlah kami menjadi ikutan bagi orang-orang yang taqwa.
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