21st February 2006

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Good evening.
I just got home from quite a travel ard singapore! Actually after my coz from Jalan Bahar all da way to CCK den upper srangoon den back to boon keng den to bencoolen makan place den hm! LoL..along da way my fren's bike ran outta fuel, luckly i spotted him..Hehehe..

My morning started off wif a surprise sms from my ex. Asking fer my erm or rather our previous bike's plate no. Apparently sum1 bought it n its sumwhere near her place..
I ask her how she was and when's she's gonna settle down. And guess wat! Sumwhere in 2008! Not de ans i hoped fer..*grins* I told her, "He must be sum1 special to haf opened ur heart to marriage." And she replied "He inspires me".
I wonder in my past did i ever not be da perfect person..I know towrds de end i became some1 super negative. A bitter person i suppose. I wonder how i am now..I mean towards boo. At times i haf been cold towards her. But to tell ya da truth. i think dats only 1%! hehehe..I always get angry especially on da road whenever i manouve in traffic and suddenly she moves or da things she carries causes da bike to move and i hafta take evasive action. Dis kinda things, really scares da shit out of me. Sumtime i feel like askin her to ride and i sit behind. haha..small issue u think? be in my shoe! I'm surprise dat ms ex remembers my/our bike no. We had a near death exp on dat bike. DAT I DUN WANNA RE-LIVE IT AGAIN!!! ( boo...scary u knoe..)And i remember crashing several times out of anger fer her. haha..how stupid back den. how Naive i was.
Memories..memories..Sweet Memories. How it hurts..How it tears you. "We once thought we were made fer each other but in the end we were just stepping stones" dis is wat i msg her.."It would be an honour to attend ur wedding even though i'm not the one sitting beside you" sumwat da final sms. Sooner or later, she'll be terminating her lines n disappear.
I guess dis is the key word or rather the key event i've been waitin 4. The phrase or rather the action dat states dat dare is no more hope, no more room left. Time to move one. Dun get me wrong, i haf moved on, just dat at times...hahaha..hope..hope, false hope. Sumtimes to just wanna make sre its really over..
To heal one's heart you hafta forgive. Especially urself. I've been blaming myslef fer da past yrs dat has gone by. Only God knows. So much so dat now i dun recognize happiness and even love ..dat is right in front of me. My heart has close. God forgive me. only HE knows how much tears my darlin has shed while knocking da doors to my heart.
Everyone's ard me is getting engagged or plan fer marriage. Even my ex. but i'm nowhere dare. i used to but..At times i just feel dat i'll be rather happy bein alone. Sumwat like punishin myself..Kate rg dulu2, bawa diri..I know a few who are like dat. Too heart broken til dey grow old alone. I dun wanna be like dat either.
I dun think so i'm ready fer marriage even boo if i may say so myself. Too much responsibility. i'm da eldest and my responsibilty falls on my parents and siblings coz i'm de only son. boo's de ONLY CHILD! So question is, where do my responsibilties fall? Its too scary to think of. Dats not de only issue. Dare are lots of others. Wat abt my goals or ambitions? Haha..scary..

BOo's planin to go overseas wif her gerlfrens and i'm like...erm..sigh..I'm not saying she cant go, neither i'm sayin she can go..hmmm..just in da middle of nowhere. I dun wanna stress myself any further. So many things coming up. i'm just glad i cleared my exam. just waiting fer da results. While waitin, i gt field ex and final ex coming up da next few days. Den sun back to werk wif HIGHRISE ex!! Sigh...

Boo was sweet yesterday tryin to cheer me up or rather pujuk. hehehe.. I actully zonked da min i lay me head on da bed. She called and started yecking abt overseas and dis and dat...Sum how half asleep i got pissed off! Who wouldn't! Da tought of gals goin overseas to sum 3rd world country bla..bla..bla..especially half asleep, or rather 3/4 asleep..ayooo...

Sumtimes i do miss her..maybe coz of our werkin schedule. it spells out NO TIME! hahaha..I tink most of da time i'm just too afraid to commit. Love is a scary thing..It poisonous..and contageous! SAY NO TO LOVE!!! YES TO SEX!!! Den again wat is SEx witout Love? Den wat abt LoVE withOut SEX??? hahahahahahaha... Dun worry ladies and gentleman, i'm not a horny sex maniac..just a ssleepy guy wif a corny joke..Addios amigoes!!!