sPiRiTz's lOcKeR

GiVe mE bAcK mY nOsE!!!

2007-05-16T11:02:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

A very Good Morning! Attempted to run after my nose n I almost blacked out! In my red t-shirt, blue track pants, boots and my identity card (just in case if I collapse), I was determined to get back my running nose! Crazy u think? Yesterday was even worst! I'm the type that dislike to report sick and not mention, rarely fall sick! So yesterday morning, as usual, morning routine before going to work. I was feeling crappy, but I was determined to push on. Just as I was about to step out, it downpoured heavily! Perhaps it was a sign telling me something. Me being persistence, I ignored and was about to step out of the house when gust of winds n thunder came repetitively! So, maybe HE's telling me something. So I called in sick. Procedure for my work place, is that, even if you're on MC, you are to report to work and stay in unless its really bad. I waited for the rain to stop den proceed to TTSH A&E..

I have been under the weather fer about a week or so, with fever and cold running on and off. I guess I must have picked up a rare strain of the virus from my sister. Unfortunately, i got dis OLD, NAGGY, ANNOYING, STEREO TYPING doc! Who probably things, that I'm a kengster serving my NS! Boy was I aggravated! As usual made complains and highlighted her my abnormal lower right abdomen pain (kidney area) and irregular bowel movements..Thats when all sorts of test and japs were administered! I was almost HOSPITALIZED!! Seems like a good thing!*smiles* Took me 6 hrs before i was finally released! Wat a biarch! That was the most unpleasant experience ever! I have to agree with what they say, if someone who rarely falls sick, falls sick, it will be an UNPLEASANT SIGHT!!!!

This portion goes to my darlin's fren who's brother passed away yesterday. Coincidentally, the news came about while i was about to step out of the house, the part when the gust of winds and thunder came spontaneously and repetitively. Apparently, the elder brother was hiking somewhere in Malacca when a tree fell and hit his head while he was sleeping. (this was da latest info at dat pt of time, my apologies to the departed if the story defers).
My condolences to her and her family, Salam Takziah.

cOuNtIn dOwN dA dAyz!

2007-05-12T08:57:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Oh my GOD! Oh mY gOD!!!
Counting the number of days...When o when will it come! Cant you just fast forward time n get it over n done with! Excitement equates decision making which in turn leads to HEADACHE!!!

Leave it for time to decide. Wow, r we getting money again in July or smtg? Sounds like, take some n give more if u noe wat i mean! I've been a good boy staying at home doing NOTHING!!! Bored man! Still haven watch spidy~darlin's been busy lah...Dese days rarely catch movies..

I'm on leave today, and i woke up da same time as i normally do. I think its my biological clock dats oredi set. Tick, tock, tick, tock, peek a boo! Wakey, Wakey! As you can see, i'm blogging utter rubish, den again who ask you to read! haha..

Oh yah, forgot abt da upcoming cameron highland trip coming soon. Yupz another ride up trip to cameron. I think after dat, dare will be a trip to genting + KL and a trip to PEnang! Sheezz..temting as it is, i haf to wait dis mth end den decide!
Wat a biarch..(sshhss..nanti ade org terase!!)

Haha! i'm honored that u got access to my blog n actually read my rumblings! Well, here r sum facts that i think u got it wrong:
FACTS:
1) I've gotten over u lah...kwang..kwang..kwang
2) I wasnt disrespecting ur parents, just dat when i saw em, it was sad da way dey look at me, makes me wonder wat poison u haf intoxicated..
3) I was pretty much a peaceful man till da day we met wif ur so called husband, u gave me da attitude dat brought back something frm da past dat i've long forgotten..
4) and yes, i'm attach thank you very da much kepo...

A small tribute to well, u noe...Speaking of which (back to blogging) how do you ppl find frenz who date/steal/court frenz gf/bf? Fer some, its hard to accept but fer others, wat da hell, upz ur hole, its ur conscience!
No, i'm not intending this to anyone, serious..i encountered 3 incidents dat made me think:

1) BF taken frm best fren of the same circle of frenz. best thing is dat she endures, swallow her pride n pretend nothing happens. I suppose becoz of her broken heart, she's still single n too hurt to find a new. My respects fer her courage n dignity!

2) fren of a close fren of the circle courts fren's fiance! Wats dat all abt!? They all say da same thing, just frenz, but as dey say, frenz pun ada batas, correcto? Pity him seeing him fight fer his relationship..

3) A close personal comrade of mine, lost his fiance to his best fren, our cirlce of frenz..Dat mother *beeepp* (mothers day dok, tak baik) has done it b4, to most of our frenz n now..after doin it to my comrade before, he strikes again! But of coz, dis time he won..Lucky biarch! hahaha

I'm a strong believer or karma and destiny. Its up to the individual who he/she can date. One can just admit dat all dose were puppy love or wat so eva, but y deny to urself? Wounds will heal but scars will not, experience u will gain. I agree dat peace is always da best option. Sumtimes, ppl will swallow their pride n feelings just to prevent war! I believe thats not right. You shld stand fer wat u belive in.
Lets take senerio no 3, we all gew up together, basically we're childhood frenz, God noes wat u've done. Most of my frenz were shocked n angry wif him, but fer me, i believe dat he's got da rite to be with her but my anger lies with dese 3 point:
1) Has he got anything to do wif the break up during the crisis?
2) He could haf at least talk things out first wif my comrade n be a gentleman, declare his feelings
3) He shld haf waited fer awhile b4 striking (give sum respect), it only shows dat all dis was pre-planned

Life can be a biarch..even worst if the guy who left u fer another gerl, is trying to make a come back discretely! Wow! dat has got to hurt!

Dats enough blabbering fer da day. Just my 2cent worth!
Cheerz to all, enjoy ur weekends n HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

mAy dAy!

2007-05-03T01:08:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Labour day was greeted by families by da beach havin a picnic. This time round was quite diff. Not all were able to be present but the sense of fun and tranquility was undeniably dare!
After breaking "camp" sometime late evening, we all decided to go to expo fer this indon exibition. There, i met my gf n her family, n aslo my ex parentz! Boy were they arrogant, din even want to look me in da face! Wat i ever do to them? Its not like i betrayed their daughter or something..ItS their daughter who's da biarch! I wonder wat lies haf she told em. Oh well, I'm a strong believer of karma...as da song goes, "wat goes ard comes ard..."

Da day ended of with a late dinner at a coffee shop in the northern side..All in all the day was a good one. Family bonding!
nitez to all!

2007 Oredi?

2007-04-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Greetings everyone!
HAPPY SUPER DUPER BELATED NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!
So wats my new yr resolution? Erm, no idea! Though I aspire to travel da dist on my 2 wheeler!

What mischiefs haf i been up to? Nothing serious, except i sold my bikes, bought a car den bought a 400cc bike and now tempted to buy class 2 bike! Crazy kan? like got lotsa money!
I've been searching high n low, find out what i like doin, i keep arowana, cats, birds, tried cycling, gaming, etc, seems like it all aint me. Den i finally realise smtg, all this while, under my nose, my passion is with bikes, be it machine, biking-touring to trailing to track. Dares this burning desire to be the best, to be a somebody. Looking at the market, aint much demand. hahaha..
No i'm not those kinda rempit racer type. I'm more of the science part and of course, i aspire to perfect my handling in general/emergency/evasive skills..

So how passionate am i? This may seem a crazy goal fer sum, but one day, i want to travel da dist all by myself. Like a journey to find oneself. When i say dist, i dun mean dose 'kucing kurab' places, i'm talking abt beyond thailand. Heard of others reaching Burma, cambodia etc. Kinda kewl don't u think?

Guess wat, I met my ex gf and her so called declared husband! Da 6yrs relationship dat gone sour...Wat ever for? To transfer starhub accounts. The darn irony was dat it seems as if i was signing divorce papers! Best part, when i wrote da date down, i realise it could haf been our 8th anniversary! Sadist rite? Of all days..I still feel she's a sadist biarch..I think she got a few screw loose in her brain..hahaha

Enough of my boring past, waste my 6 yrs+++
I been transfered out to another station as of 1st jan 07. As a new appointed specialist..its was tough settling in. da thought of transfering out was constantly echoing in my mind...I'm just trying to survive now. i dun really knoe wat to do with my life. Biking seems to be an alternative to keep my morale high up and forget abt werk n life.

i think i rambled enough, time fer me to knock off.

Peace upon u!

Rainy Season?

2006-12-20T13:27:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Assalammualaikum my brothers and sisters!
Greetings to all of you out there!

Its been a super long time since my last confessions! muahahaha!
Its my PC lah, Crashed again. Cant be bothered anymore. Currently enjoying da sun at my cuzz crib. Life has taken through unexpected journey through narrow streams. Its wierd how God test his subjects. WHen you think all hope is gone, then there's light!

I sold off my KTM after i torn my ligament. hahah..i miss trailing. What happen after dat, got myself a 4 wheeler! crazy right? I dunno wat went through my head when i got it except to bring happiness to my family n those ard me. Indeed it has.

What heppen to dat small bike of mine dat brought me to melacca? hahaha..well, lets just say, i got an itchy hand! hehehe..

The journey to enlightenment aint an easy one. Searching yourself aint an easy thing to do. At times you doubt your own abilities..and ask WHY?

People are suffering ard da world and you ask yourself wat can u do to ease the pain. "Bencana Alam telah tiba, akan datang mungkin lebih dashat. Marilah kita berdoa sama2 agar semua selamat."

Adventures n Misadventures

2006-09-06T00:16:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Greetings everyone!
I'm the type of person who lives by da day. Mostly forgets events almost instantly unless it sumhow has a significant impact. Even so, these memories will be shadows in an instant. Kind of what you call "cloudy". Which is why i like to keep photos (stangely i dun really like to take photos of myself), i like da surprise/shocking feelin as i brouse through the photos, n memories flashes in my mind! Things i did but forgoten. People whom i met. Places where i've been.

So today i'd like to share with the world wat a small adventure i had and a misadventure that lead to my injury!
Few mths back, after getting my class 2a license i was tempted to upgrade my bike but the thought of waiting fer class 2 was more practical at that point of time. I wasn't craving for speed nor touring. I wanted to do smtg diff frm da guys. i wanted to learn in depth true control and manuveres on 2wheels. Coincidentally a fren was letting go his KTM LC4, a 400cc 4 stroker also known as thumper, mean machine with da weight of a horse!! This old bird is more den 10 yrs old but flies like vrrrrroooommmmm....hehehe

So i told da guy i'll get ur bike only if ur willing to teach me to trail!!! He's dwn grading to a more powerful evil 250cc 2-stroker. Dats when da adventure began! Scray as it is, da height, da weight da POWER da SOUND!!! Wicked!!!

I still remember da 1st trip to plentong, at jb, GOSH HOW MANY TIMES I FELL!! not to mention HARD!!! Further to da spice it was raining! imagine da slipperyness!!
Painful as it is, its worth it! I got home my whole body aches like f%$&!!! I couldnt move wifout feelin da pain!!

Fer those who haf no idea wat nonsense i'm tokin abt, i took up trailin in da forest or rather plantation sumwhere in jb. Not by foot but on dirt wheels! Basically i learnt to handle da bike on difficult n slippery situations..untill...my last trip, on da way to kota tinggi via dirt, i crashed hard while evading from my friend! My right foot sumhow got stuck to da dirt while flyin off. It was over den. I was in agony. I noe it aint a fracture coz i had some b4..I got myself together n tighten my boots to minimise da pain.

I got hm safely, opened my boots, to my surprise, my foot doubled its size right before my eyes! In my heart, "mati..mati..mati.."hahaha..Got to da poly, den to da hospital..bla..bla..bla..i got a ligament tear! DEY WANTED TO PUT SREWS IN MY FOOT!! So, i disappeared! hehehe..Currently learnin to adapt to my new foot. On n off it hurts lah.. Takdir ;)

Hear are sum of the photos..enjoy

Rise from the ashes!

2006-08-31T14:27:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Peace upon all of u!

Its been like wat? mths? so much has happened since my PC crashed. Lookin back i dun even noe where to begin! Adventures i had and not to forget da mis-adventures as well dat landed me wif dis permenant injury..Dis coming Sept is gonna be super darn busy...As da song goes, "..wake me up when sept ends!" i cant wait fer it to pass! Looking out da window now, dark clouds hoverin in fast. Its been a hot mth but dis kind of darkness is kinda scary. Reminds me of the show "Twister". Freaky. Perhaps its a gentle reminder dat da end is near! =)

Till i inspire to blog again, take good care of urself. May God be Wif us always.

rEcOvery fRom mElAccA tRip

2006-06-01T12:33:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Good afternoon readers! wOw! I still cant get over da fact dat i rode dat far! Right now, i'm in a delima, as to wheather or not to get a scrambler..hehehe..

Just imagine, to go trailin in da jungle! hhehehe...a new milestone!

so much fer dat..will be busy very soon. Werk stuff..Let me rephrase, SupEr duPER pAck till october! =(

Will be uploadin my very first photo album soon! hehehe..saty tune!

bAcK fRoM MeLaCcA!!

2006-05-29T13:23:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

I mAdE It!!! mY dReAMs cAmE tRuE!!! a 487 km jOurnEy fRom mY cRib To mELaCcA n bAcK! bEsT sTill ON MY X1!!! A 110cc BIKE!!!

dA jOurNey bEgAn onN 280506 aT abT 0830. wE wErE sUpPoSe tO meEt uP aT aBt 0730 bUt i gOt cAuGhT uP wIf sMtG aT wErK. yUpz wEnT dArE aFtEr wErK(24hRs) wIf LeSs sLeEp!!!

wE sTarTeD dA tRiP wIf bReAkfAsT aT JB wHiCh i tReAtEd cOz i wAs lAtE! hEhEhE
da CrUsInG sPeEd wAS abt 140km/h oN mY sPeeDo, on a bigGer bIkE iT wIll bE ABt 100-110km\h! vErY sLoW sIA!
hEhEhE..

i dUnNo wAt To bLog Abt, cOz picTurEs tElls a tHoUsAnd wOrDs..buT mY cAmErA bRokE dOwN hAlF wAy! =(

tAkE cArE!
eNjOy dA pHotOs..

mElAcCa??

2006-05-25T14:19:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

lIfE'S fUll oF uPs n dOwNs..sUmtImeS..fUll oF sHit!! hAhAhA...

dIs wEeKeNd oUt tO mElAcCa fEr a SupEr sHorT gEt aWAy..oN MY tWO WhEeLs!!!
eXicItIng..hEhEhE..lIke fEr oNcE cAn rEallY rUn aWAy fRm eVeRYthIn aNd fOrgEt eVeRytHin...lIke a sPeCiaL sElF tReAt! tO cElEbRatE mYsElfF oN cErTaIn acCoMplIsHmEnT dAt amAzE mYsElF..wOrK oF gOd sUm mIgHt sAy..nOw oFf tO sLeEp iN dIs lAtE aFtErNoOn..lAtEr gOtTa pRePaRE mY bIkE fEr dA tRiP...
sO lOoKiN fOrWaRd tO iT!!!

rIdErS nIgHt'S oUt

2006-05-24T04:14:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

gOod mOooRin! fEw hRs TimE ofF tO wErK!! sIoW lIaO! hEhEhE..wEnt to MeEt uP dA gIn gANg n wEnT to Al AmIn oPp bEaUtY WorLd..kewl..gOt oFfER..sUm1 wAnnA lEt Go KTM LC4! 400 Cc!! aNd iTs CheAp! fUyOO!! tEmpTin! hEhEhE..

aSk hIm tO aSk fEr mE!! hEhEhE..aFtER wHiCh WenT to Da oLd mAnsIoN At hIll vIew..crEepY lIkE cRaZY bUt tOO bAd lOckEd..kWanG3...mUst sEarCh fEr Da sTorY bEhInD iT..aNyOnE oUt dArE nOeS????

SeLf-trEaT

2006-05-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

hAd mY iPpt eArLy dIs mOrn..dIn rEaLLy pReParEd, aS uSuAl nEvER a GoLd mEdAlIsT..bUt sOoN InsYa-AllAh...hEhE..At leAst cLeAreD!!!
pREtTy mUcH oN dA nEt aFter iPpT...dEn iN dA eVe, DEcIdEd tO cAtCh A mOvIe...MI3!!! oF cOz aLonE..sElF tReAt kAte..gOt AnnOyIn kIdS ArD...gRrRR..hAf wAy bOdY wAs tIrEd sIa...gIvIn uP..

dA sHoW?
dArN pOwERRRR~~dIs tIme gOt mUsHy2 sTuFf =( lOvIng2 sToRy eNdEd iN A gD wAy..hEhEhE...

rEmInDs mE oF mY iMaGiNAtIoN bEcOmIn An iNtELLigEncE aGEnT! lol

lOvE n aLL iTs bULL

2006-05-22T20:25:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

yEaH...LoVE suckS..gUEss i mUsT bE curSed..rElAtiOnsHipS r a faIlUrE tO mE...jUst my lucK
..wIf rElAtIoNsHiP cOmEs lOvE, dEn jElOuSy, dEn iNsEcUrItY, nOt tO mEntiOn aLL dA dIsApPoInMeNtS..aLL dA hOpEs..aLL dA dReAms..nOt tO mEnTiOn dA mIsSeS, dA aNger..aLL dA nEgAtIvIty aNd pOsivItY of lOvE..I gUesS it cOmEs in A pAcKaGe..lOvE, sIgH..

sUmtImEs dUn U fEeL lIkE gIvIn uP..sO sAD So SaD..NOThIn LaSt 4EvA..oF cOuRsE u cAnT oBsTrUCt dA peRsOn fRm dOin wAt IT wAntS..lEArN iT dA hArD wAy..jUsT sWoLLoW iT aNd sOoNeR or lAtEr mY hEArT 'LL fAiL..gUes i'll dO wAt i dO bESt......yUp u gUesS iT, diSaPpeAr..nO nOt rUnNiN AwAy, jUsT bEiN wIf oNeSelF, hOpEfullY tO fInD pEACE..peRhAps, i'll aWakEn wHen i'M fOuNd AgAiN..eLsE..........

wAt A dIsApPoInTmEnT...

2006-05-14T19:16:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Haf u ever loved someone dearly dat u decided to stay away? Just to prevent things frm getting worst or becoz ur disappointed of smtg..Well, in life shits happens..you cant predict it accurately at times. N Sometimes u make wrong conter measures and things goes wrong!

Its bad enough dat sum1 dun really noe who u r, or wat ur intentions r, or wat u do for cryin out loud!
DUN JUDGE OR PASS UNECESSARY REMARKS DAT U ASSUME! ASSUMTIONS ARE THE MOTHER OF ALL FUCK UPS!
Wats worst dis person spoke in btw the lines! Y cant dey just be direct..HaH! I guess wat annoied most is wen dis person said how easy my job is..hahaha..bla..bla..bla..something abt busy n all sort of shit lah..mostly in btw da lines..Old ppl..wat dey noe..always judging by its cover. of coz bein me, i could haf created a scene but..just smiled all da way..so disappointing..so nonsense..
Wat can i say..just do wat i do best..disappear!

Long time no see!

2006-05-06T00:13:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Greetings and salutations!
Wow! Been a really long time. Just got my pc formatted recently. Alot has happen since my last entry. Impossible to summarise i suppose.
My persian cat almost died, had some sort of uterus infection. She was bleedin as if having mensus fer like 2weeks! Fortunately took her to the vet in the nick of time. Has a surgery and removed it. basically had to spay her.
I guess dats one of the shockin news..hehehe
Besides dat, I upgraded my license..haha..ermm..
Currently i'm on course fer like 3 weeks or so. yupz the final stage of my course i suppose. Wait up fer da headlines dis coming jun or july! Hopefully i'll be all over the news! ;) *yeah rite*

I'm cutting down of my outside activities. Seems like i've neglecting those close to me and even myself perhaps...Not enough time to even reflect on myself. Now dat i got the chance, i dun even know how to start.

had a demoralising incident de other day at werk. But...classified stuff..hahaha.. Go buy strait times and read fer urself..

By da way my cuzz getting engage tomorrow! N my fren getting married. wats de odds of dat?

kwang..kwang..kwang...
Take care readers!

27th March 2006

2006-03-27T01:55:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Wanderin ard central s'pore all alone seems kinda aimless, but it helps me destress. It sumhow reflects the emptiness and the loneliness inside me. Things I've yet to understand. Riding dese days aint da same..Now, paying particular attention to road names and my sense of direction. It aint easy but i haf to put in effort. Now dat i'm turnin out alone.

Went to watch Kallang Race dis morn rite after werk wif my cuzz. WOW! Could it be me next?

25th February 2006

2006-02-25T10:31:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

All seems outta place but I'm sure when da dust settles da purpose is revealed! A desire to study has engulfed my heart but da path is too smoky to see. noting is acertain at dis moment as da new breed of specialist is underway. Whether or not it will be established is another question. If it does..How dangerous is it? No insurance can cover it. If da threat so happens, we haf but only one chance of survival. Y? Y do we do dis? The ans is very much simple. Fer our family, fer our loved ones, fer our frenz fer our nation. If we were to go, we go knowing we made a difference. We are but only humans. Forgive us my frenz forgive us God. Remember us always, not as heros, but as frenz who gave our lives so dat u may haf a better one.

24th February 2006

2006-02-24T20:41:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory".

Finally! Graduated from course!
Wow! How time flies.. Now its back to stn life =( A wholes mth of werk is waitin fer me...hmmm..
Nothing much to blog abt today. Probably coz i'm too tired i suppose..
take care..

23rd February 2006

2006-02-23T21:31:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

FINALLY!!
I JUST FINISHED MY FINAL EXERCISE!!! It was super HOT and tiring! We had 3 consecutive incidents to wrap up our course! At the end of it, he told us our results, comprising of our theory, hands on and exercise!

I cant believe it. So young in da force and now i'm a specialist. Alhamdullilah Syukur...My body is aching like hell. Did i mention i just got home? hahaha..at abt 2100hrs!! We waited quite sum time fer our dorm key. dis dimwit returned da key wifout anyone's knowledge! F*&%! lol..

Msg boo i passed but..hmmm..disappointing reply. Perhaps she's too happy out wif her frenz..Wateva..

Tomorrow's my graduation or rather my passin out. Told my mom to sow on da velcrow fer my tag..hehe..Maybe i should go out and celebrate..álthough i'm kinda super exhausted..Syukur Alhamdullilah..

22nd February 2006

2006-02-22T19:35:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Dey say time heals all wounds. but can one really forgive and forget? or perhaps forgive and remember? Even worst..Forget but never forgive!! how r u gonna ans in ur after life? Sum ppl uses anger to overcome dis feelin. Sum uses sorrow to flood it..Sum would even go to the extend of vengence! God forgive us all...

When a person is all forgivin and patience up to the brink, dun be surprise da fact dat u haf lost ur wild cards! no more room fer forgiveness. hehehe..Wow.. Which is y trust is the up most of importance. To receive one's trust is like holdin his/her life in ur hands. Its a living thing! To break it is to kill it. It can be as simple as 'meeting time' or as deep as ur secrets. Another word fer it, 'amanah'. Dis one word tells a million. its weightage in de afterlife is far too great fer one to bear. how many promises haf u broken?

i had quite a hot tiresome day. I'll bet tomorrow'll be worst. Found out a few of my frens fail their theory. Which is y i'm goin to help dem in a min or so. Its also a gd way to recap watever i've learnt. after all, knowledge is POWER!
I'm not sure how i'll fair in my overall performance. Insya-Allah.

Fer those who is lost to wat i'm goin through..Actually i've been selected to be part of the new breed of specialist. in order to be one i'm currenly bein trained to be a HazMat specialist. Wat it means? Harzardous Materials..bla..Bla.Bla..hehehe..Dats all fer now. i dun like to blaber abt my werk life in cyber world. addious!

21st February 2006

2006-02-21T22:47:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Good evening.
I just got home from quite a travel ard singapore! Actually after my coz from Jalan Bahar all da way to CCK den upper srangoon den back to boon keng den to bencoolen makan place den hm! LoL..along da way my fren's bike ran outta fuel, luckly i spotted him..Hehehe..

My morning started off wif a surprise sms from my ex. Asking fer my erm or rather our previous bike's plate no. Apparently sum1 bought it n its sumwhere near her place..
I ask her how she was and when's she's gonna settle down. And guess wat! Sumwhere in 2008! Not de ans i hoped fer..*grins* I told her, "He must be sum1 special to haf opened ur heart to marriage." And she replied "He inspires me".
I wonder in my past did i ever not be da perfect person..I know towrds de end i became some1 super negative. A bitter person i suppose. I wonder how i am now..I mean towards boo. At times i haf been cold towards her. But to tell ya da truth. i think dats only 1%! hehehe..I always get angry especially on da road whenever i manouve in traffic and suddenly she moves or da things she carries causes da bike to move and i hafta take evasive action. Dis kinda things, really scares da shit out of me. Sumtime i feel like askin her to ride and i sit behind. haha..small issue u think? be in my shoe! I'm surprise dat ms ex remembers my/our bike no. We had a near death exp on dat bike. DAT I DUN WANNA RE-LIVE IT AGAIN!!! ( boo...scary u knoe..)And i remember crashing several times out of anger fer her. haha..how stupid back den. how Naive i was.
Memories..memories..Sweet Memories. How it hurts..How it tears you. "We once thought we were made fer each other but in the end we were just stepping stones" dis is wat i msg her.."It would be an honour to attend ur wedding even though i'm not the one sitting beside you" sumwat da final sms. Sooner or later, she'll be terminating her lines n disappear.
I guess dis is the key word or rather the key event i've been waitin 4. The phrase or rather the action dat states dat dare is no more hope, no more room left. Time to move one. Dun get me wrong, i haf moved on, just dat at times...hahaha..hope..hope, false hope. Sumtimes to just wanna make sre its really over..
To heal one's heart you hafta forgive. Especially urself. I've been blaming myslef fer da past yrs dat has gone by. Only God knows. So much so dat now i dun recognize happiness and even love ..dat is right in front of me. My heart has close. God forgive me. only HE knows how much tears my darlin has shed while knocking da doors to my heart.
Everyone's ard me is getting engagged or plan fer marriage. Even my ex. but i'm nowhere dare. i used to but..At times i just feel dat i'll be rather happy bein alone. Sumwat like punishin myself..Kate rg dulu2, bawa diri..I know a few who are like dat. Too heart broken til dey grow old alone. I dun wanna be like dat either.
I dun think so i'm ready fer marriage even boo if i may say so myself. Too much responsibility. i'm da eldest and my responsibilty falls on my parents and siblings coz i'm de only son. boo's de ONLY CHILD! So question is, where do my responsibilties fall? Its too scary to think of. Dats not de only issue. Dare are lots of others. Wat abt my goals or ambitions? Haha..scary..

BOo's planin to go overseas wif her gerlfrens and i'm like...erm..sigh..I'm not saying she cant go, neither i'm sayin she can go..hmmm..just in da middle of nowhere. I dun wanna stress myself any further. So many things coming up. i'm just glad i cleared my exam. just waiting fer da results. While waitin, i gt field ex and final ex coming up da next few days. Den sun back to werk wif HIGHRISE ex!! Sigh...

Boo was sweet yesterday tryin to cheer me up or rather pujuk. hehehe.. I actully zonked da min i lay me head on da bed. She called and started yecking abt overseas and dis and dat...Sum how half asleep i got pissed off! Who wouldn't! Da tought of gals goin overseas to sum 3rd world country bla..bla..bla..especially half asleep, or rather 3/4 asleep..ayooo...

Sumtimes i do miss her..maybe coz of our werkin schedule. it spells out NO TIME! hahaha..I tink most of da time i'm just too afraid to commit. Love is a scary thing..It poisonous..and contageous! SAY NO TO LOVE!!! YES TO SEX!!! Den again wat is SEx witout Love? Den wat abt LoVE withOut SEX??? hahahahahahaha... Dun worry ladies and gentleman, i'm not a horny sex maniac..just a ssleepy guy wif a corny joke..Addios amigoes!!!

19th February 2006

2006-02-19T19:38:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Good evening!
Few hours to my exam and i studied no shit! Sigh..Dunnoe wats become of me. Surfed ard fer courses offered be poly fer part time. SP is still da best offerin "pure dip"ulike TP and NP offerin Dip in Tech den u pick ur specialisation: (chem) (biz IT) or smtg like dat..haha..

All these planning I dunnoe if it can be executed. Life's like a train ride, wif so many stops but always on da move. Not to mention hurdles here and there. I dunnoe if I can make it tomorrow. Sumhow it'll make a diff in my life. Like a cross road, but dis time it makes da decision u haf to only wait.
I tried studyin, since yesterday. but sumhow nothing is registering. De other day was amazing, able to digest in a snap. Perhaps I've used up da "magic" hahaha..Its all in da mind! its all in da mind! Finishin up my cup of coffe den off to study..

Small minds are much distressed by little things. Great minds see them all but are not upset by them

16th February 2006

2006-02-16T16:10:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Ahhh! Greetings!!
I'm on MC today! Been a very long time since i've taken an MC! hehehe..Y? Energy kinda low and tomorow's my prac test!!! Mon's my theory test!! Werk is calling me from stn!!! GRRRR!!
It all spells out STRESS!
Just one more week den i'll pass out! Ayooo...
Din know chemistry could be sooo fun! hehehe..Nope, I'm not back at sch but actually attending a specialist course. Its all back to basics, chem, maths, bio physics..hahaha..Well, more of a pinch of this and that plus lotsa memorising werk! All da equipments and detectors and procedures..Fooyooo..
And not forgetting ENDURANCE!!! Physical and MENTAL! AGGRRRGGHHH!!!! Ayooo..oppss..Back to my studying..shhhsss..

07th February 2006

2006-02-07T19:29:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Evening Alas!
Thy blood still burns in fury despite a tiresome day. A walk which will leave ur mind and body to part. Under the scorching hot sun in ur fully encapsulated suit made of some kind of rubber, u walk carrying a load which seems to get heavier and heavier by the minute. Ur arms weaken ur neck stiffen beyond tolerance ur mind starts to sway around and u keep telling ur body to go straight...Then.. Almost at the end when my air supply was cut off! I tot i ran out of air and panicked! Gasping for air I took out my suit...Mission Failed.
I was grouped as one of the failures. A WEAKLING! my blood boils wif anger. Even worst, i found out later that somehow my air supply was turned off. how could dis be possible? An act of God? but y? Wats in store for me? Wats the meaning of all this? My mind and body remains restless till i get my "retest"..Anger..unsatisfied...

5th February 2006

2006-02-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Hi..
Wow! Its been sooo long. I dun even know where to begin. Life's riding faster then an aeroplane. One minute ur problem solving the next ur trying untie a misundertanding. Be it at werk or in ur social life. But i thank God, that in the mist of my unpredictable vast challenges, HE still rewards me wif fun and friends. True ones I suppose. One tat understands when ur busy one dat lends a listenin ear when ur in need. One dat creates a fun atmosphere just to make u forget ur problems ur conflicts ur pain...
Believe it or not, I've been to more then 3 camping by the sea in such a short time span. Family and friends. Each has a memory of its own. I suppose the most memorable one was at changi beach. Out of the blue we called eached other and decided to pitch up. And dat was late evening! LoL..Sumhow it happen. Although dare were some misunderstandings. I suppose its part and parcel of life. All these misunderstandings. Its a matter of how u wanna look at it. To ignore it and pretend nothing happen? To confront it diplomatically? Its a difficult thing to do i agree but not an impossible task. One haf to swollow one's ego to make the first move. Either dat, or put up thick skin..
I'm sure u would agree wif me, Friction occurs everywhere anywhere and anytime. Its a matter of how we lubricate it.
I just came back from bbq cum camping as a gatherin for ex xishanites. It started of wif a huge load of friction. I dun even know how to begin..I dun even know wat i did wrong. Just da words still lingers in my mind. A "fren" said such harsh words. In the first place i wasn't even talking to her knowing sumhow she was in a bad mood. Of all ppl, i still cant believe it came from her. I din realise my frens changed so fast...even Heard opinions from others ..Well its her life. Sometimes ppl are put through harsh rides dat makes one change, to become cold n bitter, coz dey need to haf a strong heart. Not to weep n give up in harsh times. But of course such changes will haf negative impact. I still feel so sad. AS if i've lost a fren and a long wif it a brother...Wierd..I felt a few negative vibes from several peeps while at the pit. Even from ppl whom i bear a grudge because of my past. How i ended up dare? hahaha..I had no intention of coming to da bbq but..well, i miss my frens..den i accidently saywzamzam! At da traffic light near Still rd. So i tot why not...The first face dat greeted me wif happiness was Gee! She was wif her fiance or is it bf? hehehe..One of the sisters i miss..
The whole gaterin din start off wif a good foot. Plus i made some bad impressions..So i think dis will be da last of its kind for me. I'll do wat i do best, stay busy and disappear..to stay in da outer circle. dat way i'll cause lesser damage! ;) Wats worst, it was boo's first overnight n well, it din turn out quite well..Disappointing..
One thing fer sure, ms bettle n mr tweedle seems to be madly in love! I'm happy fer them. knowing the depths of mr tweedle, i'm sure ms bettle will find comfort n strengths in him. God is all knowing n fair. He gives one a harsh ride in life n at the same time a comfort dats priceless..Love..

Love..something i am searching for. no i'm not yearnin fer my past but da magic of it. i seem to haf lost my defination of Love and romance. I know by bloggin dis i may be hurting a pure soul out dare. I cant lie to myself forever..i cant keep it inside forever as well. Wat is love? Wat is romance? Wat haf i become? I'm too engross in my life's journey dat...If i've forgotten to love why do i yearn fer da magic of it? Now i get it. All dis while i tot i'm yearing fer my past but i'm actually yearnin fer da magic of love!
Honestly speaking, i think i'm afraid to love agin. To take one step again. To feel weak again. To be a slave to love n jelousy. I need to be strong to walk dis journey of mine but at the same time i dun wanna be lonely...
I've been asking myself wat is love...How do i fall in love..how it all work? Love seems to be an easy thing in da past but now..ITS SOOO DIFFICULT!

Work? in short its WORK..WORK..WORK... I'm undergoin a 1 mth course now..1 shift b4 dat i had my Emergency Vehicle course..Sigh...Plus i've just been assigned a new appoinment..Wif 2 appointments in hand plus da new heavy responsibility of the emergency vehicle..and da course i'm undergoin..Its making a drastic change to my life..Its gonna be a bumpy ride..And guess wat? I'm afraid.......hahaha..The great wanderin is afraid..hahaha..sigh...
i haf dis bad habit of not sharing my werk problems wif my family or gf. I dunnoe y..It can easily tick me off when one asks abt my werk life!! So u see, i cant rely on my colleagues, and i haf no one to talk to..so where do i go to? Hopefully dat explains why i'm not always around..trying to solve my problems..at times just bein alone to sooth myself or wif my frens to go crazy n forget abt my stress..At times i just wanna.........Well, dats life.. =)

This is wanderin spiritz a.k.a WS signin off..To all dose who regard me as their fren, May GOD be wif us all in our journey. And GOD BLESS US ALL! Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim.

15th January 2007

2006-01-14T23:59:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

Why cant dey all UNDERSTAND? Why CAnt dey JUST LISTEN? Why cant dey cant TRUST?!!
Do u haf dis 6th sense? at time u just feel heavy hearted to go out? at times u feel dat smtg can be done even though it seems impossible?
i dun wnna go out dat far but...sigh..i've never been dat clumsy n hot tempered. when i was abt to go home from ps..MY SIDE MIRROR GOT STOLEN! Its not abt da cost or da thing abt it but da fact dat it was taken WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!! It boils! recently my cash card too was stolen.
i should haf seen it coming. da signs...yesterday i skidded twice. Alomost #$%^#$^..Lets not bring back da past...
I'm just sooo FURIOUS!!! At werk..den dis..seems like my old temper is comin back...Life's been busy n just when i wanna breath n ...grrrrrrrrrr

30th December 2005

2005-12-30T00:02:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

The year is almost coming to an end. Its funny how fast time flies. One min ur in love da next its gone. Den it begins all over again, like a cycle dat never fails to end. I look back at the past to see if i've made any accomplishments, to recall dose happy or sad moments only to realise its BLANK!!
Yup i guess dats me. I dun keep milestones or memories very well in my brain. To me, life's all abt living it fer da day and dats it. It does not mean dat i'm impulsive or those kind of 'bo chap' type. I do always plan ahead of things though i can be very lazy at times!
"We never plan to fail in life but often we fail to plan!"

I haf dis "go wif da flow" attitude. Its a simple way of life, when i need to or when the situation requires to den i will move accordingly. I know it aint a gd attitude coz u'll require lots of goals or motivation to actually get things DONE! Else lazinees sets in! :(

I respect those ppl who can actually pick demselves up and actually get things done way beyond deadlines! They say its good plannin/organizing but i say its DISCIPLINE!

Werk is getting to me. Seems dares lots of stuff to do since i got back from my LONG LEAVE! Apart from my normal LAST MIN ASSIGNMENTS! i'm involve in da major exercise dats been in da news! Nope aint gonna tell u wat when or where.. :*
if ur da unlucky commuter den..kwang3..too bad..LOL

I'm feeling lost now..on da phone wif boo n tryin to jot my thoughts..I dun know if its coz of da hang over from da extremely late sleep i had since i knocked off werk or...hmmm...I'm tryin to get over things. I ask myself y i'm worshipping my past when dares nothing to worship all abt. Wats so great abt my past? Waat da F8Ck is wrong wif me? LoL!
I'm known to haf a wierd brain wavelength..I think recently my colleagues saw my crazy bubbly self dats been kept in da dark fer yrs. i think some of em cant stand it! LoL..
oh well, might as well enjoy it, sooner or later i'll change again..becoming all serious again. Trust me..Dis one i can foresee. y is dis a gd thing? it somewat shows dat i'm ready to move on to smtg new..but wat ah? khakhakha..

oh well, boo seems to be bored on the other side of da phone..better go and tok to her..Addios!

It still hurts?

2005-12-24T19:24:00.000+08:00

"Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory"

*BAM*! Smtg i tot I gotten awy just hit me hard again! Sigh..Guess all dese while its been kept in da dark. "Its time to move on.." Dis is wat i'm tellin myself..Over n Over again..Y do i get butterflies when i saw it? Y does it seems my heart skip a beat or 2..
It hurts seein some1 happier in da hands of another. Wat i fail to accomplish seems to be a walk in da park fer another.

Lookin at da bigger picture, i got my second chance. To make some1 happier. To accomplish smtg i couldn't. But.. It aint da same it just hurts not matter wat. Though i've hurt her inttentionally or not but..

Guess i am sumhow still in da dark ages. But thank God, she is da light..Perhaps da light of my life but i just dun know it yet. Dey say time heals all wounds..Time is healling my wounds, hopefully time will also open up my heart to love again da way i did once upon a time..

I pray dat my past found wat she has been looking fer...May she be happy always..

I pray dat my present, if she is da one, my light, my other half, i pray for her happiness, health and patience. If we are meant to be, may God open up our hearts and bless our love fer all ethernity.. If we are meant to be.. If we are meant to be..

Some1 once told me, wat i'm doin is actually punishin myself..n da way i do it, its too deep. I din realise all dis n i cant denied it either. Am i? Oh my.. But y all dis? Its beyond my understandin.. hopefully one day HE will show me da truth..

20th December 2005

2005-12-20T19:07:00.000+08:00

“Men must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory”

Greetings my fellow frenz n readers..
Its been 2 weeks or so? Where haf i been? Wat haf i been up to? hahaha..Life's passin super fast..One min u were filled wif guilt de other in trainin n da next at ur frenz wedding. How time flies. How closer we all are to da grave.

I needed some time to clear things up n God gave me things to pre-occupy my mind. HE's all knowing. It hurts to be hurt by da one u truely love. I know, I've been dare. But to forgive n accept it all? I never thought anyone'd do dat fer me. Wat is da hidden msg behind all dis? Does love really exist fer me?

Things are goin crazy fer me. Ppl settlin down here n dare. Werk is takin da next level fer me..If it all werk out, its either life or death. Perhaps dat is y I'm too afraid to fall in love. Afraid i'm unable to perform my duties to my peak wif out thinkin of my love ones. The thought of da risks, da realism of death..but somehow i know i'm destined to do dis. Somehow i know HE's always by my side..Wierd? I'd say miracle!

6th December 2005 (night)

2005-12-06T19:45:00.000+08:00

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Half da day us gone..
Sometimes in life, u just wanna take a gamble. To try new things be it its against Religion or not. To know how it feels n y ppl r doin it. A sin dat one must bear, a price one must pay now or later in dis life or de afterlife.

I failed my prac, n now i'm falling sick. Stopped by Seletar dam to tune my bike n watch sunset alone. Thinkin abt wat has happened. Wat is right is now wrong, wat is wrong is now right. A step forward i've taken, closer i feel to my grave but i've yet to prepare. I haf sins beyond sins. i've gone beyond my principles n beliefs just to satisfy my craving curiousity.

May GOD haf mercy on us all. May GOD forgive us all n turn us back to wat is right. n to all of u, pls forgive all my wrong doins, my sins. Peace my brothers n sisters.

6th December 2005

2005-12-06T00:07:00.000+08:00

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

6th December 2005

Good mornin!
TO be honest, i forgot its my bdae today! Kwang..Kwang..Kwang..Till I got a phone call from beetlebug n her new found flower @2300! Dat was soo sweet..Awww..Y? coz i just got back from my practical. It din turn out soo good n tomorrow's my evaluation..Sigh..Guess under all dat stress knowing dat my frenz remember my bdae..kinda touching. Besides dat, got some present from my parents. and not forgettin wishes from mary, yani, dillah, beetle n her panadol ..hehehe..n of course boo. Did i mention she got me a bdae cake last Sat? I think i did my last entry..
hehehe..

Wats up dis month? I'll be pretty busy again..sigh..My name's up fer bomb squad selection. Dunnoe if i can make it. Seems kinda tough. Kinda like DART seletion. Sigh..Dats a 3 days selection n workshop. Besides dat, got some kinda meeting or seminar so to speak..

Hows me n boo? entah lah..actually dunnoe wats wrong wif me..Kiri tak kena, Kanan tak kena..I dunno lah.. I'm really messed up n confused..

Wats on my mind lately? I dunnoe if i should get a 400cc bike or just wait n get a 600cc or 1000cc bike. Da thought of getting a car is also dare. Y a bigger bike? Actually dares a desire to travel far or to play track @ pasir gudang..I dunnoe yet. But da frustration of gettin ur skills right is dare! Sigh.. Since i downgraded to a smaller bike, Its soooo different.. At times i just feel like giving up! But..Insya-Allah.. Aight peepzz. take care n Gd nite.

To dose who wished me bdae, n dose who remember me, Thank you so very much. Its touching knowing dat others remember me. May God Bless us all.

End of Syawal..

2005-12-03T16:42:00.000+08:00

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

3rd December 2005

Syawal is coming to an end. I cant say I din enjoy Syawal, but i cant also say i enjoyed syawal. This yr's Adilfitri is a beautiful n memorable one i'd say. I got in touch wif so many frenz. So much so i forgot how it feels to be loved by dose who cares abt u. Dis yr's open house, Masya-Allah, so many beautiful frens turned up. From ex-primary sch to sec to colleague. It may not seem much but its da most in my life. look at my english, I'm having problem expressing my thoughts!

Yesterday, i met up wif my ex-pri sch frens..I know..I know i've be missing fer a long time. I suppose besides bein busy i was kinda upset dat i missed da hari raya outing wif my pri frenz, n my sec sch frenz..Only when wif boo's frenz..I was pretty much besy wif courses n all. Had my HTML course n recently i GOT MY RESTRITED CLASS 4 LICENSE!! Kewl aye? Wat else happen? entah lah..Life's like spining sooo fast.

Oh ya, i went to Stains Field College to checkout da course but..Well, seems like my schedule si like sooo tight up, its kinda risky to take it up. i hafta stop now, boo came down wif a surprise bdae cake! Goin to Lyana's sis's wedding dinner later in da evening wif sum of da gals n guys..Take care peepz. To all whom i couldnt vist ur house, I'm soo sorry. Insya-Allah next yr aight! ;) Peace to all!

dA tRuTh iS fInAlLy oUt

2005-11-09T16:46:00.000+08:00

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Finally..In da mist of thunder n heavy downpour, da truth is finally out! I'm pretty shock myself. Din expect dis to happen AGAIN! Masya-Allah.. This is far beyond my control. Perhaps within it lies a teaching. I do wat I can, I leave Da rest to HIM.

9th November 2005

2005-11-09T13:59:00.000+08:00

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Life's taken an unexpected twist. All I have been looking forward to is fading away. Wat has happen? Wats da meaning of all dis? Questions..Questions..Questions. I dun wanna hurt anyone, especially boo. But wat is goin on? We had a small chat yesterday, n it turned out all wrong! I said things dat I did not mean.

Wats my next step? Wat am I to do wif my life? I dun wanna remain stangnant all da time. I wanna create several milestones of my life! Dare r a few goals in mind I'm considering...but y da sudden shift? Me n boo haf grown further due to our work demands. Seems dares lesser time to spend wif each other. Seems i growing more n more independent..

O yar! Its still Hari Raya! Gosh I felt as if its over! Speaking of which, I dun think I can make it dis outting dis coming 13th. Sigh..Can only gett off at 8pm. Dat is, if all goes well. Seems like most of my colleagues r having courses on da 14th. Werk! Ahh..Yesh werk..Heard da reshuffling is canceled, coz it caused lots of uprising n unhappiness plus, my "boss" is getting transfered sooner den expected. He sure is a high-flyer!

Some still ask, whether i've gotten over my past, truth is, i'll never will. But, to forgive, is da biggest step to fogetting abt da past. So, dats wat i'm doin. To forgive. Of course, wif it comes sorrowness but hopefully I can move on. Just a side note, dis has no bearing to wat is goin on wif me n boo. So dun make assumtions! Coz Assumtions is da mother of all FUCK UPS!

Dares nothing much fer now, da rest is all in my head, processing..n processing..n processing..
Y?..Y?..Y?.. Y not? Y dis? Y dat? Y must I? Hopefully i wont loose my mind. Always in deep thoughts. Dis worries me a lot. Even when I'm wif my frens, i'm not present..

6th November 2005

2005-11-06T15:06:00.000+08:00

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Salam Lebaran!
Dis year's lebaran was filled wif sooo many challenges, but wif patience n perseverance n da Baraqah givin in da holy month of Ramadan, it became BEAUTIFUL!

Dis year's Lebaran, i did not celebrate it wif my dearest. Its a first. No matter wat in da past, somehow we'll get togetger n patch things up just b4 raye. But dis time, God took her away n replace it wif something even MORE! EVEN BETTER! Frenz n Family! n of course dat special sum1.

Yesterday, I had my open house. the surpise was overwhelming. Frenz from my pri sch, frenz from my sec n frenz from werk. Somehow we managed to put aside our differences n made peace. Perhaps dats is wat my awah fren wanted. Fer all just to put aside our differences n make peace. Perhaps his passing is a blessing in disguise!

Speaking of which, my frenz n cousin n i visited my arwah's family right after Solat Adilfitri. Dey greeted us wif joy n when its soon to make a move, her mother teared in grief. Dat broke a tear in all of us. Realisin da fact dat he's gone. Make God haf mercy on his soul.

So i though y dis yr would be any diff, so i visited boo's house after i got home. Facing da fact dat i haf not slept well, coz dat mlm raye, we went to geylang up to 4am! Hahaha..Wow! Human TRAFFIC JAM!!!

I just dun knoe wat else to say. Dares sooo much things dat happen. So much things i learnt abt my frenz. things dat make u tear..How we haf all changed. How we all haf been tested by God. Its amazing, how we all are in touch tight now. I'd say all things happen fer a reason. I'd say its a miracle. I pray dat may God allow us to continue our beautiful frenships till end of time. May it bloom n never fade. May God be wif us all n may God haf mercy on us all.

Once again, Salam Adilfitri, Salam Sejahtera.

EiD muBaRaK

2005-11-02T12:21:00.000+08:00

"Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Ampun Maaf kepada semua seaindainye terkasar bahasa atau salah silap"

A very Good morning! A lot has happen dis ramadan. Filled wif lots of dugaan. But Syukur Alhamdullilah, setiap kejadian ader sebabnye dan rahmatnye. Di bulan yg penuh Rahmat ini, bila ku lihat balik kejadian2 yg berlaku, air mata hampir2 menitis. Di sini lah ku hampir hilang nyawa ku, disinilah ku hampir hilang bonda ku, di sinilah ku hampir hilang arah dan akal..
TEtApi disebaliknye, semua ade sebab2 tertentu, Allah maha mengetahui, Allah maha Adil, Allah maha Suci. Subbahanallah...

Again dis morning, I was haunted by my past. The more i look at it, the more i realise how much my soul 'sanjung' her.. Dun get me wrong, I aint looking at da past. Perhaps its because, every yr no matter wat happens we never fail to get back during Ramadan. And every 1st day, I never fail to visit her family. Dis time its just diff. I feel like i'm cheating sumhow. but who am i cheating? Sigh.. I knoe Boo's been upset n very patience wif me. But its me who's impatience..
I could almost cried in my dreams just now, Oh dear God, how long more will u torture my soul..

To look more on da positive side, I got in touch wif lots of my frens. The long lost ones, da trator whom noW is a fren, the new frens...A new bike...A new life fer my mom..And most importantly, A NEW STRONGER ME!

TO ALL MY FRENS, DA LOST, DA OLD, DA NEW, DA EX-TRATORS, MY LOVE, N MY PAST,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI,

SEANDAINYE KU BERDOSA TERHADAP MU,

KU MOHAON AMPUN DARI MU, HALAL KAN MAKAN MINUM KU

MOGA ALLAH REDOR'I KAMI SEMUA

28th October 2005

2005-10-28T17:28:00.000+08:00

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Just got back to wat seem a very long day..Just completed de Fire Simulator Instructor Course. Pretty kewl! Its amazing how modern technology can recreate various diff fires!

Today somehow dares a smile on my face..Y? Coz my bike's 'runnin in' is almost complete! Finally dares POWER! Else i can't even go beyong 80km/h! Almost fell asleep several times at dat speed! Dangerous!

How's my mom doin? Haven visited her. Doc said she got some kidney infection n suspect her havin a small stone in da kidney..Shssshh! Can't dey just confirm it n get it over n done wif! I seriously lack of sleep, my eyes r like swollen..n I hafta finish my werk..grrr..Getting agitated easily..

Oh well, ya all take care. Selamat berbuka!

TiMe 2 LeT gO...

2005-10-28T04:26:00.000+08:00

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

Good morning!
Just had my "sahur". After the drowing incident wif my bike, well, actully during da time i was swimin fer my life, I realise how much I love aini. Took me awhile but, she's growing on me. At times, i won't speak to her fer days, its not dat i dun wan to but i just can't. yeah i knoe its very wierd. But when i can, i try to keep her as happy as much as I can.

Letting go of my bike was a big sacrfice. Its like saying goodbye to my past. I think dat bike alone has eaten up to 10k! Gosh! A really bad investment.
Its not just da bike, but I let go one of my arowana, my discus, my kois! the house was just too messy wif all dese pets!
Just now, the 3 kittens n their mother was left somewhere far away..They're a really more den a handful to take care of. Shitting here n there! N da mother shit in my neighbour's pots! Boy was she making so much fuss, all da way up to da market n relatives!

I haf not started to plan fer da chalet.. i knoe some r disappointed abt it..Insya-Allah I'll look into it. Perhaps if its impossible to organise one, we'll just replace it wif an over nite bbq. See how lah..1 thing at a time..Nitez peepz..

A sErIeS oF uNfOrTuNaTe eVeNtS..

2005-10-28T00:26:00.000+08:00

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"
Eleanor Roosevelt

A Series of unfortunate events some might say.. After one incident to de other, some may find dis darkness unbearable. Perhaps thanks to this holy month of Ramadan, there's actually light even thought its pitch dark..

I just came back from Tan Tock Seng Hospital. Its my mom... She hospitalised now. Still under observation. The Docs suspect her havin some sort of infection in her kidney and the presense of stone in her kidney. I totally din know how to react when i got home from werk. I was sleepin (din sleep at werk..) n my mom mumbling something then she just sad by me in agony waiting fer me to wake up. I was literally fightin myself to wake up. Gosh who can bear to see their mother crying in agony. Wats worst i found out she was in worst condition n my dad din wanna call da ambulance. Boy am i pissed off wif him! Called some stupid doc to come over! Wat da Fuck was he thinkin! Is it a question of money over life? Wat went through his egoistict mind!
Heard my mom was sufferin through da whole nite... Oh Dear God..Now hopefully she's in good hands now. Wonder how's she doin..

Last week i ran into some sort of an accident..It was a Sun..It was raining da whole day, and some areas of Singappore was actually flooded. I was on my was home from TPE n i decided to take a short cut through Seletar Airport. I came to the round about and there it was, TOTALLY FLOODED! The car in front of me attempted n made it. I din spot de other cars whom were actually stucked dare! It soo cold dat i din stop to access da situation. The method was correct, to engaed in first gear/half clutch and high rev. BUT! I was looking down to ensure it was not too deep, without realisin dat i was off-course! There is actually a 3m deep drain dat runs across the round about!!! In short my bike went in n ...Da current in da water was sooo strong..Luckily i managed to grap hold of something..Told myself not to panic but to SWIM!
Kinda kewl experience..Dat nite after break fast, da TP called, said da bike had been found! lol..So I cycled dare to find my bike in da 3M DEEP DRAIN STILL STANDING UPRIGHT WITHOUT A SCRATCH!!! lol Costs me 60 buck to extricate dat bike n to transport it to my workshop.. After werk i straight away went to my werkshop..n sigh..just as predicted it'll cost up to 1k to repair it. so i though..just to give it up. It holds too many memories..n it has swolled too much money..So i decided to trade in da bike!

My eyes cant take it anymore..i like sooo exhausted..need my sleep..continue some other time..haven really sleep since i got back from werk n i'm on course later..sigh...

4th October 2005

2005-10-04T19:06:00.000+08:00

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do"

Eleanor Roosevelt

Good evening!
Wah! Its FASTING MONTH! How time flies..How time flies.. Yesterday had a mini gatherin at a nearby coffeeshop wif ma ex pri mates..Mar, Rin, Yani, Im n myself. It was pretty much a last minute thing. Mar decided to haf a gatherin to welcome da month of ramadan. We too discussed the upcoming chalet in Dec. They wanted a special kinda gatherin n dey wanted a chalet. IN DEC! So I though y not..since its my badae y not i sponsor da chalet! *lol* I've never had a chalet b4. I mean to organize one! I haven decide to make it an all frenz thingie or famli n frenz kinda chalet.. I still haven decided which kinda frenz to invite. Dun get me wrong. All r frenz just dat sum won't get along wif de other! n I dun wan my main circle to be left out.

Well, dats a dist worry. Fer not, I'm kinda demoralized. DAres a reshuffling n i hear dat I'm bein transfered out to another Rota. Sucks man..Sigh..So 'm like feelin gloomy..

Boo n me? hmmm..making things work. Feels responsible fer her..kahkha..I'm still on da move. Wif so many last min workshops n courses n meetings..Sigh..Dats life aye! I serously need to improve my fitness. Its slacking..Gosh sooo many Goals to achieve but soo little time to work fer it. Enough of my whining. Addious ppepz! Take care ya all!

28th September 2005

2005-09-28T12:38:00.000+08:00

"There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief."
-Aeschylus

Good Afternnon!
Its rainin CATS & DOGS! And I got to attend AAR @ 1430 @ Telok Kurau Camp! Ayoooo!! Seems like a tiny reanactment of a hurricane! "Sisir Aúzubillah!" Strong winds n heavy rain. Scary de man! Anyways, hmmm..dun really know wat to blog abt. Lets see..

Finally I'm like restin at home. Doin nothing much. Been on da move since my bike got out. Hahaha..Its wierd dat so many last min things crop up. Fortunately i got transportation.

Seriously I dun knoe wat to blog abt. Except dese past few days, my mind has been on my bike. Thoughts abt upgrading n how serious i am abt riding. Thoughts of how dangerous it is. Yesterday, i made 2 mistakes dat was dangerous. I had a pillion! Wat da F%*$ was I thinking! I'm afraind of ridin when my mind is half shut down. Unable to reason my decisions in time. Its no joke. Which is why i prefer to keep to da speed limits. i rather ride on da safe zone n let others say wat dey want. Unless ur absolutely sure then u should make ur move!

2 yrs on public transport wat do ya expect! but somehow it seems like yesterday I was riding. I still recall how naive n hot tempered back den. Made so many foolish decisions. 2yrs of fasting made me value wat i haf. Da freedom to ride, my bike n most important life itself. I enjoy riding be it in da fast lane or da slow lane. It gives a sense of peace. Especially at night when dares no one on da road.

Bein a rider ain't dat simple. Dares a code of conduct u hafta follow. I'm not talking abt those laws n all. I'm talking abt street codes! Disrespect em n others may intrepete ur challenging em! In other words courtesy. i dun wanna go too detail in it. Lets talk abt attire wise. i'm a little particular abt da attire i wear when i'm riding. Firstly i dun react to cold very well. Which is y u always see me wearin a jacket n long pants n shoes. If i can i wanna wear my gloves, but it looks a little over! Hahaha..Seriously when it get cold, i can really shiver..Especially at night.

Why jeans, jacket n shoes? Well, besides da coldness, its da safety aspect. Prevention is better den cure. Simple as dat. Some ask why do i always wear my jacket inverted. Answer is simple, aerodynamic. At first i ignored all dese but dare was one point when it poured cats n dogs, i was wearin full rain coat back den, gusts of wind seems to be trapped by my jacket, creating a kinda parachute effect causing u to steer out of course easily. Den dares another reason, When I was young, i observed y all these uncles wear it all inverted! Now I know y!

Things just dun happen without a reason. Think abt it. Observe n ask y! Seems like da "mini storm" has passed! I can see clear skies. Its time fer me to get ready now. Cheers peepz!

Norlyana's 22nd bdae celebration

2005-09-25T23:58:00.000+08:00

Norlyana's 22nd Bdae

Greetings!
Had an advance bdae celebration on 25th sept 2005 at Sembawang Park. Who was dare? Shirin, Mar, Yani, Hafiz, Im, Lyana n myself..7 in total..
Mar baked a cheeze cake fer da bdae gerl..khakha..while Rin did da sketch book! Me? rushed ard to get one PHOTO PRINTED!!! khakha..Expensive sia!

Oh well, Darlin couldn't make it. She wanted to but dhe got her own bdae party to attento plus drivin lesson. So told her not to rush. Khekhe..
Her she had loads of fun. So did I..Thank You God. It was like a blessing.

Anyways, da bdae gerl kena psycoed to BLANJA US ALL!! lol So we went to ermm..wats dat place called..beside Mobil..Along Sembawang Road..Erm..Rubiah or smtg like dat..

So now..I'm like full..later looks like a long day at werk! Cheers! may God bless us all!
May One day our path cross again! May God Bless US ALL! Amin!

25th Spetember 2005

2005-09-25T13:17:00.000+08:00

"There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief."
-Aeschylus

Greetings,
Just read someone's blog, I think she got my name wrongly SPELLED! Hahaha..
I know u haf put in soo much effort, but i just cant help it. Fighting this feeling. Guess i'm cursed. Unable to feel love at all. Love is indeed "suatu anugerah dari Tuhan". At time I'd miss u but at times i just feel anger. But.."aku pasrah, adakah ini suatu ujian bagi ku? Ape pun jua aku terima dgn iklas."
All feelings haf been switched off. Dares da desire to be alone. To be wif HIM. I haf failed once to be in solitute..I dunno wats goin on. My mind's always flying off but my heart is thinkin of HIM. I dun mean to hurt u. I just need time to sort things out. Dun worry its not dat of a big deal. ;)

Werk? Had a friction wif one of my colleague, but luckly i kept cool..its like suddenly i lost all feelings n my focus was on him..Awaiting fer him to to cross da line. Din think of it much till i got home. The thing abt controling ur anger is dat it'll eat u up when ur cooled.. Its like u cant let go.. At da same time u dun wanna blow up or vent it all out. Perhapz u wouldnt wanna make things more complication. Perhaps u wouldnt wanna hurt de other person. I tried sleeping over it but still..Hahaha..Masya-Allah..

Oh well, today my ex pri frens r celebrating 2 of our frens bdays. Seems like dese circle of frens r pretty much strong n on goin. I thank God fer dat. just sad Boo cant be join. She wanted but its too rushing. So i dun wanna tire her. Let her focus in her TP. All da best!

Seems like a good weather to wash my bike ;)
Addious peepz..Take care!

22th September 2005

2005-09-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

"There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief."
-Aeschylus

A very Good Evening!
Yupz I knoe i've been away fer quite sume time..hehe..Been on da move lately. Especially wif my baby! I've never traveled so wide! been to geylang, bishan, bedok reservoir..upper changi..etc..etc..
haha..Last time was darn scared to move ard..Now seems adventuous..ape ke tak, 2 tahun PUASA!!
But still at times a bit scarry...
Ayways, today was rather disappointing, i was really looking forward to a movie butt..sigh..
o well..I'm like soooo exhausted..
seems a lot of stuff coming..but cant think wat now..
To all ya peepz! take care yar! Just because i'm not ard or not reply does not mean i'm not thinkin of ur all! peace ya all!
May God be wif us all..

2005-09-19T04:01:00.000+08:00

Where's da food!

2005-09-19T04:00:00.000+08:00

Lets Fish!

2005-09-19T03:59:00.001+08:00

My very first fish! Ikan Grapu!

2005-09-19T03:59:00.000+08:00

My baby now..

2005-09-19T03:58:00.000+08:00

My baby back den..

100th Post!

2005-09-19T03:34:00.000+08:00

"There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief."
-Aeschylus

Good Morning!
Wow! Finally got time to blog! This is my 100th post! amazing how time flies! Last i remember i was hearth broken and i started to blog..hahaha..How time flies..how time flies..
I just got back from JB..y? haha..
Went in to pump petrol n ehem..do some minor adjustments..on wat? hahaha..(read on..)

Wat haf i been up to? pretty much by myself actually. no time spent wif boo too.. I dunno wats happenin..But i hope everything will be fine. So, as i was saying, wat haf i been up too..so far i can remember 3 major events dat made some impact on my life. Firstly, was da D&D @ Pan Pacific wif Boo..her workplace's annual dinner..First time i attended some function like dis..Secondly, da fishing trip I had wif my colleagues. We went deep sea fishing sometime back. Can't really remember when. Few days back i think..We were on a boat somewhere ard West Coast..N guess wat, I caught my very first FISH! Masya-Allah..Wat a great feeling! Learnt so many knots..Soon i think i wanna start fishing..

Next is, I JUST GOT BACK MY BABY!!! Yupz my long lost BIKE!! We've been apart fer like 2 yrs..Miss him so much! Got it last Sat..So dis make me my 2nd day riding it..For the first time, I really enjoyed riding! Din mind at wat speed, just ride..I remember dat night at da station, my first time washing my baby after so many yrs. It brought back memories.. I Guess i almost teared..Haha..well, u knoe i know..If u dun den..u hafta read in btw da lines! ;)

I think I post some pics on my blog..I'm feelin kinda lonely now..dunnoe if i miss boo or..ermm..sigh..hahaha..y cant i just let go..

Boo's been very patience wif me. Am really messed up. Dunnoe lah wat to do..Sigh..Bearing dat in mind, i'like trying to give n take..Sigh..We've haven been talking much..Just a hello n bye kinda thing. Dunno wats happening..sigh..

Enough of my rambling..oh dear, da cost of petrol is really high now..In Singapore i can only get abt 5 litres compared to M'sia where i can get a full tank..Ayoo..Pretty expensive..Aight..aint feeling too Gd..night..

13th September 2005

2005-09-13T23:18:00.000+08:00

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Hmmm..
Greetings...A bit gloomy.., Yesterday was boo's bday..din "happly" sepnt time wif her. was raining n all..Bought her a fossil watch. Latest design wif latest PRICE!! haha..worth it.

Wat i do today? went ard spending 50 bucks. bought vcd, sushi, marker, fish food..By da way, i cycle all da way to woodlands (actually just after sembawang) to meet my long lost baby..Sigh..when will we be reunited again! I urge fer dat day to come. Soon..soon..insya-allah..

me n boo? actually on da rocks. Me as usual..dun knoe wats wrong. I'm holding to my safety line..nothing too serious to worry abt..(i hope..)

o well, werk..werk..werk..

Goodbye Titi

2005-09-09T23:29:00.000+08:00

Passed away on 9th September 2005

31st August 2005, Wednesday Night

2005-08-31T21:39:00.000+08:00

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good eveinn to all!
The wheels in my head has begun to spin. I realise dat I aint getting any younger! Its time fer a proper savings! *lol*. Operation "Cost efficiency" is underway! Trimming loose ends here and dare. Insya-Allah, I'm able to trim the roots of my PROBLEM! The 2YRS CAUSE OF FINANCIAL FRICTION!

BUT! There's always a but! We humans only plan but HE has the FINAL SAY! Hahahaha..
I can only pray that i'm doing the right thing and that all will go well! Insya-Allah.

I just realise something, did u knoe dat ur certificates such as O'level or NITEC or Dip of watever lah has an EXPIRY DATE!!!! GOSH!! Dat SUCKS!! I found out dat ur O'Level expires in 3 YRS!!! So now my O'level is just a piece of JUNK PAPER! *SIGH* Its actually more fer those who wants to continue their education via MOE. Like goin back to Poly as full time student or something like dat. Aint to sure abt P/T students. Ain't too sure abt private institutions.

So, fer ya who's thinkin of stopping their study, think again! u only GOT 3 YRS oF VACATIONS! *lol* Oh yah, one more thing, ur cert will remain valid if ur werkin in ur related field ie. if u haf a dip in engineerinm u better be in da related field instead of werkin in some cafe! Its sooo disappointing aye? Now i knoe why dey say once ur out of the education sys its hard to get back in! *Sob..sob..

Thats so much fer now. Seems like i got lots of upcomin events next mth! no time fer my darlin i suppose..Take care n God Bless us all!

29th August 2005, Monday Night

2005-08-29T22:31:00.000+08:00

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good evening,
I just watched dis indon drama, "Astargfillah". Its a drama based on past accounts. Today's show is abt how one uses sihir to break apart 2 lovers. Actually i watched a couple of episodes. How one uses djinn to create havoc n all. Wats so unique abt dis show is dat at de end of it, dis ustaz will recite versus from the Holy Quran n somewat give "pedoman" Masya-Allah. It is stated in the Holy Quran in surah AlBaqarah, dat such sihir exists, where hatred is used to break apart Husband n Wife, Wife n husband, and even 2 lovers. Masya-Allah. How zalim dese ppl can be. To misuse such abilities. Ya-Allah..Dare was one episode dat mirrors wat i went through in life. Masya-Allah. "Ya-Allah, aku bersyukur kerana KAU masih menetapkan Iman ku.."

Wat i wen through is nothing to wat dose ppl in Indon face everyday. Sihir is a part of their everyday weapon. I recall da time when i went to Java, no matter how nice one can be, its da heart dat matters. Its hard to say. They face hardship, poverty. The way I look at it, ONLY DA STRONG SURVIVES! Banyak pekara yg aneh2..

Masya-Allah, I am so thankful to GOD of my present life. Masya-Allah! Its rainin now! At night! ALHAMDULLILAH!

29th August 2005, Monday Evenin

2005-08-29T19:00:00.000+08:00

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good evenin!
Just watched jap animae! "Legend of da condor Hero.." I'm like sooo attached to da show! Grrr..I'll be missing tomorrow's episodes. Unless I can reach home b4 10am da following day! grr.. Just like "Samurai X"..Grrr MUST FIND DA VCDS!!! ANYONE KNOES WHERE TO LOOK FER IT?????

Anyways, Its soooo windy da whole afternoon. It'll be beautiful to go picnic or just a walk by da beach!
Couldn't even concentrate on my game. Suddenly things r getting hard. n my head is like aching! Plus i'm feelin sick. Oh yah, by da way, my sis got fever since like last week. Now she's suspected to haf dengue fever! Sigh..Just sent her blood fer testing. I 'm like sooo in a dry spell!

I was feelin so letargic. Feel like falling sick. So, I got up, took a shower n went stright to da recreational field! Hahahaha..Went fer "leisure" run/jog. Took a slow jog one round da field stop n did some streatching. den i decided to run round da estate! HAhahahah.. Psychologically it HELPS!! IT WERKS!! Ran passed da swimming pool, up da polyclinic, passed SAFRA passed da community centre, passed GV n all da way back home! A total of abt 15mins of run. Felt like 2.4 km of slighlty less. Hahahaha.. Dats just da beginin. Planning to run further up! Its better den running rounds. if u ain't mentally prepared u easily give up. I Remember da run at ubin during my OBS. 10 clicks was FUN! hahaha..Da scenery/atmosphere really does make a diff! i pretty much enjoy my run today. Feeling good rite now. Speaking of which, grrrr..I haf not iron my uniform! Take care ya peepz!

29th August 2005, Monday noon

2005-08-29T12:32:00.000+08:00

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good afternoon!
Wow! Spliting headache! Didn't sleep fer like 36hrs. Got back from werk yesterday, couldn't sleep. Guess aint use to it. Lazy ard pretty much yesterday. Played my game "ROME-Total War" hehehe..

Evening yesterday was pretty much unexpected. My darlin's evening class was canceled so we decided to meet. Din know where actually. I was havin a throbbing headache by then. Hahaha..always cracky abt goin out late evening. Decided to go to ECP. Missed da sunset of course! Hahaha..

Sat by da water breaker. WoW! The tide was coming in, the wind was sooo strong n cooling. It was perfect. I could almost sleep dare. hahaha.. But of course by den, rodents n roaches n other walks of life were out scavenging fer food! I was worried dat i might get cranky n all. But thank God i wasn't. I'd say we had a great time. Darlin was laughin n all. I guess she deserve it.

Anyways, when i got home, after washing up n all, it took less then a split second n da tv was watchin me! hahahha.. Black out totally! Got up in time fer my fav jap animae! "Legend of the condor hero..." Something like dat! I MUST source out dat VCD n PURCHASE IT!!!! missed quite a few episodes! Tomorrow oso be missin it! :(

Its back to werk now. Kinda groggy rite now. I wonder how my frens are doin. Kinda miss em all. how I wish we could like make an overnite bbq, camping kirekan! With yesterday's setting! Ghost stories! hahahaha..Mesti best! Actually yearning to organise a chalet. But getting da ppl dare is a prob. hmmm..Tu lah..leceh..Masing2 busy dgn hal masing2...

Aight! take care ya all!

28th August 2005

2005-08-28T13:32:00.000+08:00

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

THE LONG WAIT

On the 26th of August 2005 may or may not be da last day or my 7 weeks course! It was my test! I haf been talkin abt courses n all. U must be wondering wat it is all abt rite? Its actually a Class 3 driving course at CDC sent by my werk. Yupz! In other words! Its my TP TEST!!

My test was at 4.30pm meaning my warm up is at 3.30pm. But i hafta report at ubi at 12.30pm just to sign attendance! So i thought i could proceed wif my Friday's prayers, it has been awhile. So i though! Boy was i furious when he din't allow! hahaha..

The wait was mentally toturous! I din worry much till da day itself. I did dream abt my test, being anxious n worry but it wasn't my class 3, it was my bike TEST!!! hahahha..Crazy!!
So, as I was saying, I NEVER WANNA WAIT DAT FREAKING LONG AGAIN!!! Hahaha..
The warm up? IT WAS DISASTEROUS!!! I STALLED DA ENGINE SEVERAL TIMES!! The clutch was not only near but da idling was set very LOW!! hahahaha..

Buuuutttttt, Syukur Alhamdullilah, I JUST PASSED MY TEST!! It was aborderline pass but.. I GOT MY QDL CLASS 3!!!! Alhamdullilah!!!

Yeah..yeah..da desire to buy a car is dare! NAh not goin fer those mazdas...Its either Honda or Toyota! Hahaha..Got Good Lobang oso!! Wif full body kit n all..Racing bebeh!
BUTTT!!!!! My heart still yearns fer ma bike! I guess once a RIDER always a RIDER! Oh well.

Sat, i hafta report back to werk. Its suppose to be Tues but..Tak cukup org.. Takpe lah. Had a long holiday. WOW! Heard its been really busy! So many cases! Missed all da actions! Speaking of which, I hafta build up my stamina back sigh.. Hahahaha..

I'm like missing boo like crazy..but I just received a msg from my ex. *Sigh* Its like everything is goin fuzzy. Like a war of emotions turmoilin inside! Was her bday sumdays back! Shhhssss..
If boo reads dis she be like "Bagus lah tu, genapkan 10" hahahha.. :p

Hows me n boo? Fine I guess, I think she obviously LOVES ME! hahaha.. But boo, u gotta learn to filter n COOK! *lol*
by da way, guess wat! SHE INVITED ME TO HER ANNUAL D&D party! NO ONE has ever invited me to such thing. And oso SHE invited me to her frens wedding! Or issit her fren invited? hmm..Cant really remember! Prob is, Her frens dad is a fireman. Sekali gue kenal! MAMPOS! ahahahaha..
PLUS I DUNNOE WA TO WEAR TO DA D&D!!! I dun feel like goin..*Sigh* De next day is like my werking day..grrrrr...
Oh yah, my colleague is oso getting MARRIED NEXT WEEK!!! ALL HAPPENING LIKE NEXT WEEK!!! *Sigh*..And I'm like in a DRY SPELL!! Thanz to da TRIP up n down ubi!!! *SIGh*..

I think i should burry myself n hide till my next ehem..on da 12th! hehehe..Shit! its sumbody's bday! 2 in fact! Shit! hehehehehe...

24th August 2005

2005-08-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

So..
I FAILED MY IPPT!!! Everything was ok, was either Gold or Silver..Halfway through my 2.4 run, it rained sooo darn heavily!!!
I was frezzing shit! Den suddenly i started to slow down. My mind became weak n sumhow i gave up.. Sigh..Its a shitty feeling knowing dat u can make it but u gave up. I fail my 2.4 run. But at least i completed it. Sigh..

I was neither angry nor cranky at all. I have been loosing my temper lately. I remember scolding boo abt smtg. I know she misses me, but u can't expect to be hogging on da phone all nite! She teared. *sigh* Oh well, at least i know she has a heart! *grins*

I hafta comment, dat night b4 my Ippt, i wasn't really myself. Worried abt sooo many things. Abt werk n all. She said da sweetest thing no one has ever said, "Dun worry too much k, i got it all under control" or sumthing like dat. Implying dat she has werked out some solution abt my worries. And dat she just wants me to focus on finishin my course.. Dat made me smile n felt a sense of security n comfort. I slept like ababy through da night n woke up a new person! ;)

I sort of made peace wif my instructor. Although i tried to pretend things were normal but i sumhow feel as if i haf a grudge against him..Hahahaha..Oh well, we did shook hands. I guess dats wat happens if ur too serious wif ur werk n not take care of wat u say. Wat do u expect! He's an ex policeman! Brutality is in his blood! hahahaha..

22nd August 2005

2005-08-22T18:14:00.000+08:00

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

If I were to be in POWER, Today I'd declare a PUBLIC HOLIDAY!
Today is da SHIITIEST DAY! Like I woke up on de wrong side of ma bed! Actully da sofa. Slept outside..
I havin dis loneiness, sad kinda worrysome feeling. Like da time when i was due for NS..Shitty feeling. Wats worst, my instructor almost got FUCKED by me! HE WAS ALREADY HAVIN SOME PROBLEMS AT HOME N ALL!! N ITS LIKE HE'S TAKING IT OUT ON ME!!!FUCKER!!
LUCKILY I"M DA TYPE DAt like to give in..sighhh..
I WAS REALLY BOILING..
but thank God I could control it..Sigh..
Fucked up day I'd say.. Tomorrow's IPPT..n I din make any preparations..Sigh..Wow! Using da F word..hahaha..
Kept quiet da whole day. Guess everythings bottled up.

This mth macam2 dugaan. Financially, mentally, spiritually..SIgh..So many unforseen circumstances occured. Oh dear God..

Even yesterday my outin wif ehem wasn't really an enjoyable one. I wasn't present mentally n spiritually i guess. Its like I somewhere else. Even today. I maybe physically present but its like my thoughts n vision is clouded..unable to focus..Ayoo..Sighh..

I'm gonna try to seen if playing game helps..But i doubt so..sigh..

21st August 2005

2005-08-21T08:40:00.000+08:00

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

A very GOOD SUNDAY MORNIN TO ALL!!
I know, I know..U must be thinking wat da hell am I doin so early up in da mornin! Dats coz, i get a call from my STN HP! In my deep sleep, tgh mimpi nie..leh bual, "tu bukan bunyi alarm, tapi familiar to HP tone.." APe lagi tersentak lah bangun! Rushed to to da phone! geuss wats da first line I heard, "u r activated for physical reacall.." (computer generated voice). Tak kah terperanjat! I got an appointment at 1020hrs n i hafta report back in 15mins! Even if I take cab it'll take too long! Even if my bike is out, its still insufficient time! Tu RACING GILER!!!
Luckily, my fren immediately called me to tellme dat HQ canceled da recall! Gosh..By den da keluar mandi dah! Mandi SUPER COWBOY! heheheh..

Now i'm like starrin at da quote above..I realise how it actually is reflecting on my life..blog abt it some other time..Still reflecting! addious!

20th August 2005

2005-08-20T23:17:00.000+08:00

"When the heart has acquired stillness, it will look upon the heights and depths of knowledge, and the intellect, once quieted, will be given to hear wonderful things from God."
-Hesychios the Martyr

Good evening!

Thanks u all fer asking abt my mom. She's walking as if nothing's happen. Thogh i know she's still in pain. Had a scary dream last night. I used to werk in de airport at da departure belt. Whereby passengers aftercheck in their bags will go down "us" whereby we will scan den put in da container. So i was werking, den da supervisor came n said I hafta do da special belt. So i just went, n da wierdest thing is dat its covered! by like a curtain! So i slumber went in n scan all de bags. Da scanner denied da bags. So i just put em one side n scan da rest. Den came da superviser n said, dese are VIPs n dey r all ready. SO i rescan again n it was good to go. I load em up da container.. As i look at da bags, dare was a connection. It belongs to someone i know. The whole lot of em! ANd the destination or journey was a rather long one. Like to pilgramage perhaps? Or somehthing even worst? Sighh.. I woke up..Den..Only to haf found out later my mum had rather disturbing n worrisome dream as well. And my cats were all acting wierd. Like da sombong cat sleeps wif my mom n all. Plus I think yesterday was my late grandad 3yrs anniversary! I dun wanna wonder so far but..If ur in my shoes, u'll understand!

Sepaking of cats, yeah. All da pets in dis house even da fishes! Has sum form of attachment. Something goes wrong or someone gets sick or somehting bad abt to happen da "residents" will "act-up"! Kinda kewl. N SOoo sweet! I remember once a long time ago when i lost my temper n scolded my sis. Da Eldest cat came n stop me coz i was hitting my sister..oppss...hehehe..

Kids dese days, soo stubborn..Not like de olden days where fear was instill. Dun worry i aint da abusive type..Only when my mom cant control den BIG MONSTER COME IN! Usually i slow talk..see da reaction n situation.. n oso da times when i was heartbroken, da cats will sleep wif me, n meow to me..hehehe..as if dey understand. at pt of times i think dey do..Oh well, wat am i babbling..

Anyways, hmmm..I 'm bothered by manusia! hahahaha.. Homosepians! even myself! Alamak! suddenly lost da mood to blog abt it! hahahaha..

Its more of da irrihati ppl n da things dey do fer revenge. Sigh..Kinda lost abt wat to blog. Tgh nasihat my lil cyber sis!

Den its de other issue abt sleep. Seems like da more u sleep da more tired u get! Where's da POWER NAP whenu need it! Da one when u totally blacked out n wake up feeling super charged up!

Ayoo my mom's caughing..better go see..

19th August 2005_Night entry

2005-08-19T20:59:00.000+08:00

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Harloo!
My mom's up n walkin! YEEAAAH!! ALHAMDULLILAH!!
But she's still in pain. Thinking to send fer full check up. Waiting fer reply fer nursy bettlebug!

My last entry must haf hurt ehem..dearly..I'm sorry..Well, i did explain! hehehe..
Yupz, i'm like smiling a bit. But..deep down still worry.

My IPPT due soon..dis 23 to be exact! Tomorrow hafta WACK MYSELF UPSIDE DOWN!
Dats all fer now. I'm like so tired..

May God be wif us all. God BLESS!!

19th August 2005

2005-08-19T10:13:00.000+08:00

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good morning!
Sigh...Yupz feeling gloomy. Woke up to an intimate dream wif my ex.. Had to fight my way to wake up! Sigh.. Must be da result of uploading pics to frenster i suppose. Stumbled on some files abt my past. Opened it n *BANG* emotions set astirred. I've always believe in an honest relationship, which is why i msg boo just now. But is best dat i blog it down. If she wishes never to know, den i hope she be upfront wif me. Den i just keep it a secret.. Abt wat ever dat might hurt her i mean..

Actually da most worrysome thing right now is my MOM! Sigh.. She's ill. Something abt her stomach. Last nite, she bled instead of her normal bowel. Took her to de doc.. He said it was "wind" but..sigh..It aint convincing enough! She's still lying down. I'm like soo worried.. My intuition is telling smtg but i just dun wanna listen! I hate it when my intuition is RIGHT!!!
I'm so scared n so worried.

I dun feel like meeting anyone.. Not even Boo! At dis pt of time, i cant stop thinking abt my ex. Perhaps she was once a part of my family. I dun think so i'll be goin to lil Sue's performance! So sorry sis.. I'm like feeling messed up now..

Boo's been very patience wif me..Even at times i haf trouble expressing myself..Thanz..

18th August 2005

2005-08-18T10:45:00.000+08:00

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very good morning!
Its a very cool morning.. I heard 2 of my colleagues r goin fer da overseas mission o Sumatra. Sigh, I lost my oppurtunity. Wats worst, now my rota short of 2 ppl, i may hafta come back fer werk. Sigh..Just hafta keep my fingers crossed! Hopefully everything will go smoothly.

I realise dese days my mind in more into buisness. I hate all dis buisness stuff by recently it seems to haf caught my attention. Yesterday was an exposure to franchising buisness. (aint sure if dats wat u call it). With my interest in computers and biomedical engineering and working experience in F&B and civl service, wat will u get? hahahahaha.. All dese ingredients u mix, I wonder wat recipe u'll get. Hahahaha.. Which reminds me, my dad once talked to me abt Petrol kios! Which is also a franchising buisness! N my mom once talked abt kedai makan! hmmm...

Recently I saw Universities advertising courses in da newspapers. Boy am i tempted! Sigh! Its dis bloody bike of mine that is causing a financial friction! Wat a Fuckin bad investment! 2 YRS of no riding n i am still PAYING IT!!! Fucked up lawyer whom i think is too lazy to persue in anythin! Whic reminds me, i hafta to to the NPC to dig up some info! Luckily fer me, my instructor was an ex police officer. He was in investigation department. Hahaha.. He gave me sum tips..hahaha.. ME? Private investigator? jeng..jeng..jeng..!!!

At times i really feel like selling my bike! Firsly it has memories of da past! Secondly i'm just too angry of paying fer nothing! And dat STUPID BIKE SHOP OWNER!!! I RECOMMEND U NOT TO GO TO THAT SHOP!!! LIAR2 PANTS ON FIRE!!! Or maybe SHOP ON FIRE!!!

But if i think of it, i already spend so much money on da stupid bike. And i'm almost done wif da installments! In other words IT WILL BE MINE SOON!!! Sigh..God gimmie a sign...

Wif dat out of da way, den i can finally go back to school! Part time of course! Then it'll be da issue of diploma over A level. Den it will be da issue of courses..Bla bla bla..last of my worries!

SHOOT! I haven had my breakfast! I RUNNIN LATE FER WERK! SLAMATZ!!!

2005-08-17T18:36:00.000+08:00

"Kecik" Gave birth to 4 adorable kittens on the 5th of August 2005.

2005-08-17T18:35:00.001+08:00

Look how small it is! Like a hamster!

2005-08-17T18:35:00.000+08:00

10 days old

2005-08-17T18:34:00.002+08:00

10 days old

2005-08-17T18:34:00.001+08:00

10 days old

2005-08-17T18:34:00.000+08:00

10 days old

A tribute, to my cyber sis!

2005-08-16T23:20:00.000+08:00

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Ok! so dis is like an emergency announcement! I got 2 cyber lil sis! One is lil dragon n de other lil aina! So sis aina, dis entry is fer u, so plssss dun be engry n like assume dat i'm ignoring u! I couldnt access frenster! n i'm like sooo busy! if it was really urgent, u could haf like EMAILED ME! ;) hehehe..
A lil something fer u..

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

16th August 2005

2005-08-16T22:37:00.000+08:00

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good evening!
okok..today a liltle bit excited to blog! Something EMBARRESSING HAPPENED!!! Dare was dis voluptios gerl at da kios, i was behind her..I told her dat she haven log off..So i logged off n continue wif watever i wanna do..So half a min later she tapped me n said she wanted to go to da toilet, n i was astonised! She said i told her to wait fer her, i smiled while on da phone trying to call boo, n said no, i said u forgot to log off! hahahahaha...AYOOOOO so EMBARESSING! A LOT OF PPL WAS DARE!!!
Of course boo was jelous! Hahahah..LOve making her jelous! hahahaha.. So many chix today! WOW!!! hahahaha.. Yang ferring n tak ferring.. Macam2 arr. Dese days gerls r so fierce n daring! hahahaha.. Kate org tu kan, kalo single/heartbroken, satu minah pun tak nampak! tapi kalo da attached! MACAM2!! DUGAAN!! Nasib baik i setia orangnye! Ape nak buat! Nasib BADAN!!! hahahaha.. Boo kalo bace, tgh marah kan? hehehehe.. (MAMPOS)
Okok..fine, i know menyampah kan yg lain bace? hahaha..i received a CALL from HQ, telling me to go fer OVERSEAS MISSION TOMORROW!! WOW!! FUUUYYOOOOO!!!!
BUTTTTT I'm on COURSE!!! N I SIGNED N AGREEMENT STATING DAT IF I WIFDRAW HAFWaY or FAIL i HAFTA PAY $3k!!! DA FULL SUM!! SIGH!!! AYOOO..by da way its to sumatra! hehehehe.. kewl huh? Bi;er berangkat? BESOK!! da macam James bond! hahaha.. ayooo..Better luck next time lah.. hmmm...
Aights! dats all folks..enough excitement fer one day! TIme to CONQUER DA WORLD!!! Game of course! ROME - TOTAL WAR!!!

14th August 2005_night entry

2005-08-14T22:36:00.000+08:00

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good evening!
How i spent my day? ALONE!!! "Last MIn"!! Hahahaha.. (siape makan chili rasa pedas!)
I decided to "Last min" go cycling! I thought since its been soooooo long sice i ride a bike/cycle so i though why not. Hafta pick up da skills back! ;)
I dun haf a bicycle, actually i did! back in '97 until it was stolen :( Da bicycle belongs to my uncle..tak terpakai very da dusty! hahaha.. So i took it to da bicycle shop to inflate da tyres n adjust da gears..
Brought the bicycle home n WASH da BICYCLE!!! hahahaha.. rindu cuci moto kan! hahaha..LOOKS BRAND NEW MAN! Now itching to buy a bicycle! hahahaha.. Saw some beautiful GT moutain bikes!

So i went cycling ard yishun, to selatar dam..miss da place! Lots of memories..Happy, sad, ..angry, depress! hahahaha..Didn't go far though coz it was scorching hot! but at da dam it was very very windy. kinda brings back memories when me n boo sat at east coast! kinda miss it..Felt as if i could talk abt anything. Intended to go there actually! tapikan.."LAst MiN"
Stop by da fish shop spent $20 on fish FOOD!!! Bought coi food fer $7, ketapang leaves fer $3, super worms fer $5 n frozen centipede fer $5! Ayooo...
Haven been taking care of da water in da tanks n ponds. When i took a look at it just now! OOOO MY GOD!! Sheesshhh! My parents keeps like feeding dem unecessarily! sigh..My RTG arowana has an eye infection, its due to bacteria build up! hmmm...Lom ade mood to change da waters. Thinking of shifting da fishes as well. hmmm...

After magrib i went cycling again! hahahaha..temperature's right! hahaha..Went to da ends of yishun n down to da dam..n back to da centre of yishun n home! hahahaha..Confusing kan! hahaha..Witness an accident..i was abt to cross at da junction, first 2 left turning car stopped da third BANG!!! Felt guilty..hahahaha..

Did i mentioned, i kept EATING da WHOLE DAY!!! Ayoooo!!! MACAM MENGIDAM GITUK KAN! sigh...Hafta fast, i FEEL FAT!!!

Maner si ketot nie..Its like 2310 n still not back..sshhsshh..Sighhh... hmmm...
Dats all fer tonites entry. perhaps see ya next weekend!
Adios Amigos!

14th August 2005

2005-08-14T11:36:00.000+08:00

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Greetings!
Wow! Been so long, it seems i've forgotten how to even start! Life's been in da expressway. Things moving in da fast lane. Each day seems to be 'wasted' despite me bein on course. Just dat i feel i can do more significant things! But, hmmm... Fasting month is just ard da corner. I dun know how to face it. Seems dat its worying me. Perhaps da working part.
I gave some though abt education..u knoe... a or dip. Seems i'm more in favour of dip to a! But we'll see how. As fer now, its to settle sum unfinished buisness wif my bike! Yeah, been 2 yrs since da accident. At times it still haunts me. *lol* It was a near death experience! I was more worried of my pillion den of my life at dat pt of time. Den again i often put her b4 me n my family which was something wrong. Learnt it da hard way.

Had a nice conversation wif boo last nite despite all da irritating comments i made. She finnaly admit to being jelous at times! HAHAHAHA..SOO SWEET!! Silly of my to think "happy-go-luckly" dun get jelous! Everyone has a past. Mine is 6yrs. She got a lil insight of it n was shocked i think. Told her to "tender" if u will. Hahaha..Wonder how long more will it take to heal da wounds.
But Thank God dat, da barrier is still cracking. Though i'm still afraid to fall in deeper as dare might be no way out! Wat if i get disappointed? wat if? ......

Today i'm free! AS IN NOTHING TO DO!!!! She's out wif her frens. And i'm thinkin of either go cycling or movie. hmmm...entah lah. Its nearly noon n my engine still not running! Sooo lazy! ayooo...
Till den, MAY GOD BE WIF US ALL! GOD BLESS!!

12th August 2005

2005-08-12T00:13:00.000+08:00

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

Good morning!
Just got home! After course went to meet boo n mas go watch "Charlie n da Choc Factory". Sorry geng! Tunggu nye tunggu cam buah tak jatuh! hahaha..do i decided to catch em! Cant wait to catch bewitched too! hehehe..
There's nothing much to blog coz everything is in my head spining..Hahahaha..Dun even know abt wat! Seems every issue is being blended like an ice-cream! hahaha..
aights! nitez!

11th August 2005

2005-08-11T00:12:00.000+08:00

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very good MORNING! Its 0011 hrs.. Been sometime huh? Let me see, where shall i begin...

Firstly HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!!
I had to werk on national day, office hours coz i'm on course! YUPZZ all da way till month end! FOR da 1st time ever, I WENT TO SEE FIRE WORKS!!! WITH BOO of course (pestering me!) at marina south. Wow! da fire works were beautiful. I think sitting down in da open field wif all da couples n families n foreigners created a kinda of beautiful atmosphere. hahaha.. I miss sitting down just to star gaze. I wonder wat happen to all da stars in singapore.

On da 5th of August 2005, my youngest cat, "kecik" GAVE BIRTH TO 4 BEAUTIFUL KITTENS!!! Beautiful coat dey haf! So tiny so adorable! Da size of my palm, just like a hamster! hahahaha..Now I got 7 cats! Ayoooo...

Last Sunday, I decided to bring boo over to meet da parents! hahaha.. My dad been like asking me..Heard he was pretty excited n all. HaHaHa..Funny lah..I remember boo was like so SCARED!!! SOOO NERVOUS!!! I couldn't really be bothered coz i was like SOOOOO sleepy! (baru balik keje) I think i fell asleep a couple of times. Then i accompanied boo to SGH. She went to see her grandad. She was shocked dat i came all da way only to accompany her. She tot i was goin to see her grandad! HAHAHA.. Saw Norliana dare! hahaha.. Shocked! hahaha..
I stop by da musuem to take a look at da history. WOW! Da stuff dare was soo fascinating. Yet creepy. Da building looks brand new but i cant help feeling...Lets not go there. Dats btw HIM n me! ;)

I cant recall much right now, except dat i just came back from dinner wif boo n mas.. Too bad her catalyst any strong enough to over come my holy mood swing! hahahaha..

How's me n boo doin? Hahahaha.. Entah lah!
She made her first crack on da barrier when she came to meet my parents! barrier? hahaha.. Yupz dares a force field or shall i say a barrier btw me n boo. Communication, connection etc..etc.. I think today she made another crack at the barrier. i hafta admit, we do haf some communication probs at times. Not only dat, we too haf problems respecting n accomodating to each other's EQ..hahaha.. (sounds funny)

I'm not in a rush, had 6yrs of relationship. Taking my own sweet time wif dis one. EXTREMELY SLOW! hahaha! OIT BOO! dat does not mean u CAN TAKE UR OWN SWEET TIME TO LEARN TO COOK!!! PECAH MAN! hahahaha..

These days i've been dreamin abt my ex.. Sigh..Its like getting dose mthly newsletter! I think she's doin well, somthg abt her job. hmmm..
Even wierd, had both boo n her in da same dream but dey din see each other! hahahaha.. WIERD!

I guess, if i dun start to throw away my past, i'll never move on! Thing is, DARES SOOO MUCH STUFF HERE! SOOO LAZY TO START CLEARING! hahahahaha...

Entahlah...Sometimes i'm here, sometimes i'm not. Plus I still haf not decide abt my studies. Hmmmm..Let me finish my course successfully first lah.. INSYA ALLAH

To my frens, wat ever happen to da CHOC FAC MOVIE? hahaha.. Seems every1 busy wif all their own stuff. Some heartbroken n all...

I pray GOD is be wif us all. GOD BLESS!

4th August 2005

2005-08-04T22:46:00.000+08:00

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very Good Evening..
Been pretty occupied with work. I've been pretty much lost dese few days..

"Hati tak tenteram kebelakangan hari, rasa gelisa dan kekosongan seolah-olah meridui sesuatu.

Ada kala hati ini rasa sangat sayu dan sedih. Tidurku pula rasanye seperti permainan. Semakin ku tidur semakin ku rasa penat dan tidak puas. Tidurku tidak seperti tidur. Ape kah yang kurang?

Apabilah ku bersama buah hati ku, adakala aku seperti tidak hadir. Aku rasa seolah-olah diri ku merantau tidak tentu arah..Kesana-kemari. Ape yang ku cari kan?

Setiap kelakuan atau perbuatan, aku lakukan dgn waswas. Kuatir menyinggung, kuatir melakukan dosa.

Kelakuan-kelakun demikian membuat ku terharu, membuat ku terenung..Hingga ku berdoa kpd NYA..

MASYA-ALLAH!

Rupa-rupanye, DIA mengetuk pintu hatiku..Memberi peringatan bahawasanya aku telah LALAI. YA ALLAH YA AMPUN!

DIA telah memberi peringatan, lagi 2 bulan akan tiba bulan mulia! DIA memberi peringatan supaya bersiap sedia.

Sekarang ku mengerti mengapa ku rasa demikian.

Apabila ku mendengar Azan, apabila ku Takbiratul Ihram..hati ku menjadi sayu, air mata ku hampir mengalir..

Suda tiba masa membuat persiapan..Suda hampir masa untuk menjauhkan diri dan mendekati dgn NYA.

Ya Allah, ku bersukur atas peringatan dan pertujukan mu..."

Dare a times when wierd things happens den suddenly u haf to disappear. To leave behind all dose ard u to proceed wif ur journey... In search of enlightenment.. In seach of ur self..

2nd August 2005

2005-08-02T11:34:00.000+08:00

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

A very good morning to all!
A warm welcome to August..welcome!
I woke up to a beautiful sunny morning. But as i get out of bed, da nak RIBUT! Its dark n windy now. Stylo! hahaha..

Let me see, on Sun I had half day, went to meet Boo, teman her buy her lil cousins' presents, got a racing car, a mickey mouse baby set (baju n stuff). I was sooo exhausted, dat remained silent through out. Even my eyes were red! hahaha.. N my bagpack, (apparently very light dat day) felt as if it was 20+ kg!! As per usual, send her all da way to her door step. I was greeted by her mom n great granny. *lol* I had no strength to even smile! Boo gave me some stuff she bought from JB de other day. *lol* Soo sweet, she bought me cd (lagu rawk GIWANGS!! POWER!!), keropok n kuih baulu! Why baulu? *lol* *wierd*. I got home den black out! Could hardly wake up da next day n was late fer sum meeting! Ayooo..hahaha..

After da fairly short meeting or shall i say briefing, i decided to surprise boo, felt kinda bad yesterday. So I decided to buy breakfast n drag her out of bed. *lol* She was shocked that I was on da way. Of course her Great granny was home. After breakfast, we went to tampines. Din't know where to go actually.

We had our first argument. (i say first coz i felt anger) Thank God I din't give up n I manage to contain my anger. Had a pep talk wif her. By then I had to be extra careful as not to hurt both our feelings further. Filtered my tone n thoughts b4 it turns to speech like TWICE! Then she did the most amazing thing! She REPLIED! She admit wat she did, n she explained her self! THANK GOD dare was COMMUNICATION! its a first time dis happens to me. In fact it was really touching.

Went to da movies while waiting fer mas! Watched STEALTH..POWER! Not bad..Dunno if boo was cut out fer all dis sci fic stuff..Finally met mas at banquet simei..Boo was all stressed up. I took it lighly, when i asked she said she was hungry..hmmm...

Den Mas arrived, everything was KECOH!! I guess she a catalyst fer us. Makin things go spontaneous, and........revealing secrets!! Boo broke down and started to blabber all her probs! Ayooo..y did u tell me.. Guess its tougher bein de only child then it seems.

Now i'm pretty much lost. I dun know wat to blog..I remember she FiNalLy say da 3 words but i just cant respond! I can barely hold her hands dese days. Its like guilt all filling up! Where is my heart? Has it not been return to me? *lost*

2005-07-29T21:35:00.000+08:00

"Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need,
the time you need to have the time of your life."
-Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

Good evening!
I was very worried abt coming to work yesterday! but thank God everything went well. Da morning baris n CA drill was super ON! We like put on our extra best coz it AUDIT fer our stn! We were commended dat we still live to our standards! BEIN DA BEST! hahaha..
My colleague almost fainted, one of my men also almost blacked out. At nite, another one of my man caught fever! Eish!!! It was scorching hot yesterday! All da way till noon! Even after we were bare-bodied (during lunch in da comfort of our dorm) heat can be seen radiating from our bodies!
Fortunately fer me i managed to take some suppiments b4 da start of da drills. Else i think i too won't last dat long. i was rather perky n hyper active da whole day! Perhaps coz da old timers were too busy wif Audit n me n my colleague were like da seniors ard! hehehehe..
I was called upon fer sum interviews..Asking abt directives n all..hahaha..Alhamdullilah its like at da tip of my fingers!

The reason at times i dun feel like goin to work, coz of the mulut of certain ppl. I heard rumours dat sum maybe transfered out. and de other got WACKED UP SIDE DOWN LEFT RIGHT CENTRE by audit..Kuasa Tuhan..Masya-Allah..

At night, one of my collegue (apparently my driver fer da duty) was having a mussle cram/sore near his lungs (internal). I had dis a couple of time b4. It aint sumthing u wanna endure..hehehe..Everytime u take a breath, or move it HURTS LIKE HELL!!! he was pretty much sitting down n suddenly he'll screamin in agony! I felt obligated n sumwat pity fer him. Being him a big strong guy, suddenly dis small pain God gave..seein him in agony..Masya-Allah..So i took my medicated oil n told him to lie down..Yar! Urut!! Sumthing i haven been practicing! I cant take away da pain but i can help easy it away..Masya-Allah, HE moved my hands n till I know it, it has been an hour plus..Din realise i was perspiring..Thank God! dis time round i din even feel da crams or tiredness (my fingers dat is). But now a bit kembong..too much wind i suppose. i told he, he should go see a pakar tukang urut. his body is a mess, too much angin! Never b4 in his life he urut..Told him lots of stuff, glad he listened..

Den dis morning got a surprising msg! MY BOO WAS ON DA WAY TO FETCH ME FROM WERK!!! Ayoooo!!! *paisey* She was like standing rite de opposite of my stn! I think one of my boys mush haf disturb her (beri salam) hahahaha..Perhaps..We went fer breakfast at LJS..den went to bugis..I could barely open my eyes..She intro me to her colleagues..ayooo..*paisey* I think she must haf miss me very much..haha..haven been spending time wif her..at times even when we meet, my mind is not actually dare..Insya-Allah dis sun eve or mon afternnon we'll spend quality time..since ur on leave n me on half day..She's in JB now wif her colleagues since afternoon..Hmmm..Lom balik2 lagi..kinda worried..She's growing on me..Kinda missin her..Can really see her efforts to change fer da better.. i haf never seen sum1 try dat very best..Ayooo..by da way, it was a first she PIAT MY EARSS!!! ayooo! It was a slip of da tongue! Termaki..hehehhee..Quite a long one! hhehehehehe..

I'm still in delima, torn between A levels or diploma..Shall renungkan pekara ini..Moga2 Allah memberikan pertunjukan yg terbaik, Insya-Allah..

Salam Sejatera Semua, moga Allah bersama kiter semua Insya-Allah.

27th July 2005...night entry

2005-07-27T23:25:00.000+08:00

"Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need,
the time you need to have the time of your life."
-Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

A very Good Evening,
Just got off watching "Pontianak Menjerit". A pretty STUPID show! but alrights lah, for the laughter! Watched wif my mom n sister. Been awhile since i do something wif them. Family bonding's da word! At times I may be physically present a home, but actually I'm else where..my own space.
After today, I may or may not have time to blog or reply messages. Yes, tomorrow I'll be starting work. I dun know what lies ahead of me. Which is why i suppose i was doing NOTHING da whole day. Actually i was! I was feeling/appriciating time. Letting it pass through me. Feeling every sec pass. Took my time to clean my tanks n mini pond. Took my time to walk to the aquarium shop. Took my time to sit down n do nothing. Y am i doin so? Something's telling me i may or may not haf da opportunity to feel it sumtime soon. hahaha..

Time...Something most ppl neglect. U only feel it when ur pace of life suddenly slows down or ur late fer sumthing or feeling impatient abt sumthin. "Kita mengejar masa, tetapi sebenarnya masa mengejar kita!". Tick tock, tick, tock.. Time knows no boundaries, time knows know one. Once it has past it'll never come back again! Even in the holy Quran, its sated how precious time is. We're no longer young. In the olden days, ppl at our age haf already started their families. Times haf change, here we are still persuing our dreams and fer sum abt to enter their working life. Sooner or later, when our children reach the age of 18, we'll be like 55! hahaha...

Masa! Dengan sekelip mata kau menghilang..

Dedik demi detik kau memergi..

Meniggal kan aku tanpa aku sedari..

Semakin hari semakin tua..

Semakin hari semakin lemah..

Masa! Sungguh kuat Iman kau..

Tidak ade belas kasihan, tidak peduli sesiapa..

Terus-terusan menunaikan perintah Allah..

Belom puas aku menikmati dunia ini..

Belom puas aku merantau dunia ini..

Belom cukup bekalan ku..

Belom sedia aku..menemui ajal maut..

Dengan nama Allah,

Tanpa masa, tanpa Hidup,

Tanpa Hidup, tanpa dosa,

Tanpa dosa, tanpa hari pembalasan...

27th July 2005

2005-07-27T11:41:00.000+08:00

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get,
it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
-Anon.

A beautiful morning it is! Bright sunny yet cooling. I couldn't sleep as well as i though. It is as if my soul is not at peace. Well, I hafta admit, I haven't been..u know, with HIM...
Yesterday, I dropped by station to settle some work stuff. I decided to fufill my evening prayers as well. Its been so long since i felt da serenity. It wasn't intense but..now i know wats been missing. Da musollah was sited in one of the unused room. So dare was no one ard, basically its only me n HIM. Its hard dese days to find such situation. Last i recall, when I was working at the airport. Always waited till after midnight when everyone's asleep. Den i'll creep into da musollah..
I miss da times i spent wif HIM alone.. I find it hard to do it at home. At werk if during my duty, dares bound to be ppl sleepin in da room. Where can i turn to when i wanna find peace?
I recall the time when i visited Central Java...I would say it was a mystical/spiritual trip. Circumstances leading me dare was way too wierd! hahahaha..I still find it unbelievable..
I miss my time dare. The pace of life was pretty much slow n steady. Dare's more den enough time to find peace n to make peace with urself. I recall one morning, while i was sleeping outside, "Abah" was reciting some verses..Out of da deep sleep (was actually sleeping very far from da house) my eyes opened up and almost teared. The serinity of his voice and the versus he recited.. Masya-Allah..
"Mujizat Rusul kiter dan Al Quran, dapat menghidupkan hati yg telah mati.."
Masya-Allah.. I'm like a lost soul, neither here nor there...
In search of myself..In search of HIM..In search of Eternal Peace..
May HE be with us all..

26th July 2005

2005-07-26T10:42:00.000+08:00

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get,
it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
-Anon.

A very cool morning to all!
You can say i'm off today. But still, guilt fill dis vulnerable heart of mine. It's been awhile since I've been to work. Heard that things are goin crazy there. Sigh..I can't run anymore, its back to work 2 days from now. Since I passed my tests, the full commencement will resume on the 8th of next month.
My hearth fill with worries..The thought of goin back to work, sigh..The ppl dare, is making me NOT wana come back to work. Only 1 or 2 that will put a smile when i see dem..
Its been only abt 6mths since my posting. I've lost the firery feeling to go to work. No longer enthusiated to be there. Thoughts of leaving is slowly creeping in..What has become of me? Totally demoralized. Still 4 yrs plus to go..Still so many things to learn.
I suppose its da ppl n management n da fact that i feel i haf NO FREEDOM..sigh..Its soo tight..
I feel as if i'm suffocating. i not sure if i'm cut out to be in this rank n file system..
As fer now, there are still a few ppl that puts a smile on my face at work.
I shall use dis oppurtunity to futher my studies. After that then i'll decide if i want to stay or not.

AS fer my love life..well, 1 step at a time. Yes, I'm still traumatized n wounded by my past. But I'm so fortunated that God gave me sum1 new. She's been patience wif me although at times i tend to be looking back at my past. Selfish at times i feel. At times I feel as if I'm betraying her. To be living in the present yet my soul is in the past. Sumtimes I wonder where my heart lies. Its neither here nor there. At times, I can't feel anyhting, I can't feel the Love at all. I guess this is wat my ex went through wif me. Inability to feel love for that sum1. But Thank God, on n off the feeling will come back. And when dat loving feeling comes back, I record it in my mind. Just in case if i loose it again. Yesterday was a blessing, I miss my boo..hahaha..Aint the first time, but a rare one! We had quite a long talk yesterday. I've been talking to her roughly..Perhaps its because i can't feel da love. up to a point when i confessed. I was acting the way because i needed to see for myself if she has any feelings for me. She rarely voice out her feelings. Of coz she shows but i can't differentiate whether its genuine or she's naturally like dat! She very playful, loves all her girlfrens and sumtimes act lesbionic! Perhaps being de only child has deprived her of siblingly love. hehehe.. Where was I , She kept mum when I told her why I was acting so, then she gave a disappointing remark! Bein da happy go lucky person, who knoes no sadness! I cant remember wat she said but its da tone n expression of her voice dat was a turn off. Her best fren did mention to me abt her being "care-free" but before she could continue, boo was already back at the table. I guess her best fren was trying to tell/advice me sumthing but i interuppted her then boo came. Sumhow i guess i dun wanna know wat she wanna say but then again..By the way after the disappointing remark, boo tried to make it up then she started to explain herself, she quoted things that happened while we're together. Trying so hard to explain this n dat...Well i know ur like sooo a "virgin" in terms of relationship..Like dating a sec 1 girl! hehehe..There are pros n cons. Truth is, its was a TORTURE while trying to concentrate n fighting SLEEP! *lol* Soooooo soorryyy BOO!! haha..Masya-Allah, da sleepiness was soo overwhelming! but al least i managed to recall sum points. By da way, ade ke she labeled my laughter as "MIYANG".. ayooo..my artifical n original laughter/giggle she cant even differentiate! And one more thing, she said when I was wif her best fren, we were SOOO MIYANG!! wats wif dat? hehehe..jelous eh? i was just laughin along! Gosh! hahaha..

My body is aching all over...Miss working out! Hahaha..Wasn't a satisfying workout yesterday but its better then nothing. I Thank God, for giving me my undisturbed rest days! Since the beginin of this mth, hardly tasted my rest days. Its almost month end, n i finally had time to self-reflect. To haf time to myself. To think things through. To spend my time wif my mom n family...

I end today's morning entry with a quote:
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
-Helen Keller

fURthEriN mY sTuDiEs...

2005-07-25T20:30:00.000+08:00

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

Yesterday or rather dis early morning, chat wif Sis shazzle..Figured she was da best person to consult in terms of education.
She knock sum sense into me! hehehe.. reality knocks! Its kinda true wat she said, getting backinto da system after sooo long, sonfirm its gonna be HARD fer me!
Thing is, there are 2 places that i'd say provides a credible cert. SIM n STANSFIELD COLLEGE.
da course dat i want, is offered by both, both certified by UOL..

I was thinkin of taking private A level..I just need 2 A level passes!!! To get a degree!
Pros: Its a shorter route!
Cons: If i fail, dats it..wasted my time n effort..Plus i like sooo out of tune!!! Plus dares no scool!

Takin part time diploma,
Pros: Follow da system Insya-Allah can grad!
Cons: time consuming n costs..

Then theres issue abt which institution..

SIM
Pros: Reputable..
Cons: slightly costly, NO PART TIME DIPLOMA (relavant)

STANSFIELD COLLEGE
Pros: Haf part time diploma.
Cons: its part time diploma is in econimics! sumthing far DIFF...

The thing is, i dont know if i would rather get my A'level n persue my degree of da preferred course..Or should i get my Diploma (only one choice, stansfield...dip in economics..)..

I need 2 A..C maths de other? ayooo..Very weak in language!

Thats pretty much da probs or delima..Very messy huh..

25th July 2005...night entry

2005-07-25T20:17:00.000+08:00

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

Good evening peepz!
You can say i just got back..Went to Yishun stadium's gym wif ma bro IM!! Was our first time dare. I always use da one at werk..Its pretty spacious. Ait soo stuffy except dat dare were too many ppl..peak hour i guess..
I was pretty shy at first..hehe..started off with cycling..Was aiming da bench press..After like cycling fer quite sum time (followed da prog), i decided wat da heck! malu rugi! went to dis pakcik whos doin bench press n ask if i could join! hahaha..TAK LEH ANGKAT SiAAKK..DAT OLD TIMER WAS LIKE..i couldn't even SOAP MYSELF JUST NOW! ANSWERIN DA PHONE I NEEDED EXTRA EFFORT N CONTROLLED BREATHING!!! MAK AI!!! *lol* really worth it! Cant feel my arms right now..hehehe..where is it anyway..oh here it is typing..hehehe..
We walked to n fro da stadium..in da drizzle..We chat quite a lot..Guess i was pretty chirpy today..although sleepy..We sat in btw da interchange n northpoint to munch n chat..Laugh n destressed ourselves..
I'm actually quite worried. got so many time off, nanti jadi bahan cakap n ...sigh..sum of dem r like sooo MATA MERAH!!! sigh...dis da only set back n its making me wanna..EISH!!! wat am i thinking!!!!!!!haaiizzz "KUN FAYA KUN" segala kejadian tak akan berlaku tanpa izin DIA...

25th July 2005

2005-07-25T15:10:00.000+08:00

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

I PASSSEED mY TEST!!! Alhamdullilah!!!
Yesterday after visiting my Encik, meet up wif boo at Darul Ghufran..Had magrib dare den went to dinner..To afgan! Called Mas met up wif her..Had a crazy time..SHe pretty much has a broadband frequency..Can link pretty easily..Boo a bit on indon frequency..hehe..not far but still can link! ehehe..too carefree..haaiizzz..hehehe.. JANGAN MARAH!!

Yesss arrr!!! Got a date to GYM!!! LAMER GILER TAK PI SEJAK ON COURSE!!!
Orites per! Boo go to SPA wif MUMMY...got special service or not? hehehe..Go wif ma bro IM!! ur de man! hahaha..kiter pi cuci mata!!! hahaha..Shake dat bottom bebeh!

Oh yeah...Y am i dis crazy? coz tak yah report to werk! i tink da caffeene too high oso..hehehe..Alamak da nak hujan! saper nie tak mandi? hehehe..

Just chat wif Mas..crzy peepz..haha..
Stay tune to some deep thoughts...later..dunnoe when..hehehe..

24th July 2005

2005-07-24T14:22:00.000+08:00

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

A very Good afternoon!
Finally finished my report! Decided not to grumble but focus my energy to finishin it! *lol*
I'm actually excited! i made up my mind to further my studies! I just only made up my mind boo! Jgn marah! tell u abt it later..
Found a shorter way to get a degree..At SIM..but hafta put in extra effort! Hafta make lots enquiries..Thats later...
Fer now, hafta get ready to visit my ENCIK. His wife gave birth so my colleagues visitting him. Plus I need to summit my report! hehehe..Tomorrow my test..den hafta go to werk. hmmm..
Aights! Addios Amigos!

Quote of da day!

2005-07-23T21:26:00.000+08:00

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

Found this interesting quote... It describes majority of us...Cuba renungkan..

"The trouble with so many of us is that we underestimate the power of simplicity. We have a tendency it seems to over complicate our lives and forget what's important and what's not. We tend to mistake movement for achievement. We tend to focus on activities instead of results. And as the pace of life continues to race along in the outside world, we forget that we have the power to control our lives regardless of what's going on outside."
-Robert Stuberg

23rd July 2005...night entry

2005-07-23T21:13:00.000+08:00

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
-Buddha

Greetings to all!

Went to calibrate my body dis morning! Ouch!!! Worth da pain! haha..Was told dat its either i haf been thinking too much or haven had sufficient sleep! I cant deny dat..When I got home, I like dose off! wif my fluffy comforter n da rainy day..GONE!! I was really GONE!!! *lol* Still sleepy though..He really calibrated my wirings! I still have a report to settle ASAP..sigh..Not in da mood actually.

My sister went to NDP preview wif my long lost cousin. Why long lost? Well, his father(my dad's bro) passed away peacefully in his sleep years back.. After which his mom got married..hmmm...Long story.. I miss my arwah uncle. I may be little when he was alive, but memories of him still lingers. =)

23rd July 2005

2005-07-23T09:53:00.000+08:00

"I hold it true,what'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
-Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam

A very Good mornin to all!

Finally had sum time to read my love ones' blogs..except fer my bro, cant seem to access da new blog..hmmm..

Went through beetle's entry, right now i cant put into words wat i feel. She was a pedriatic (is dat how u spell it?) nurse during attachment, n she kinda grew attached to all her patients..Some haf passed away, some in btw da realms..I dunnno how put into words how i feel. But my heart tears apart to see dem suffer..but i know dey are FAR LOVED BY GOD which is why dey are taken early. A vacancy in HIS Eternal Kingdon has been engraved for dem..

I'll bet if u look hard enough, dey are actually surrounded by angels...I....i've spoken too much..

Finally I've had my deep sleep..i dremt of dose whom I care abt n da one whom i cared n left..It was wierd..Da first one was a vist from sum1 i cared abt since pri sch..It was an honour to be visited..but was it looking fer? hmmmm...

Gee's entry was rather refreshing. haha..out of da blues..sumthing diff. i mean i dun blog abt it..maybe i should sumthimes..I mean blog abt opinions n facts. Yes Gee, ur becoming a woman..welcome to adulthood! hahaha.. i read sumwhere dat during dis transformation u tend to get mixed emotions (kinda like PMS; no offence) n unpredictable changes...

I wanna thank you fer da chat we had de other day..been awhlie since i am able to share my deep thoughts n feelings. Its not everyday dat one can get such person..Which is y i mostly mix wif MATURE adults! hahaha..wak2..haha..nolah...

Let me see, wat else..i haf a fire report to settle..hmmm...Mon my other test...Mon maybe hafta start werk...

Oh yah, i was thnking, since i'm dare on course, i might as well take up another course in da nite just to kill 2 birds wif 1 stone! amamca? idea kan! hahahaha...Insya-Allah..Insya-Allah..tempted u know..hahaha..

Ok..ok..I'm runnning late fer my MASSAGE! No it aint dose SPECIAL SERVICE!!! Dis one u pay to get hurt..gosh da lamer tak pegi..takut siaakkk...Confirm terpekik!!!!

21st July 2005

2005-07-21T17:28:00.000+08:00

"I hold it true,what'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
-Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam

Greetingz!

Just got back home from my course. Yesterday I had my first test n all went well. Syukur alhamdullilah. Monday is da next test so from now till monday is STUDY TIME!!!

Just one prob, Mon my rota is on duty. i think I'm on half day dat day. Wonder if I hafta go back to work? sigh....

Remember I blogged earlier, dat my EX emailed me..sigh..Its amazing how da past can catch up wif ya in a split second! Further to add, I was stressed up wif werk, course, lack of sleep, fatique. All those add up, u get a twilight zone! hahaha..yeah was pretty much lost for awhile..really LOST!

I ramble a bit too much..up to a point i realise i was hurting sum1 dat really cares fer me. hahaha...*ehem* was very patience wif me..I realise i was being selfish. I'm sorry boo..

Pretty much messed up..Fer sum1 who rarely express her feelings, hahaha, wif me, ehem..cant hide! *lol*

By da way my dad keeps saying *ehem* looks familar..(saw da pic)..Wats wif dat?? Ayoooo...

i kinda miss my circle of frens..Gee, Mar, Rin, Im, dillah, yani dan lain2 lagi...even my Cyber sisters...sigh...

I'm sooooo occupied dat i dun even haf enough time fer myself..Dese days i feel like SCREAMING!!!

And to Mar ... Sorry sis abt da miscomunication de other day. guess both of us must haf been too exhausted..Sorry everyone! bile mau keluar ramai2 lagi? cam tak jadi jek! Choc Factory aper jadi??? Kate ranai2 nak keluar!!! Leh aku ajak *ehem* jumpe korangz! Da tambah lagi satu makcik ketot! hahaha... Minah2 penguin! hahaha...

18th July 2005

2005-07-18T22:33:00.000+08:00

"I hold it true,what'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
-Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam

Alas! Another day gone.

how was my coz? Pretty much ok..was late..Took cab dat costs $17!!! da driver took me to da wrong location! haha..kept cool..

After da lesson went to Goldenmile Shopping Ctre. Changed one of my rings. got a call from my is, asking me abt mp3 player. so i met her at Sim Lim and bought one. Was already one da way dare coz wanted to query abt da multi charger i bought fer my NP30 battery..apparently he demonstrated wrongly yesterday..its functioning well except fer da memory card now..sighh..

UNABLE TO READ!!! but could read from my PC...sigh...

Yesterday went to Sim Lim wif *ehem.. went dare quite late. bougth mp3..(wats wif mp3???) and multi charger wanted to buy mp3 fer myself but..oh well..

Received an email from her..YESSS HER..AS IN MY EX!!! Its wierd how da past catches up wif ya in a blink of an eye..Dat explains y i was feeling a bit diff dese few days..sigh...

To my bro Im..

no worries abt me..nuthing abt u de man..was pretty much upset wif one of our sis..hahaha..petty much kewl now.. lost n stress wif werk n course..(ur suppose to NOT be werking when ur on course! hahaha..)

To my darlin *ehem..

Patience my dear, Time heals all wounds...guess dats wat i need..

hahaha..

Like a flower waiting to bloom, guess dats wat i best be doin..

Sittin, observing, waitin fer my boo to bloom...

No pressure no expectations..no worries boo...

life fer me is taking a pretty much unexpected twist..and interesting visions abt my future is begining to unveil..Could it all be true? Is dis it? Is dis finally da one?

As per all journey, its never a smooth one. It takes 2 to clap...

It takes Team work to build, restore and maintain a Palace..

17th JULY 2005

2005-07-17T16:18:00.000+08:00

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

Wow!

Pretty much an exhaustive day... One of my fireman lost some important stuff. Followed him to poilice Stn afterwhich played counter strike wif him! hahahaha...Never LAN gamed b4..kinda cool except i kept dying! hahaha..

A series of event occured last nite while i was on duty..Sum personnal stuff. Forgot how easily i loose trust once sumone lies or sumthing like dat..haha..Oh well..

I had 2 suicide cases..attempt to jump..I think she's da same person. i hope she's alright..Sum foreigner havin a break dwn..

Tomorrow I'm ON COURSE!!! sigh...All my off days are like GONE!!! if not one den both BURNT! Tomorrow is da beining of my 2 mths course..wonder how i fair..

wAts GoIn On???

2005-07-16T00:00:00.000+08:00

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

I cant deny it anymore...
Everyone has been acting REALLY REALLY REALLY WIERD!!! My circle of frenz dat is!!!!!
Except BRO IM! thanx bro..you were really positive de other day..thnx fer da advice n wishes..I totaly din expect it from ya..no offence..

Fer da rest..i dun know if ya stress wif scool or werk of stuff..but..as a fren..Tell me upfront will yar..I HATE picking up VIBES from my OWN CIRCLE!!! Sighhh...

Wats in ur mind Bro N sisters?

rEalItY yEt tO sEtTtLe...

2005-07-15T22:47:00.000+08:00

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

Wats Up!
I know its been awhile..Things are like happen sooo fast i barely haven time to catch my breath. My coz starting soon on da 18th! Dis MONDAY!!

Anyways, let me see..wats been happening to me lately?
I went to my new division to change some stuff. Not bad..The place I mean. After which I wanted to go to Geylang (with all da stuff in my bag and carrying a big shoe box). So i took a bus (from da wrong bus stop). But it still pass by dare. i was soooo sleepy dat when i blink..blink..i realise I WAS BACK AT EU TONG SENG STREET!!! CHINA TOWN!!! GRRRRR...
I walked around in circle all da way to SOUTH BRIDGE ROAD looking fer da right BUS STOP!!!
Finally i gave up n walked BACK TO WHERE I STARTED looking fer an ATM..Took a CAB to Joo Chat..
Alrites arr..wat i was loking was not dare. Bought a BOOK fer my *ehem*..n 3 CDs LAGU RAWK JIWANGS!!! REALLY VINTAGE!!

Da night when i was on duty, i had a chat wif one of my colleague..VERY DEEP TALK..All through da nite! i realise where I went wrong in life.. Realise if i dun keep things to myself, ppl may get hurt. As much as I hate all dis, I hafta embrace it as it is a blessing from above.. for each one of us has a purpose in LIFE..So many stuff..but..One at a time.. Insya-Allah..

Right now i'm like having a GROGGY HEADACHE..wait, dat doesn't sound rite..
Anyways, DID U KNOW MARINA SQUARE HAS A NEW LOOK??? Went dare just now n had SWENSONS! khakhehkeh

OkOk..I know dares like so many ppl asking me soo many questions..
Dat day when ehem..i took a step to move on, I gave her a ring (ehem..gold bebeh..)..alamak i forgot da building's name, da GOTHIC LOOKing building opp Raffles Hospt.
"I told her dat my past may catch up wif me one day..Will u still be dare to be wif me?"
"Will you be wif me throught thick n thin?"
"I dun like wats happening to us now..dun wanna be labeled FLING.."
So i got one knee down..n..ehem..ehem..ehemm..*blush*

She's very close wif her mom (being de only child i suppose) pretty much her mom knows wats goin on..After da deep chat I had wif my fren..I gave some thought.. da day b4 yesterday, i sent her HOME..ALL DA WAY TO DA DOOR STEP!!!
Her parents were not home, but her Buyot(Great Granny) was dare...She's soo sweet n still strong! Buyot insisted i enter...nak taknak after like 1min..I surrendered..
Less den 5min her parents came home..JENG JENG JENG!!! *lol*
A very pleasent family!..her dad kinda relax kewl type..Her mom a very sweet lady (find her familiar though)..Pretty much a very warm welcome from dem..
i know..kinda wierd rite? since her parents were like shocked abt da ring..i tot i just intro myself (or rather, show myself!)..be GENTLEMAN...hahaha..

I was kinda shocked to her parents n buyot's reaction when i gave her da ring few days back..
The response were so heart warmin! She even got ADVICE from her MOM..hahaha..

everything is happening sooo fast..i still am scared! Worryin..sigh..
I guess REALITY still have not settle on me YET!
But da beautiful thing is dat things are happening as if all dis were PRE-PLANNED!!! I know..I know..keep to myslef...sSShhHsssHhh..

I just showed my mom her PIC..hahaha..Told a bit abt her..
hahaha..she like said, "kawan baru?..macam2...suruh simpan duit tak nak.." hahahaha..
kelakar lah..Wat does dat mean? hahaha..

Nitez peepz..gotta catch some rest..Haven been sleeping properly...slept only 5hrs since i got back werk (2days AGO!) Take care BRO n SISs!!!

A nEw bEgIniNg...

2005-07-13T00:19:00.000+08:00

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

Akum!
Waaahh..Today is a NEW BEGINING FER ME!!! Actually yesterday NIGHT!!! As in 12072005 at abt 2100+++
Lets just say its time to MOVE ON! No point bein SAD while de OTHER persoN is HAPPY!!!
Its time to close de old book n START a NEW ONE..
May ALLAH bless dis one..

I'm soooo exhausted n I haf a test later on n I HAVEN STUDY!!!
Hopefully I can sleep soundly..Coz yesterday nite..got an uninvited Gust at 2AM in da FREAKING mORNING!!!

I wAS sOOOO pIssEd off dAt I....EheM..(*sEnsOred fEr dA fAinT hEaRt n dA dIsbeLieVers*)

NiteZ peePz!!

A cOoL mOrNiN

2005-07-12T12:38:00.000+08:00

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

A very Good Mornin to ALL!
Finnally I had my long deserved rest..but sad to say, I hafta go fer a meeting at 1500 at ubi..Tomorow is my test $$$ but haven study!!! Sigh..
To my CIRCLE oF FRENZ, really soory haven been ard, been really crazy dis month..even my next off day BURN!!! sigh..Insya-Allah by end of dis week everything settle..
To Mar,
appriciate it u sms de other day..I'm fine cume busy wif werk n spending wat lil time I haf to spend wif dat sum1.
To Im,
Chill bro da lame tak bual dgn ko..ORD O!!!
To Rin,
HAPPY BELATED BDAY AGAIN!!!
To gee,
Chill SiS! Jgn Stress2 selalu! Nanti Rambut Gugur! :)
To Yani,
Keje! Jgn nak msn jek pat keje! &*lol*
To Dillah,
Maner ko menhilang! Asik buat kopi, members pun lupe! ;)

BILER NAK BUAT OUTINGZ LAGI??????

Anyways..
I tot i wanna share wat i READ ACCIDENTALLY ON CLEO (I dun read such megazines!)
A couple wif abt 6 yrs of relationship, had to part. Her BF died in an accident, dey almost got engaged. I now wonder how she's doing...
Makes me wonder wat situation I was in, how one of my circle of fren must haf felt when her love one had to leave..
Dis few mths dares been lots of sorrow in our lives.. A dear fren too just passed away..i actually still in shock n apparently haven't absorb it fully..Be in my past relationship, da death of a fren, n many more..I just gld i'm surrounded by frenz..Be it Old or new..n dat special Sum1..I just need time fer reality to HIT me.. :) Till den.. ADDIOS!!

wAt a DaY!!!

2005-07-10T00:03:00.000+08:00

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

Hey ya bloggie!

Guess wat! I went KARAOKE!!! My very first time! Wif my sore throat n flu..SUMBANG GILERRR....MALUUUUUNNYYEEE AKUUU!!!!

Gosh dat was freaky crazy! Realized all da malay songs I DUN KNOW!!! Tu lah asik dgr masuk telinga kanan keluar teliga kiri!!! khakhakha

I had a wonderful time wif ehem HER n HER frenz..khekhekhe...Although it was embarassing..

Things are getting clearer..n erm...i think...i'm ............. GOSH!!! I cant believe it myself..

Had dinner, went to HMV, walk ard town in da crowd, BESTNYEEE DA LAME TAK JLN2 ON A SAT!!!

Not forgetting a vist to Al Falah..

Pretty much a fun but tiring day..

FiNalLy I'm hOmE

2005-07-09T09:10:00.000+08:00

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

Akum bloggie n all kepos reading dis!!! *grins*

Finally i'm home!! Been 3 days plus away from my crib! my tiny version of heaven! Wat happened? Where was I? Did I run away?

Oh well, went through quite an experience thare.. I was on IOC level 5 standby (highest

security)..

Wah...kena F n i mean F like crazy fer a stupid mistake dat was partly NOT MY FAULT!! But as much as i wanna argue, i just kept cool n kept my mouth shut. Got back to station go QUESTIONED by my superior! Ayooooo... Sigh..But alhamdullilah, it seems ok..hopefully..Insya-Allah.

Remember I mentioned abt all da reports dat i haf to settle..hahaha..I FINISHED IT UNDER TREMENDOUS EXHAUSTION N SLEEPYNESS! I think da quality of my wok also improved significantly!

Power huh? khekhehe..but now i'm like falling sick..hahaha..

Did i mentioned i was on standby NOT AT DA COMFORT OF MY STATION!!! I was at dis OLD abandon SAF NCO CAMP!!! opp Raffles Hotel! kinda cool creepy Resident Evil like place!! not to mention DARN dusty!! khakhakha

But fortunately at midnight we're allowed to return back to stn. Toilet pun rabakz!! Eeeeuuww

Fortunately one of my fren, from another stn brough RISK!!! N now i'm addicted to it!!! NAK BELIIIII!!!

I waited like 4 hrs to paly da game, den when it was my turn, it took 1/2 an hour to LOOSEE!!! So I waited another 4hrs to play, when da time came, all were too tired and decided to play CLUEDO!! hahahaha..It was Fun gilerr!!! Kecoh!!!

i hafta admit i almost broke down when da weRk was getting too much..I think bein in station n not able to go out was da pri factor. Luckly ehem, SHE was werkin..SO dat point of time when I was feeling da pressure, I HAD LUNCH WIF HER!!! Yeah, I've been dating dis PERSON...I dun KNOw where to begin..Its too wierd n too coincidental..But sumhow she's brought happiness..sumhow my heart is beginin to heal.. Way.. too wierd!!!

Today meeting her..Ask me to tripple date wif all her frens go karaoke!!! MANE LAH AKU PERNAH KARAOKE!!! Giler lah! MAMPOS! haaiizz..

Dis morning alone, 3 of my frenz from my circle..ask me abt her at da same time! TOO COINCIDENTAL!!! All of deM online of course!

Ader yg nak tgk gambar..hahahaha..

Sabar yar..aku nie masih keadaan terkejut..Nanti aku mintak permisson dier..kalau boleh aku post online! hahahaha

Wats so coincidental abt her? well, her ex, has almost da same name as mine..n her name is almost da same as my ex..both just lost n still RECOVERING...hahaha..

Plus da way we met was too wierd..I leave dat to God..Aint gonna blog abt it..

Dats soo much abt her for now..

I din expect fer all dis to happen..n if dis is causing sum1 to be hurt den..MY HUMBLE APOLOGIZESS..

Oh well, My small cat "Kecik" IS PREGNANT!!!! Kecik2 da PANDAI MAIN!!! GRRRRRRRR

Dats so much fer now..I think i wanna go run den werk out.. DA lame gak tak exercise..den again i think i'm LATE!!! hahahaha..

SLAMATZ BLOG N PEEPZ..

MAy God be wif us all especially my CIRCLE OF FRENZ!!!

a cOnFesSiOn..

2005-07-04T00:59:00.000+08:00

~~iTs nOt wAts uNdErnEiTh dAt mAkEs u wHo U aRe~~
~~Its wAt u dO dAt dEfInEs U~~

Good morning!

I've been seeing dis person fer abt a week. Just friends. Kinda fun crazy type. Little i know, she's begining to grow on me..
I know, I know, my heart has not heal yet..But it aint suppose to be astired by emotions..I think wat i'm feeling is CRUSH!!!
Sounds crazy right. I know, I'm like confused n shocked too. Like all of a sudden I miss dis new fren of mine! Gosh!
I'm not intending to rush things nor hurt or dissappoint dose ard me..I may act dumb but I know wats goin on ard me..
Shocking n confusing to me..All this is too wierd..

How is one suppose to LOVE if one DOESN'T BELIEVE IN LOVE NO MORE!

sUndAy mOrNiN

2005-07-03T11:17:00.000+08:00

Good Morning bLoggiieee!!!
I dun know wat got into me yesterday! Thank God sum1 one pulled me back to earth!
Sorry again peepz! I think I'm back to normal! Except I HAVEN'T FINISH MY WERK!!!
It clobbering TIME! FLAME ON! Time to Werk...